Rosemary Saltines and A New Language Lesson

I think learning to speak another language is pretty awesome.

I was blessed to have a father that speaks six languages fluently.

Fun Random Eden Fact: My parents rarely spoke to me in English growing up. I didn’t even know they spoke English until I head them speak to a grocery store clerk.  My dad spoke to me mainly in Hebrew and a little French, a little Dutch sometimes. My mom spoke to me in Hebrew and sometimes a little German because she pretended to know German although she really couldn’t speak it very well.

As an adult, I’m so grateful for this. Speaking another language makes you seem more intelligent not to mention, kinda  hot (depending on the language). Have you seen  Bradley Cooper whoring out his new movie in France lately? I’ve bumped into him at my gym a few times, and yes, although easy on the eyes, I never thought of swooning over him. He reminded me of that frat guy that would try to roofie your drink. Well, that frat image shattered thanks to his second language:

Don’t worry. I’m sure most of you wouldn’t care if he’s talking about how to make oatmeal but hes basically saying how he learned french as a study abroad student in France…and he’s kinda hitting on the TV presenter. Ahh…. still a frat boy at heart!

Anyhow, I could teach you all French. But many of you probably know some French or took it in school.

But how many of you speak Hebrew? I see no hands raised. So this is your lucky day. I will introduce you to some very key words:

NU  (nuuuuuuu):

This phrase has no literal translation into English. Its sort of like “come on already” or if your waiting for a reply and you say, “and….”. It shows impatience and frustration. Often uttered by frustrated parents and very sexually dissatisfied couples.

 

Benzona (b-eh-n z-oh-na):

The literal translation is “son of a whore” and used the way Americans use “son of a bitch”. But I guess us Hebrews cherish our female dogs so it wouldn’t be much of a let down to call someone “son of a female dog.” I mean, who doesn’t secretly wish their mom was Lassie?

 

Balagan (B-ah-l-ah-g-ah-n) :

A mess or extremely tangled situation. A good way to describe your room or a soap opera. Or Whitney Houston’s and Bobby Brown’s relationship….

 

Mastool (M-ah-st-ooo-l):

I know, it looks like the hybrid of Ma and stool which is laughable. But this means “stoned” and often yelled, “What are you, stoned?!”. Although, like in French, there is a masculine and feminine so the feminine would be “Mastoola” which is even more laughable than “Mastool”.

 

Sababa (Sah-bah-bah):

Cool or “that’s cool”. Lets use it in a sentence:

Ugh! I hang out with the Karadashians for a night and I test positive for an STD! So not sababa!

 

Ashkarah (Ah-sh-ka-rah):

This is actually stolen from Arabic. Modern Hebrew (not the biblical one) has many words stolen from other languages and Arabic included. This word means”like totally”.  Lets use this example:

Can I take you home and get in your pants?

Ashkarah!!!!

 

Pijama (pee-ja-ma):

Pajamas (guess where we stole that from)

 

Chips (ch-eee-ps):

French fries (not potato chips), and guess where we stole THAT from?

 

Sheet (sh-eee-t):

Shit

 

If you would excuse me, I need to couche avec Bradley.

Do you speak other languages fluently (no, not “where is the bathroom”). I’m thinking of maybe doing this Hebrew lesson every week. Thoughts? Its rather useless but somewhat amusing.


 

  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 tablespoon sugar
  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt or sea salt (plus a little extra to sprinkle on top)
  • 2/3 cup milk of choice (or water, but milk is better, I used 2% from the cow)
  • 2 tablespoons chilled butter or butter alternative, cut into small pieces
  • 1 tablespoon dried rosemary (crushed with your hands)
  1. Preheat your oven to 450°F. I know, thats hot. Hotter than a French speaking Bradley Cooper 😉
  2. Using a food processor or mixer, mix the flour, sugar, rosemary, and salt until combined.
  3. Add the pieces of chilled butter and process until the butter is no longer discernible in the mixture, a few seconds.
  4. With the food processor on, add the milk/water and process until the dough comes together.
  5. Turn dough out on a floured surface and knead for 5-6 minutes.
  6. Shape into a ball and cut in half.
  7. Roll out one half of dough on an inverted baking pan. I used a half sheet size pan and rolled out as thinly as I could until the dough came close to the edges of the pan.  Repeat for the second half.
  8. Sprinkle with more salt on top
  9. Pierce the surface of the dough with a fork and score it with a knife into serving size pieces.
  10. Bake on the sheet pan for 8-12 minutes (depending on their thickness), making sure to rotate the pan halfway through the cooking time.
  11. Take out of the oven and allow to rest on the pan for a few minutes then transfer to a wire rack to cool.

 

 

Sababa.

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24 thoughts on “Rosemary Saltines and A New Language Lesson

  1. I loved reading this 🙂 I’m also super, super impressed with your family’s language abilities! Thanks for sharing some of them and providing my first Hebrew lesson, computer-based and cross-country though it may be.

  2. i always like saying OYE VEY when I was younger. Until a jewish friend of mine told me I was saying it all wrong. ha! Lesson learned. Ask the pros!
    😉

  3. I did really well in my Hebrew classes! Of course, they ended twenty years ago. My brother lives in Israel and speaks Hebrew fluently, and my sister’s in-laws speak it all the time, which is annoying when I’m around and can’t understand what anyone’s saying. So keep up the lessons so I can share what I know with them!

    I took French for seven years (from elementary through high school) and Yiddish in college for three years. And I don’t remember much from either. Foreign languages aren’t my thing, I guess.

  4. I love these words- mastoola is the best. I have a few choice friends I could bark that one at 🙂
    When I lived in Madrid I was passably fluent in Spanish. Now I’m what I would call “moderately proficient.” In about 5 more years, if I do nothing different, I think I’ll be unilingual again. Pathetic

  5. “Preheat your oven to 450°F. I know, thats hot. Hotter than a French speaking Bradley Cooper ”

    HAHA 😀 I love Bradley Cooper!!

  6. I’ve actually just started learning French this year! I speak 3 languages fluently, but I find French kind of hard to learn … maybe I’ll find it easier after a while, though. Another language that I would be interested in learning (but probably will never do it) is Arabic.

    • Did you know any of those Hebrew words? Milken never taught those too us, although I heard Ms. Levy once say, ” ahhh sheeeet!” And yes, Bradley now has free reign into my pants as long as he speaks to me only in French.

  7. I took French all through high school and college. yep. you’d think I could speak it! 😀 I do remember some, as necessary, and I should really use it more. Jason and I want to go to Paris and he bought us French lessons… that we take with extreme irregularity – Zut Alors! 🙂

    Bradley Cooper, oh my!

  8. Hahaha, I watched that video the other day. I was actually impressed by how good his French is, assuming he studied in France a while back. I’m with you though, he’s cute, but there’s something about him that makes me think he’s insincere and probably a shit disturber.

    I grew up/live in a French-Canadian city, so French guys have never done it for me seeing as they’re the norm around these parts. I live in the “hick French” area though, where everyone is Acadian. I guess the Canadian equivalent to Cajuns. I speak French, but a local dialect called “Shiac.” We totally butchered the language.

    Also, I’m making those crackers.

  9. I speak Swedish fluently thanks to a sabatical there when we were younger and then many Swedish babysitters!

    • Its been my dream to speak Swedish! Seriously, I thought you had to speak swedish to work at ikea so I bought the Rosetta Stone for it. Still sitting in my garage.

  10. I think it is so admirable when people speak two or more languages, and I really wish that I did. I would love to learn Spanish (or something much more hababa like Hebrew, but Spanish would probably be the easiest at this point!)

    I want to put my children into a French school to give them the opportunity to be bilingual.

  11. Mmm those look good! Bet my mom would like em too…she adores Rosemary. I speak a tiny bit of spanish (you kinda have to if you live in New Mexico ;))
    Oooh have you seen Limitless? It’s a great movie 🙂 Bradley Cooper is in it! lol

    • I havent seen it, but I thought the tag line was kinda hilarious “What if a pill could make you rich and powerful? ” That pill sounds like viagra.

  12. Hi there, I arrived here through a very weird way, which I won’t reveal for now 😉 and I found an interesting person, who shares her secrets, is open, and also asks for forgiveness. It might be the first blog post I have ever read in which the poster says “I’m sorry”. Bravo.

    As to languages, I speak native Spanish and English. I now live in Asia after living in Latam and UK… so I am officially a globetrottah… innit?

    Besos, will follow your blog and will probably comment here and there.

    Your new fan, A

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