Forgive me, but I’m about to sound like a total jackass.
If you are a blogger, you probably want me to read your blog.
I mean, you constantly tweet a link, beg me to “like” it on facebook, and whore it out on every comment you leave on other blogs.
Its not that I think I’m too good to read it, or that I’m some super star blogger that has no time to read some “civilian” blog post.
Mainly I’m just busy at work, hanging out with my dad at the cancer center, or plucking my eyebrow hairs. But sometimes, there are other reasons and I thought I’d share them with you:
Your blog looks like the 19209852423 other blogs: WordPress has hundreds of templates from which to choose. Yet most people use the same ones. But more importantly, many people write about what they ate, how they moved, how their life sucks or how their life is wonderful. It’s all fine, but everyone is doing it! I want something different. Maybe start post pictures of food you found in the garbage? Hey, at least its different. And on that note….
Your Blog is All About What You Did: Dude, I don’t care what you did today! I’m thinking one day I’ll write up:
Hey Blog luvies!!!!
My day started with a loooong sesh on the toilet as my hugh jass salad was comin out of my butt hole. LOLZ! Then I hit the gym and did:
15 reps of elbow squats
20 laps around a treadmill
and a lunge!
My legs are SOOOO sore!!!! LOL. My vagina is sore too! Must be all those kegels! Ha! Anywhoooooo…..I’m going out to dinner with my husband so I can eat the garnish off my salad. Yummers! Amazeballs! Toodles!!!!
See what I mean? I’m not interested.
You Whore It Out: I get it, you want readers and there is no better way to get readers than by promotion via twitter, facebook, tmblr, etc. But it can be overkill. “Twitter Litter” as I call it. I sometimes see bloggers tweet their same blog post ten times! Craziness! The more you force feed me, the more I’ll lose my blog reading appetite.
You have too many worshiping, gushy fans: Look, no one is worth idolization. I dont care if you’re Oprah or some hobit who runs marathons. Its perfectly fine to love someone. Hell, I’m in love with many bloggers. But nothing leaves a bad taste in my mouth like reading comments being all gushy and worshipy. Like:
You are SO gorge! Your abs are ripped, girl! How do you do that? I just started this new vegan cookie diet and I’m trying my hand at piloxing (its pilates and boxing! SO FUN!). Do you think that will get me as pretty as you!? Will I get a six pack like you if I do this! I want to be YOU!!!!
You Blog Too Much: I know, this might go against conventional advice that if you are blogging, you should do it consistently, as much as possible. But I have social media ADD. I only follow around 50 people at a time on twitter, and I can only keep up with so many blogs. Blog too often, and I’ll feel like the tortoise, huffing and puffing as I try to catch up. I’m sure those of you who can blog numerous times a day are also putting quality content out there, because I’m guessing its your job. But I’m a grandma in spirit and just cant keep up.
You Sell Out: Have you seen “The Greatest Movie Ever Sold”??? You should. Its about how movies sell out to advertising. And it made me realize that blogs sell out to advertisers. This also holds true when your book gets published or all you want is people to buy from your store or whatever. I get it, the economy is in the toilet and I wish my blog could help my wallet out too. And that’s why I’m not judging those blogs that turn into a giant commercial, I just dont read them.
So, why aren’t you reading certain blogs? I’d ask “Why aren’t you reading mine?” but clearly if you’ve read this far, I’ve already corrupted you.
And for the edible portion of the program, I have a quinoa that leans towards the sweet side. And as delicious as it is, its totally not dessert!
For the “pineapple upside down cake” quinoa you will need:
- 1 cup quinoa (or less, if I were to do a single serving, I’d do 1/2 cup dry quinoa to 1 cup water)
- 2 cups water
- 1/2 cup pineapple chunks (fresh or canned)
- 3/4 cup coconut milk (or other milk of choice)
- 1 1/2 tbs coconut butter or regular butter (I used regular)
- 1 tbs sugar (or sweetener of choice, you can use more if you like it extra sweet)
Cook the quinoa by rinsing and bringing it to a boil with the water. Turn the heat off, cover and let it sit for 12-15 min. Meanwhile, brown the butter and add the pineapple chunks and sugar and let it get golden brown and caramelize. Add in the cooked quinoa and milk and stir it with medium high heat until the quinoa absorbs the milk.