First off..wowie wow wow! Holy crap, readers! I had NO idea my last post would generate such a powerful lurker awakening! I think its awesome when I pull the lurkers out of hiding. I really appreciate all the kind words you’ve said. I know many of you asked questions which I will answer in a future post later this week. Yes, I’m dedicating a whole post to answer your questions. Get excited!
However the responses have convinced me that I need to clear a few things about me. And since I get into a habit of myth busting, I thought I’d bust some myths about myself.
Myth: I’m a 100% recovered with full weight restored
Fact: While thats a lovely thought, its not the truth. Am I emaciated? Hell no, thank goodness! Do I still eat like I did when I was sick? No. Do I exercise as much as I used to? No.
I don’t consider myself completely free of the prison that my eating disorder has built in my head. I am not sure how to explain it, but lets put it this way; I still “care”. I still “care” about what I eat. I still have energy towards what I consume, I still feel guilty when I don’t exercise, I still have days where I feel bad about the way I look. I don’t know if I’ll ever be totally indifferent to what I eat or how much I move. But the important thing is that I’m not at an unhealthy weight and I don’t eat or exercise in destructive or harmful patterns.
Myth: I’m SO happy now that I don’t “engage” in disorder behavior!
Fact: I’m not depressed, but I’m not exactly unicorns and rainbows. Its weird, but most people expect to feel this euphoria once they go through treatment and weight restoration. But in fact, I find most people find the hardest part comes after all that. You’re no longer numb by the hunger and fatigue of your depleted energy. So now, you have to deal with the real world. I’m no longer in denial (or numb), so I actually feel things and they aren’t always spectacular. Long story short, your problems don’t go away once your eating disorder subsides, but at least now, you can actually deal with them.
Myth: I Love My Body!!
Fact: Bullshit!!!!! Don’t you dare think I’m oozing confidence and strutting my stuff down the street (not that I dont strut down the whole foods aisle when nobody is looking). I get really hung up about the way I look! Its weird because I’m not shallow when I’m judging other people (yes, I judge, we all do it!). I never think about someone’s “muffin top” or cellulite, but I’ll still sure as hell scrutinize mine! I’ve just come to accept that I’ll never have a love affair with my body or my looks. And if there is anything I’ve learned from my impatient stay its that I need to let my trusty friends be my “eyes”. I know they’ll tell me I look to thin, or like shit, or drop dead gorgeous, and I should accept what they have to say.
Myth: I think the way I look or how much I weigh isn’t everything
Fact: Actually, this one is not a myth. At the end of the day, I’ve learned that the way I look really doesn’t matter too much in the end. No matter how much weight I gain or no matter how many days I forgo exercise, I’ll still be quirky and snarky. Its when I loose weight that I tend to not be as funny, as lively, or as smart (wow, could you imagine a malnourished Eden running around??? Paris Hilton would have some stiff competition!). And I guess, that’s really all that matters. Because as I’ve mentioned before: in then end, I really don’t want to be buried with people thinking, “Well, at least she was thin”.
So there you have it. Some clarifications about me. What about you? Do you put off an image that you think is actually a myth about yourself?
And of course, something for you to drool over! I’m so proud of myself for making this recipe up because its super quick and easy! You’ll never order those bread sticks from pizza joints again!
3/4 cup cheddar cheese (or any other cheese you like)
3/4 cup AP flour or potato flour
3 strips of crispy bacon (I just placed it in the oven for about 10 min)
1/2 seasoned salt (I personally am in love with the Lawry’s seasoned salt, but any salt will do)
2 tablespoon half-and-half or whole milk