Why I’m Not Reading Your Blog and Pineapple Upside Down Cake Quinoa

Forgive me, but I’m about to sound like a total jackass.

If you are a blogger, you probably want me to read your blog.

I mean, you constantly tweet a link, beg me to “like” it on facebook, and whore it out on every comment you leave on other blogs.

Its not that I think I’m too good to read it, or that I’m some super star blogger that has no time to read some “civilian” blog post.

Well, maybe I am too cool to read your blog...

Mainly I’m just busy at work, hanging out with my dad at the cancer center, or plucking my eyebrow hairs.Β  But sometimes, there are other reasons and I thought I’d share them with you:

Your blog looks like the 19209852423 other blogs:Β  WordPress has hundreds of templates from which to choose. Yet most people use the same ones. But more importantly, many people write about what they ate, how they moved, how their life sucks or how their life is wonderful. It’s all fine, but everyone is doing it! I want something different. Maybe start post pictures of food you found in the garbage? Hey, at least its different. And on that note….

Your Blog is All About What You Did: Dude, I don’t care what you did today! I’m thinking one day I’ll write up:

Hey Blog luvies!!!!

My day started with a loooong sesh on the toilet as my hugh jass salad was comin out of my butt hole. LOLZ! Then I hit the gym and did:

23 kegels

15 reps of elbow squats

20 laps around a treadmill

and a lunge!

My legs are SOOOO sore!!!! LOL. My vagina is sore too! Must be all those kegels! Ha! Anywhoooooo…..I’m going out to dinner with my husband so I can eat the garnish off my salad. Yummers! Amazeballs! Toodles!!!!

See what I mean? I’m not interested.

You Whore It Out: I get it, you want readers and there is no better way to get readers than by promotion via twitter, facebook, tmblr, etc. But it can be overkill. “Twitter Litter” as I call it. I sometimes see bloggers tweet their same blog post ten times! Craziness! The more you force feed me, the more I’ll lose my blog reading appetite.


You have too many worshiping, gushy fans: Look, no one is worth idolization. I dont care if you’re Oprah or some hobit who runs marathons. Its perfectly fine to love someone. Hell, I’m in love with many bloggers. But nothing leaves a bad taste in my mouth like reading comments being all gushy and worshipy. Like:

You are SO gorge! Your abs are ripped, girl! How do you do that? I just started this new vegan cookie diet and I’m trying my hand at piloxing (its pilates and boxing! SO FUN!). Do you think that will get me as pretty as you!? Will I get a six pack like you if I do this! I want to be YOU!!!!

You Blog Too Much: I know, this might go against conventional advice that if you are blogging, you should do it consistently, as much as possible. But I have social media ADD. I only follow around 50 people at a time on twitter, and I can only keep up with so many blogs. Blog too often, and I’ll feel like the tortoise, huffing and puffing as I try to catch up. I’m sure those of you who can blog numerous times a day are also putting quality content out there, because I’m guessing its your job. But I’m a grandma in spirit and just cant keep up.

You Sell Out: Have you seen “The Greatest Movie Ever Sold”??? You should. Its about how movies sell out to advertising. And it made me realize that blogs sell out to advertisers. This also holds true when your book gets published or all you want is people to buy from your store or whatever. I get it, the economy is in the toilet and I wish my blog could help my wallet out too. And that’s why I’m not judging those blogs that turn into a giant commercial, I just dont read them.

So, why aren’t you reading certain blogs? I’d ask “Why aren’t you reading mine?” but clearly if you’ve read this far, I’ve already corrupted you.

And for the edible portion of the program, I have a quinoa that leans towards the sweet side. And as delicious as it is, its totally not dessert!

For theΒ  “pineapple upside down cake” quinoa you will need:

  • 1 cup quinoa (or less, if I were to do a single serving, I’d do 1/2 cup dry quinoa to 1 cup water)
  • 2 cups water
  • 1/2 cup pineapple chunks (fresh or canned)
  • 3/4 cup coconut milk (or other milk of choice)
  • 1 1/2 tbs coconut butter or regular butter (I used regular)
  • 1 tbs sugar (or sweetener of choice, you can use more if you like it extra sweet)

Cook the quinoa by rinsing and bringing it to a boil with the water. Turn the heat off, cover and let it sit for 12-15 min. Meanwhile, brown the butter and add the pineapple chunks and sugar and let it get golden brown and caramelize. Add in the cooked quinoa and milk and stir it with medium high heat until the quinoa absorbs the milk.

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78 thoughts on “Why I’m Not Reading Your Blog and Pineapple Upside Down Cake Quinoa

  1. The boyfriend makes something like this a lot- we put rice and coconut milk in the rice cooker, then add pineapple later, and sometimes sugar too. I prefer it without the sugar though (unless I want desserty!) I don’t think I’ve ever cooked quinoa before- I guess i’m a crappy vegetarian.

  2. Well, as long as you write so that I can read, I am perfectly happy if you don’t ever read my blog… I don’t read most of blogs. I don’t read blogs that are about things I don’t care (decoration, babies, weddings), that only post their eats and especially if it’s the same thing over and over again. Or they eat at a restaurant and they are quick to specify “I only ate 1/3 of it. I was soooo full!!!”. Or they gush 15 times in a sentence about their hubby and their fur kiddies. Or they are always happy and inspiring. Talking about it, please keep writing because there aren’t too many things around I do read!

    • For the record: I do read your blog. Not every day, but I read it. Sometimes I do read blogs that are about things I dont care about, just cause I want to be out of my element a bit. I cant stand hubby gushes and complaints about children. I feel like no one likes their children anymore. Everyone gushes about their dog and complains about their kid. sigh.

  3. I read your blog because you are funny, and brutally honest. And I think with that honesty, we would be great friends in real life. Or kill each other. People hate my honesty.
    Anyways, my blog isn’t interesting or anything special, and I have just a few readers. But, I write because it makes me feel better and it’s fun. Maybe sometimes I am interesting, maybe I’ll evolve into a more fun blogger. Who knows, for now, this suits me πŸ™‚

  4. I’m not reading certain blogs that only feature marathon-running/triggering eating habits, words like “amazeballs” and “awesomesauce,” too many green smoothies, and trying to get readers to buy stuff through opensky.

    • eh, yes, “awesomesauce” is a dealbreaker. You wanna know something funny? I totally have an open sky shop but I’m afraid to publicize it because I know no one will buy anything. Hell, I wouldn’t!

  5. eden, i’ve been reading your blog for months and today is the day to start commenting!! enough of holding my tongue already!
    love this post, love your blogging style. i saw the morgan spurlock movie, too, and kept thinking of how perfectly it relates to blogs, really and truly
    thanks for being a breath of fresh air!

  6. Your potential description of your day made me spit out my coffee. That is why I love you. And funny, b/c friends of mine & I were making fun of a certain blogger (probably the same one Veggie Girl’s comment references), we decided I’m going to start posting the aftermath of all my meals. It’ll either be the tiny scraps I couldn’t finish, or the streaks of food left after I licked my plate clean.

    • and clearly, I cant type cause i meant “read” not “rea”

      On Sat, May 28, 2011 at 10:34 AM, Eden Dranger wrote: > Oh jeez, those are all terrible reasons to rea my blog! Except for the > fact Deb told you so. She seems to know how to pick em. πŸ˜‰ >

  7. I have trouble keeping up with blogs who post multiple times a day too. Just once for this slow reader please! And if the voice isn’t funny or I’m not “friends” with the person, then yeah, I don’t really care about what they did all day. But if I feel close to them then I read.

    I’m sure my blog is incredibly boring to some people, but that’s okay with me. I don’t need a lot of readers. I kind of blog for myself and read others’ blogs for them, if that makes sense?

  8. I read your blog b/c you like me tell it like it is. I have made a few blogger buds via email even though I myself do not blog. Thru these “relationships” we have giggled @ some of the other blogs and gasped at what really can show up in a simple google search. Never realized how many hats some of the bloggers wear (or dont wear). Anyways, thanks for keeping things real, you rock!

  9. Spare time is valuable, and I am very picky as to how I use it now. I used to spend my free time reading blogs I only kindasorta liked and commenting on every single post. Ugh!

    Now I only read blogs if
    1) I have some sort of relationship with you (ie a lot of the bloggers I met in TO)
    2) It entertains me!
    3) It has recipes I actually want to make

    I also stopped reading those who post multiple times a day because I just can’t keep up. And I also don’t care for food diaries anymore. I find myself looking at a picture of an apple a person I don’t know ate and wondering “why the hell do I care about this?”

    Also, I comment on maybe 1 in 30 posts now. I wish I could comment more, but sometimes it’s more enjoyable to just read!

    • pardon my use of copy paste quoting, but “I find myself looking at a picture of an apple a person I don’t know ate and wondering β€œwhy the hell do I care about this?”” FOR FREAKING REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am laughing real hard.

    • I concur. Which is why Allison Marie’s blog is so awesome.

      I’m not cheery all the time, and so I recently got this comment: “geez, if I wanted to hear something negative, I’d watch the news.”

      welcome to life, diptard.

  10. I’ve stopped reading a lot of blogs that are just totally irrelevant to my life (i.e. marathon training ALL the time… I really respect that people can run that much, but I have no desire to do so) or just post after post about the same bowl of oatmeal! I like yours because it’s funny and always different.

  11. Posts like this are why I love you blog. I was looking through blogs the other day and stumbled on one where there was like 102 comments on a post of this girl eating random stuff and making kissy faces and every comment included something like “OMG you are beautiful! I loooove your blog!” I wanted to throw up.

    I don’t know if you read my blog, hopefully it doesn’t make you want to gag. I actually channeled my inner Eden on a post titled “Hump Day Chocolate Brownie Cookies.” And yes I proclaimed these bad boys will help you get laid. I thought you would be proud.

  12. OMG that oatmeal looks AMAZEBALLS. And you look so hot in that pictrure, girl! SRSLY you are gorgie. I would totes wanna be you.
    Awesome workout session at the gym.
    Oh, I am having a giveaway on my blog you should check it out you will luuuurrrrve it.

    Hi Eden — I do not read blogs of people who leave comments like the ones above and I do not like blogs that are written by “bloggers.” I think it is possible to have a blog, or write a blog without being “a blogger” — ypou know? Everything is so effing derivative and it drives me much. Everytime I read “into the blender went” or some other blog colloquialism I get freaked out. Worse thing is that there are probably a million things about my blog that annoy the crap out of other people. It’s awesome when you find one you love.

  13. +1
    ++1 to the point about the worshippers…. I find that so irritating…and its irritating that i find it irritating

  14. I don’t want to stroke your ego, but this is probably the funniest slash best post to come out of your fingertips to date. Items of note: your typical day and your bow down comment. Holy crap, I can’t stop laughing.

    • stroke away! My vagina is sore from my kegels and my cute dog, gorge husband, and annoying-in-a-cute-way-kid are a bit much so I could use the ego boost!

  15. I’ve got some sexy amazeballs and a hugh jass. Heh. I hope I’m not a blog whore, but good points, as always, and I still want you to cook for me one day. Especially if it’s something with balls.

  16. I read like 2 blogs (yours being one of them). It’s really terrible but i’m just not interested in most blogs. 1) I dont care what you ate. Im trying to recover from an ED and comparing my food to others never ends well. 2) I dont care how much you worked out. Basically, I stay away from health blogs. I like your blog because its different, you make a lot of jokes. Most bloggers dont joke. I laugh when I read your blog. The other blogs I read are educational and written by professionals. I’m boring. Whatever….

  17. Hi! Forgive me if I make no sense thanks to jetlag! I might have peed my pants just a little with your detailed account of your day. This whole post had me doubled over.

    Here is my real story: I have total social media ADD and I get overwhelmed easily. So I just give up. What I end up doing is just reading the blogs of the people I see on a regular basis, plus a few others who I have a personal connection with, or I love their content (I love Fitness&spice for example even though I don’t really know her well). I wouldn’t be lying if I said I have about 15-20 blogs that I rotate through, maybe a little more. And rotate- like I might read once every week or so.

    There are many blogs I may like but just have no time to read. One thing I have a hard time is deep, heavy lengthy text. I need short, sweet and to the point, with entertainment too. And a connection. I will make it through long posts of the bloggers i love as people but I can’t do it all the time either. Believe it or not, I prefer if someone only posts 2 time a week or even less b/c then I have a chance to keep up with them. The Nice Apple blogs are just beyond me. I don’t get it at all.

    I love your blog b/c it’s entertaining while being real and honest and not too long. and also b/c I know you- I know the person behind the blog voice. That’s huge.

  18. I have cut so many blogs because of exactly these reasons. I don’t care about your dog. At all. Your perfect life makes me want to throw up. I think your “cute” outfits that all the worshipers are “omg dying over” are awful. If this makes me a horrible person, oh well.

  19. I read your blog because your posts usually make me LOL & then people nearby look at me weird-like. Love awkward moments.

    Pineapple & quinoa together sounds pretty baller.

  20. I actually popped over from “peas and thank you” to read your blog. It’s my first visit, and I loved it! I don’t think you left out any thoughts I haven’t entertained myself about me, and other blogs. So funny!

  21. I am afraid I’m the annoying person with the dog. I can’t help it though, Basil is cute. <"();::::::::;~

    Once again I am laughing out loud – I love your day in review. I recently "thinned" my reader A LOT… getting rid of those that I really am not interested in.

    I love sweet quinoa. Last time I made it I had the BIGGEST food baby.

  22. I wish I wrote this post. Sigh.

    I hate 3x a day bloggers. I just… SLOW THE EFF DOWN. I canNOT catch up with your friggin lunch when I haven’t even seen your dinner from yesterday yet. And, STOP posting about every meal? why? whyyyyy. food tastes just as good without a camera next to it.

    I think my blog is great 50% of the time. So there you have it

  23. The solution is simple: just simply don’t read these blogs. Wouldn’t that be refreshing…I wonder why apparently such healthy living “I ate this and did that” blogs are so addictive? I’ve met bloggers who would complain about such bloggers but still read them because they cannot stay away. I wish someone wrote a thesis paper about this. Hm…

    Anyway, love. this. post. And I’m totally not kissing your ass when I say that I LOVE you and you ARE gorg!

    • I think others find them “addicted” cause they might like how this blogger looks and figure if they eat like them, they will look like them. This is why I really want Elmo to start a blog. I totally want to look like him!

  24. OMG Eden this is hysterical. I used to read those blogs when I first started out reading blogs at all but stopped soon after. I also hate the blogs that start out like a sorority girl where the blogger is all “omg hi my girlies I love u, how are u all doing this lovely morning! I have SO much to share with all u lovelies!!!”. drives. Me. Insane. I want to make them all eat bacon and real food!!!

    • This has me thinking…you see, in college (I’m 32) I was NOT ABOUT SORORITY GIRLS….Yes,all caps.
      I’ve aged and my resistance to conformity has gone down (because being “indie” and anti-conformity and “scenster” is like a whole other sorority and I decided I just like people regardless of what they are into Morrissey or Alpha Delta)…anyways. I have a feeling, Eden, that most of your readers were never in sororities*. Common thread. It is what it is. There are sorority girls and there are not.
      *Not that there is anything wrong with that.

  25. I enjoy reading your blog because you are REAL and HILARIOUS. I actually like reading people’s workouts, eats, but also blogs like yours that feature yummy recipes..I’m just special πŸ˜‰

  26. I really hate those bloggers who write, “I had 1/2 glass of wine, then another 2 oz. pour. Too much! I felt awful the next day.” Boo and bah and hiss. (Thank you, King Azaz from The Phantom Tollbooth.) Seriously? You. are. lame.

    Also, you hit the nail on the head with the point about the worshippers. Why does a post about a smoothie with chia seeds and a muffin crumbled on top (because it could never be eaten like a normal muffin!) warrant over 50 comments? Why do people need step-by-step recipes for SMOOTHIES? Are you so damn dense? Sorry, I suppose this really annoys me.

  27. Wonderful post! I think we have different blog-reading lists because I don’t read about people doing kegels, but I do get sick of blogs for many of the same reasons you listed. Mostly, though, I have a life and I don’t have hours to devote to reading and commenting on blogs. I won’t be hurt and offended if you don’t come visit my blog – my two readers keep me company. πŸ˜‰

    Thanks for a wonderful recipe and inspiration on what to do with the 10lb. bag of quinoa in my pantry!

  28. Not like you have a HUGE chip on your shoulder or anything. Seriously, girl.
    What a bitch.
    Get over yourself.

  29. Eden this post here is another reason why we love you!! When we were chatting with another blogger over the weekend, we mentioned your blog. How we love it. How you talk about blog things that no one else does….as far as blogging looking like others, etc. I sure hope my blog does not because I do not read many “big” blogs. The blogs I read and comment on our people I want to build a friendship with. The things on my blog I write for me. So I can look back and see what I did. So I share my favorite meal of the day, a new recipe, my workout because it is for me. If no one wants to hear about it, then I guess they should not read my blog. I am sorry I do not have a dog or babies, or even a husband to talk about in my post, it is just me and my sis.

  30. Hah, this definitely cracked me up. I used to have a ton of blogs in my Google Reader, then I cut them down drastically and started to only add people who post things OTHER than their daily eats. I can’t stand the daily eats thing, but apparently a lot of people love to read about it! Thanks for keeping the blog funny πŸ˜›

  31. Popped over from Abby’s latest marriage post. I don’t think this is bitter at all. I agree with you. There are millions of blogs out there and it takes forever to wade through the crap to find the good ones. I like how you’ve combined recipes with your opinions here. Very clever and different. Although I rarely cook anything that requires a recipe, I’ll stop by again. And I’m sorry about your dad’s struggle with cancer. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 23 and it’s really the shits.

  32. this is seriously so true. i stopped reading half my blog list because its all the same shit repeated. I used to talk about everything i did/ate/thought, but stopped a long time ago b/c, c’mon that isn’t stimulating anyone’s mind…i read blogs when people have stuff to say rather than they had a gloriously filling 400 calorie dinner followed by non fat pretend ice cream. Its just boring and isn’t doing anyone any good. My tip to bloggers? Be different and unique with your words….tell a story…..have a beginning, middle and end πŸ™‚

    xoxo,

    Lo

  33. i think i might be the only commenter here without a blog (?) i started finding these food/foodie blogs about a year ago and just by link jumping, have discovered a few that i like to read, a few i feel obligated to read, a few i have stopped reading… it’s weird to me. i’m surprised by how many of these blogs are written by girls with eating disorders or are recovering (or maybe i’m not surprised?) but i have to say, this is the first time i ever realized there are cliques amongst these blogs. i recently typed in “kath eats” into google to find a recipe and google suggested “kath eats annoying” – it struck me as funny but also surprising. i read her blog but i couldn’t say i’m a fan of her or not; i think i have more of a rubbernecker-syndrome (voyeurist) and i’m fascinated, disgusted, impressed by the commitment to blog every.single.thing.that.goes.into.your.mouth (not just her blog, quite a few others i have read). i didn’t realize there is a very real hierarchy of bloggers and food blog cliques. (man would i love to see a breakdown of the blogs that suck and why – but i imagine this would just be sort of mean spirited in the blog world since i mean, shit, these are real people after all). i only recently started reading you but your humor compels me to keep returning so instead of a “you’re so awesome!” how about a “thank you”!

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