Roasted Red Pepper Gazpacho and the Supermarket Checkout

They say not to judge a book by its cover. But I haven’t heard about judging someone based on their grocery store checkout items.


I have never worked as a cashier at a grocery or drug store, but I imagine they have seen questionable combinations.

I thought I would present to you some simple checkout combination and the type of person such items might equal. Here’s a blueprint:

 (suggestive item #1) + (suggestive #2) = (type of person that might find use in such items)

Here’s a few I came up with:

  • disposable enema + bottle of champagne = person celebrating the end of constipation
  • tampons + midol + chocolate bar + a machete = take a wild guess
  • diapers + condoms = someone learning from their mistake
  • 8 Slim Fast can + double stuff oreos = a fickle dieter
  • gum + diet soda + laxitive + snuggie = a very cold eating disordered individual
  • apples + razor blades + pickles = a pregnant Halloween serial killer
  • 16 lbs of raw steak + sewing needles + thread + cat food = Lady Gaga (assuming she has a cat)
  • Rubber bands + plastic wrap = someone who couldn’t afford condoms
  • Blank CDs + koala yummies + orbitz = a normal person in 1995
  • brownie mix + cheese cloth = a normal person in the late 60’s
  • Brussels sprouts (aka, little farts) + beer + Hustler + Pokemon Cards= Single and probably staying that way
  • Laxatives + Drano = Someone with a back up plan
  • oatmeal + almond milk + nut butter + chia seed + protein powder = just another “healthy” blogger
  • preparation H + paper towels + coke zero + gummy worms = Me last week


Alright, give me suggestive or funny combos.

 And PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE WITH STEVIA ON TOP VOTE FOR MY RECIPE! I’m donating my prize money to The Great Fund Raising Act! The voting ends TONIGHT and you can vote multiple times. We need to kick it into high gear people because the other contestant is obviouslty cheating! Please help us give cancer the finger by voting! They now also have a video of someone making my recipe (I would have done a better job, duh!).

It seems like its been forever since I’ve posted a recipe. So I guess its your lucky day! Mind you, I would never post a recipe of something I thought tasted like shit. So yea, no green smoothies on this blog. But this gazpacho is NOT a smoothie. And there are no real “greens” in it. Win win!

For one “Eden” serving (maybe for two normal people):

  • 2 vine-ripened tomatoes or 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes
  • 1/2 cup water, chicken or vegetable broth
  • 1 roasted red bell pepper
  • 1 Persian cucumber, roughly chopped
  • 1 medium garlic clove, minced
  • 2 tbs  extra-virgin olive oil
  • lime juice
  • 1 teaspoons sherry vinegar
  • 1 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
  • dash of ground cumin
  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt

I roasted a bell pepper by letting it char on my gas stove. This is honestly the fastest way and the only way we did it in culinary school. Make sure all sides get really black! Then cover with foil or put in a brown paper bag to allow the steam to help the skin come off more easily. Once its cooled, peel the skins off and remove the stem and the seeds.

Then put all of the ingredients in the blender and flip the switch.

I love cold gazpacho so put it in the fridge to chill.

25 thoughts on “Roasted Red Pepper Gazpacho and the Supermarket Checkout

  1. condoms + johnsonville brats = edible practice

    The funny thing is, in our early stages of dating my now fiance actually purchased this combination. The 70 year cashier lady gave him a questionable look, and he did in fact tell her it was for practice. What a winner I have.

  2. I couldn’t believe it when I read the first one because – listen to this – A few years back I saw a man in Walgreens buying two (2!) enema kits, a box of condoms, breath mints and a bottle of Yellow Tail Chardonnay.
    Ok. I am a rather prudish woman. But the dirtiest assumption kept popping in my head…I had to go back to work and ask around …”Pssstt….is that like, a homosexual thing you think?” and “Have you heard about that? Do they like…clear out before being intimate?”
    Totally fine. My colleagues know I’m a freak.
    But man, I was scarred for life. I felt like I had such a dirty mind.

  3. Voted!

    And I love checking out other people’s grocery carts. Especially (and this sounds so weird) the elderly. You get a lot of variety there and thinking of their backstory is always fun for me!

  4. You must sit and chuckle at yourself when you come up with this stuff!! 🙂

    Loved this post – I think there should be a #2. I would give you a starting point, but I am not clever enough for that!

  5. i bought a romance novel and a pack of batteries which prompted the clerk to say “i know what you’re doing tonight wink wink!” wasn’t until i was in my car that i realized what she was talking about.

  6. I am definitely convinced that asshat is cheating, because I’ve voted for you about 15million times by now, and I’m sure the rest of us have also! Bogus!

  7. Lysol+bleach+antibiotic hand sanitizer= Germaphobe
    Bug traps+ bug spray+mosquito net=Entomophobe
    Light bulbs= Nyctohylophobe
    Pack of 7 buns, seven hot dogs, and seven pickles= Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobe
    Everything= Decidophobia
    Nothing, not even a cart= Panophobia

    (Can you guess what they are without looking on wiki?)

  8. Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen someone buy: this super manly muscular dude from my high school who was also highly intelligent and obnoxious = a 12 pk of Coors heavy & a tube of Crescent Rolls.

  9. i buy slim fast and oreos all the time, true story. The hubs likes it after a hard training ride. Oreos or fig newtons. THen everyone stares at me like a depressed dieting wife. Its kinda fun t play tht part just for reactions

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