Why Your Blog is Annoying and Avocado Dressing

I’m still getting comments about the “Why I’m Not Reading Your Blog” Post.

I was confident the comment box would be brimming with hate letters. Well, not like my comment box is ever “brimming” with much… Anyhow, this gave me the confidence to post about what annoys me about blogs.

1) Adding a “ness” word: This is flat out ridiculousness! Latching on a “ness”  at the end of a word doesn’t make you cool or articulate.

Examples include:

awesomeness, randomness, coolness, deliciousness, coitusness, phlegminess, sctrotumness….

You wanna hear something crazy? Of course you do. There is a facebook group called “adding a ‘ness’ to the end of a word makes you cool”. Well you know me; queen of “coolness”.

2) Showing what you look like AFTER a workout: Or after you have sex or do any activity that may leave you sweaty. Who wants to see that? Well, weird fetish people aside, I think most people rather not. What are you trying to prove? That you exercise hard and I don’t. That I’m a lazy bum cause I’m not red and wet? That I don’t like Bikram Yoga?

Well, for the record I don’t, in fact, fancy Bikram. You can read all about my Bikram woes here.

Bottom line: Dont’have a photo shoot after a marathon run, swim, bike ride, boink fest, or watching CSPAN. Because I don’t know about you but CSPAN makes me perspirate.

3) Shortening Words So They Make You Want To Vomit A Little Bit In Your Mouth: Need examples?

Presh, as is precious; Gorg, as in Gorgeous; Adorbs, as in Adorable; Siggy, as in signature

Part of me wants to assin those presh peeps along with their comps, hubbs, and adorbs kiddos.

(TRANSLATION: Part of me wants to assasinate those precious people along with their computers, husbands, and adorable dogs/cats)

4) Overdosing on the word “literally”: This isn’t just for blogs or tweeting or other social media forms. I think we need to eradicate that word. People are using it like the word “like”. Remember when a few years back everyone was complaining about the abuse of the word “like”?

Like, I think I like Oreos like I like my kitten, tee hee!

I know, it was bad.

But it got worse with “literally”:

There was literally mosquito bites all over my crotch it was sooooo itchy!

or

This traffic jam sucks literally some serious amazeballs! My honda is literally gonna smell like pee by the time this is over!

or it makes you sound like your totally lying

ZOMG! A piano fell on me! I’m literally dying!

No, you’re not. Shhhhh.

5) The Name: This is awful. Because I committed this blogging sin. In my opinion, 90% of blog names suck. I’m one of the 90% and its too late to think of something clever. Look at the comment section of a fairly popular blogger and scroll down and read aloud the names of blogs. It sounds ridiculous sometimes. “Healthy-something that rhymes-insert bloggers real name here” or “fit and insert bloggers name here”. Or there’s gotta be an Elizabeth Gilbert worshiper so it must be something like “blog, eat, fart” or “run, hop, queef” or three verbs separated by commas. But don’t judge a blog by their name. “Eden’s Eats”????? Really??? How orignial.

I might rename it to: Googlesex

just cause its sounds cool to say when I’m doing that whole reading through the comment aloud thingy.

So, did I miss anything???

And today I have one of my favorite dressings. Avocado makes it delicious. Literally!

• 1/2 avocado (make sure its very ripe)
• juice of one lemon
• 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 tbs kalamata “olive juice” (the juice that the olives come in, or use water)

Just whisk and pour. If your avodcado isn’t soft, you can use a blender.

Literally, awesomeness