Guest Post: What Fat Chicks Really Think About Skinny Women

Before I hand over the reins of the this post, I just wanted to say that Deb is one of my favorite people on the planet. She was unbelievably kind and helpful when my dad went through his hemorrhage this past November. I truly consider her a long lost sister or cousin, or something a little above par than just another blog friend. She’s even more gorgeous and funny in person. One of the few people that makes me pee in laughter. So without further ado……I give you the Smoothie Girl herself:

Hello faithful Eden’s Eats readers,

I’m Deb from SmoothieGirlEatsToo.  As I’m usually so politically correct on my own blog, and Eden gave me the opportunity to guest post on her irreverent blog, I thought that I would really mouth off:  say dirty words, make generalizations and really piss people off.  It’s like a kid in a candy store.  Or a bull in a china shop.  You can decide.

You’re asking yourself, “What gives Deb the right to claim to know what fat chicks think?”

I am a fat chick.  Well, perhaps not physically  Not anymore anyway.  Even though I’ve lost about 100 pounds, I am still a fat chick deep down inside.  This is what comes natural to me:  eating too much food for purposes of enjoyment and not for fuel. Wanting to ‘treat myself’ because I deserve it.  Not wanting to exercise.  Wanting to eat a chimichanga and not a grilled chicken salad (dressing on the side, natch).

So with that introduction, I will now report from my perspective as a fat chick, what fat chicks really feel about skinny girls:

• We think that being skinny comes easy to you.  There are several reasons why we think this:

1. You have no emotional attachment to food.  You could eat a cupcake or a twig and it would make no difference to you emotionally.  As long as it has enough fuel you to get you to the mall to buy your cute clothes, that is all that matters.
2. You forget to eat. This has never happened to a fat chick. Ever. A fat chick who forgets to eat is either asleep or in a coma.  We fat chicks think that people who forget to eat are from Pluto. (Eden’s note: might I add crazy emaciated eating disordered girls don’t forget to eat, they just chose not to).
3. You barely eat anything. When you do finally remember to eat (at 9pm, without having had lunch), you eat 1/2 of your Happy Meal (why the hell did you buy a Happy Meal and not a REAL meal?) and toss the rest in the trash (True Story/Pluto alert)
4. We assume that you have never exercised a day in your life.  Unless we actually know you or see you jogging, we figure that you popped out of the womb just as you are (well, proportionally smaller or your mother wouldn’t have made it though the ordeal, now would she?)  We figure you might not even own athletic shoes because they might take up precious room for the Louboutins.

• Unlike you, the only apparel we can’t grow out of is shoes.  And handbags.  When I met my husband, he thought I was a white Imelda Marcos.  To a fat chick, there is joy in buying shoes and handbags, and makeup.
• We are envious that you can buy clothes anywhere. Cute clothes.  We cannot.  Back when I was physically fat, department stores did not carry large sizes.  And specialty shops- I called them “Fat Chick Shops” only offered gross, frumpy crap.  I’m FAT, dammit!  I’m not 67!
• You CAN eat whatever you want. Yes, this contradicts #3 above, but there isn’t much logic going on here as you might have guessed.  Whatever fattening food that you eat (assuming you eat it all, once you’ve remembered) goes into the Skinny Girl Bermuda Triangle.  Poof.  Gone.  Never will touch your thighs.
• We think that your life is perfect. After all, to a fat chick (now I know I’m generalizing, but only a little bit), the most important thing in life is being skinny.  When I was fat, I would have rather been ugly and skinny than pretty and fat.  If I had a dime for every time someone said “You have such a pretty FACE”(emphasis on FACE), I’d be a bazillionaire.
• Unless you are truly emaciated, we never suspect an eating disorder.  Just just envy you beyond what you can imagine for not caring about food and having an amazing metabolism.f (Eden’s Note: I always suspect an eating disorder. Than again, Deb wouldn’t consider me a “fat chick” even though part of me really thinks I am one as I agree with most of the points).

I hope that you have enjoyed this little window into how fat chicks see skinny girls.  Now, having seen the other side of the coin, I know that we fat chicks don’t have the whole story and are very confused about many of the realities of being thin.  Nevertheless, you can still feel free to scream at me here on dear Eden’s blog.  But please don’t go over to my blog and do that.  We’re all about the butterflies and unicorns over there.

Eden’s Note: I love you, Deb. I hope I make the skinny bitch cut off!