Vegan PB and J Bars and Flashback Friday: Bat Mitzvah Edition!

It peanut butter jelly time!

I think you will like this post…..

But I’ll be honest. I’ve been suffering from severe lack of blog post creativity. I feel that I’ve been losing my edge and maybe even a couple of readers as well these past couple of weeks.

Instead of some wacky diet tips to try out or weird terminology, I thought I’d write a little about my past. Very appropriate since its “Flashback friday”.

This flashback is about my bat mitzvah, which actually occurred on November 11, 2000.

see, no need for 300 people, just a bunch of friends can be classy too!

For you goys (or non jews) out there, bar (for guys) and bat (for girls) mitzvahs are a right of passage when you enter puberty. Usually the age is thirteen although sometimes girls have it at twelve. I had it when I was thirteen (even though I dont think I hit puberty until I was maybe fourteen). In the US at least, the boy/girl generally reads from the torah (for which they usually prepare for several months in advance). The parents throw a party (maybe two, usually a luncheon and a dinner) and the kid gets a ridiculous amount of money. That’s the gist of it.

My parents, true to their unconventional way to raise me, gave me control a little of my bat mitzvah.

No, it was not on a boat, it was a recreation room at a fancy shmancy Bel Air gated community that had a pool on the bottom floor from where the party was. I thought this lifesaver would be a good photo opp. And for the record, my hair is not naturally like that! I regret that crimp job I got done, but it was VERY cool at the time, because I am always VERY cool!

So, being a little younger than most of the people in my grade, by the time I was thirteen, I had already been to hundreds of bar mitzvahs (yes, hundreds). So I was an expert at what worked and what didn’t.

So for one, I knew I did not want to read from the Torah! Most Jews in the US would say that was cheating because the whole purpose of the lavish party is that you worked so hard to prepare for that reading. Well you know what? Girls in Israel traditionally don’t read and an eighth grader has plenty of homework as is! My parents didn’t object. We also were never really religious and probably blacklisted from local temples because my mom sent me to Jewish day school with a ham sandwich.

Second, limit the number of adults. What I hated from all the bar mitzvahs I had was that the would have an “adult” side of the room and a “kids” side and they basically surrounded the dance floor. Nothing is more embarrassing than shaking your ass to the thong song while grandpa Borris watches you as he finishes us his appetizer. So yea, no adults. I wanted it to be my party, not my parents’. Once again, no objections from the “rents”. I think my parents were more concerned about their own embarrassment.

yes, thats me on the floor swing dancing. Even though this does not look by any means elegant, I actually won three swing championships!

Third, have many food options. I can write a book about the art of Bar/Bat Mitzvah food. Its not like wedding food. The stars of the show are kids, who even at 12 or 13 can be picky. But you don’t want it to be pizza and punch like at birthday parties. I also know its always fun to have different “stations” to choose from.  A friend of mine (who for the record was extremely wealthy) had Wolfgang Puck himself churn out pizzas! Not to mention a sushi station, a DYI sundae station, and a made to order stir fry stations. We were not rich. So we had to take that down a notch. But we did have the caterer do an “Italian” station with pastas, garlic bread, lasgna, and some more carby goodness, as well as a Mexican station with DYI tacos, taquitos, chips ‘n salsa, and quesdillas. So everyone would get something. And I think my mom requested a salad in there for some green. For dessert, I decided to ditch the sundae bar (by that time, it was SO overdone) and did a “krispy kreme bar”.  The day of my Bat Miztvah, I had my dad risk his life and go to the most ghetto part of LA (where the closest krispy kreme was at the time) and order 100+ doughnuts. At the party, we provided a selection of toppings and they could top and decorate their doughnut to their liking. I was clever!

This was about a year before my eating disorder began. I wish I could look at that picture now and have no energy about it. And for the record, doughnuts are awesome, but I'm not a krispy kreme fan. Too sweet and someone please tell me how its krispy?

However, the day of, I woke up with the worst sore throat of my life! The kind that hurts even when you dont swallow! I went to the doctor a 10am and practically begged him to put some sort of numbing medication so I wont feel it for the party. He refused, ass hole.

So I was basically sucking on Halls throughout the whole thing and I couldn’t talk much either. O well, I guess perfection is impossible because aside from my throat, I had a blast.

my mom and me, and that poster everyone signs before they come in. She decided not to do another round of chemo a few months before that, so her hair grew a little.

The sad thing was, my mom was losing her battle with cancer. She died about a month after. This was one the last times I saw her all up and at em. She was bed ridden about two weeks later and then transported to the hospital two weeks after that. She looks pretty sick in the pictures, but she was beautiful regardless. I really didn’t know how severe it really was at the time, and I surely didn’t think this would actually take her life. I really admire how she let me be who I wanted to be and let me do what I wanted to do. I never got grounded, my parents believed I’d suffer for my mistakes when I made them, no use locking me in the house or room.  She totally helped me pull off an awesome party that i think even made my “rich” friends jealous. I didn’t have Elton John preform. I didn’t have henna tattoo artists or glass blowers. I didn’t have Emeril or Bobby Flay catering (although I wouldn’t have minded Julia Child’s expertise!). I didn’t even have more than 10 people over 14. But what I did have was an awesome time that I will never forget.

my krispy kreme glasses, they were all the rage, I swear.

Ok, so now for the food portion of the program…..

In a bowl mix the following ingredient (hands work best, a fork will be fine too):

-1/4 cup peanut flour

-2 tbs oatmeal

-1/2 cup of oatbran

-1 tbs of stevia baking blend (any sweetener you choose, or omit)

-1 slightly overripe banana

-1/4 cup of milk (any milk, almond, soy, coconut, dare i say it, the “moo” kind, but I used coconut)

-your favorite jam (I used the crofters superfruit!)

Simply mix all the ingredient (aside from the jam) in a bowl and pour into a greased loaf pan. It wont make a loaf, but this is a small serving (excellent if you don’t like making a huge ass batch for yourself!). If you pour it on a cookie sheet it will resemble a very sad pancake. Anyhow bake at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes. Then, pour on the jam to create a thin layer on top. Bake it off for ten more minutes and then stick it in the freezer for about an hour (just to help it set, we aren’t making popsicles here!). Cut into “bars” and inhale.

End 🙂