Cinnamon Raisin Quick-Bread and Dating Tips For Guys

I know I’ve done the “Dear Online Dater” posts every week.

What?! You haven’t read them!? Go read them right now.

Back yet? Good. Let’s continue.

I’ve gotten so many comments from people telling me I’m too harsh on these guys and that some of them seem “sweet”. Although I’ll still be your friend because you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing their drop-dead-gorgeous faces, I’ve decided to formulate a dating guide for guys. This probably not apply to most girls, only whack jobs like myself. So proceed with caution.

Don’t Wear Cologne: Just cause a girl carries a Gucci purse, doesn’t mean she’ll want her man to smell like Gucci. For the record, my purse is Club Monaco and I don’t want my man to smell like a club or Monaco for that matter.  I like when a man smells like man. Well…… a CLEAN man. Not “man-who-hasn’t-changed-underwear-and-is-afraid-deodorant-will-give-him-breast-cancer”. I call that dirty, and a little hypochondriac.

Open doors for her, but don’t overdo it: I hate to be cliche, but I like to be reminded chivary is alive and well. Opening the car door is a brilliant, classy move.  As opposed to say, farting and then locking the car doors. But you don’t have to take off your jacket over puddle or pull my chair for me. Mainly, that creeps me out. Too much bending over backwards to act like my slave makes me feel a little too superior. Next thing you know I’ll buy a plantation and make you pick cotton.

Go to a movie with a bunch of hot women in it and tell me they’re all fake and too skinny. Its ok if your lying about this. Just dont tell me.

Save Your Brags For Your Mom:  I’m sure you just got a new part in a movie/screenplay’s about to sell/ about to close a deal/ going to Sting’s house for Boxing Day/your cock makes other guys in the urinal jealous, but it doesn’t matter because you’re a douche for telling me this on a first date.

Don’t Call Me “Cute”:Oh great, like your little sister? What girl can resist being compared to your 7 year old sibling? Or a kitten or a puppy. Well, maybe a puppy because I’m quite the bitch after all.

Don’t Make Homophobic Jokes: It sets off my gay-dar. Plus, my gay BFFs will throw their mocha frappachinos at you and run you over with their VW bugs. You’ll be “fabulous” road kill.

Don’t Try To Convert Me: I don’t want to be vegan, or a Scientologist, or a “gleek” (see above), or saved or whatever. I’m pretty confident in my beliefs and you don’t see me trying to circumcise you and force feed you foie gras. Although the foie gras bit sounds thrilling.

Say I’m Beautiful: Even a cynical girl like me will fall for it. “Hot” is condescending and as I mentioned, “cute” will make me feel like your little sister. Say the words from that annoying James Blunt song and I you’ve got some major points scored. Plus, it will make me feel superior without that whole “plantation/slave” scenario.

Ladies: What are your tips for guys (or girls if you swing that way, no judgment)

Fellas: Do you have any tips for the ladies? Or perhaps tips of your own for other guys.

Of course, on a totally different note, something pissed me off today and when I’m pissed, I bake. This was I produced:

  • 1 cup all purpose or coconut flour for those gluten free people
  • 1/4 cup quick cooking oats
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 medium banana, mashed
  • 3 Tbs greek yogurt or any yogurt
  • 1/4 cup milk or water
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/2 sugar or sweetener of choice (if you have that NuNaturals Stevia Blend, this works well here)
  • a small box of raisins (yes, I cant buy a bag of raisins, I need the portion control but this is about 1/4 cup)

This could not be simple. Simple grease a loaf pan. Mix all the ingredients and bake at 400 degrees for 25 min.

31 thoughts on “Cinnamon Raisin Quick-Bread and Dating Tips For Guys

  1. I LOLd but didn’t have to keep it quiet this time as derek isn’t even in the room!

    FYI, I’ve had seared Foie Gras the last two nights in a row, because I can.

    Man: do NOT tell me every 5 minutes what a lovely time you’re having with me. And don’t tell me what a lovely time you had with me 5 minutes ago, or last night or yesterday. And don’t tell me how you’re looking forward to our lovely outing tomorrow. TMI brain vomit.

    • opps I meant “hasn’t” done.

      On Wed, Jun 1, 2011 at 10:50 AM, Eden Dranger wrote: > oh jeez has derek done that whole “lovely time” thing??? I hope not, > doesnt seem like him although he does say “lovely”… >

  2. Your tips are pretty great. I love when a man opens the door for me, or something like that.
    Also, I hate when somebody calls me cute. It’s like he says that I’m not fugly, but also not pretty/sexy.

  3. So many douche bags out there! I would probably fail miserably having been off the dating scene for so long but my tips to guys/girls:
    Guys: Keep your hands off of your device. No, not that one, the other one…the freakin’ smart phone! Actually, my BF does this to me all the time when we are out and it’s super annoying. Talk to ME – I’m right here.
    Girls: You do not get hotter with each cocktail. You get drunker. And, this might sound sexist, but I mean it with all the love in the world, there ain’t nothin’ hot about a drunk chick. Especially once you are past 23.

  4. I ordered a cinnamon raisin bagel at a coffee shop not too long ago, and I can’t get the combo out of my head. I want this bread, and I am not a fan of cologne either or perfume for that matter. Can’t handle walking through the perfume counter section of a dept. store, and don’t even get me started on Sephora. Love that place, but I get a headache whenever I go.

  5. Daahh…the word cute inspires a rage deep within my apparently adorable soul.

    I think I would advise guys on something that you would think would be obvious, but I guess is not clear enough for them: don’t lie! I once had a guy try and convince me for an hour that we went to high school together. Now, I went to a small school and I remember everyone I graduated with and I’d never seen this guy in my life. Turns out he was lying about his age (he was 6 years older than me), where he was from (Florida!), and what his name was (Not even worth repeating).

    Also, pinning a girl that you just met up against a wall is not “hot” or “romantic.” It’s scary. Knock it off.

  6. i would also like to tell all men that they NEED to get rid of their jorts aka jean shorts. they couldn’t wear anything worse then those and EVEN WORSE actually my ex boyfriend used to wear jorts and basketball jerseys. it was horrid.

  7. “force feed foie” – I almost snorted my coffee at the irony.

    I agree about chivalry but NOT overdoing it – I don’t want to feel superior, uncomfortable or like you think I’m helpless.

    my big advice for anyone dating – just be yourself.

    bread looks delicious!

  8. omg. I’m with you on the cologne. Andy wears it sometimes and I like it on him but when I was dating…I hated it.Mostly because they always OVERDID it. Gross.

    Tips for dudes: Don’t say, “I can guess a woman’s bra size just by looking at her.” We are NOT impressed. Creeper.

    Don’t say, “Whoa, you really gonna eat all that?” Yes, yes I am. And no you can’t have any.

  9. I don’t know how I came accross your blog, but its great!!! Great dating tips. Great to see a woman perspective regarding the first date. 🙂 .

  10. Pingback: Blueberry Belly | Heather Eats Almond Butter

  11. The bread looks amazing and I am absolutely laughing myself silly!

    My favourite was the “do not make homophobic jokes” that is such a huge turn-off! I would likely never date a guy again if he made a joke like that on a first date and didn’t apologize after I told him he was intolerant!

  12. Um this was hilarious and so, so true! I’m right there with you on all of these! And for the record, I just don’t think they are that hard to abide by- Mom’s should give their boys a list of these things before they enter the dating world… it would save the rest of us so much time. I think my biggest one? Don’t be condescending- I’m totally ok with knowing that our knowledge about certain things might be different- but if you explain it to me like I’m a child, then all of the sudden I don’t want to listen. Or date you. Haha

    Oh also- this bread looks delish! For the sugar measurement is it 1/2 c?

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