Caramel Cookies and How To Look Poor

After writing this post, I’ve decided to actually tackle some taboo topics.

I have tons to say about poo, but I’m saving that for another time.

Today, I’m gonna tell you how rich people like to pretend to be poor.

I went to a very expensive high school. Most of my classmates were rich. Some were “make-me-want-to-puke-because-you-have-a-butler-and-a-private-jet” rich. But I was on scholarship, and paid about 1/40 of the normal tuition. It was not unusual for some girl at my high school to ask me,

“you go here? you don’t look rich!” (I kid you not, this totally happened!)

Now don’t get me wrong. I had what I needed, but not everything I wanted. I’m not living on the streets, but I know what its like to struggle with finances. And so before you read any further, I should warn you that I don’t REALLY know what its like to be poor. I joke that I’m poor. But I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge. I’m not shopping at whole foods, but I’m also not shopping the dumpster. So like always, take what I write with a grain of kosher salt.

Oh dear…

With the economy being a little limp, it’s suddenly become so trendy to look poor. People pay lots of money to look poor! They will go to hippie concerts like Coachella and not shower for a week so they can mingle with other “poor” civilians. There are very few rich people left, so it might be very lonely to be rich these days.

Fear no more, I have tips to help you achieve that “I’m poor” look:

Mismatched Clothes: Poor people have to make do with the treasures they find in a dumpster or what a shelter might give them. So that may be magenta leggings with flannel overalls and LA gear sneakers where the lights don’t work.

Give Up Some Of Your Recreational Sports: Let me tell you something: poor people don’t ski, sail, horseback ride, or scuba dive. Did you ever hear a kid from an inner city school say,

“Yo, I’m goin to Vail to hit up the slopes!”

Yea. Those sports involve money. Your gonna have to participate in activities that don’t cost 900 bucks in just apparel and gear (let alone lift tickets). I would try basketball, hand ball, even jacks with some stolen sugar packets. Now that sounds like a fun but modest activity!

Don’t Shop At Target: A lot of my rich friends will be all,

“I’m so poor! I shop at TARGET for crying out loud!!!!”

Shut up. Everyone shops at target. I saw Leonardo DiCaprio at Target with his hot, skinny girlfriend (no, I’m SOOOO not jealous of her).

Shopping at places other than Saks or Barney’s does not make you appear poor. Poor people don’t shop. They window shop. Even on itunes.

Bottom Line: If you are reading this, you probably aren’t poor. There is nothing wrong with having money. And if you do have money, don’t try to pretend like you don’t. Just don’t be pretentious and feel free to be generous.

At least by the homeless a pair of LA gears with lights that work.

Or at the very least, buy me a pony.

Are you shy about your financial situation? Do you ever act like you have more/less than you do to “fit in”? Will you buy me a pony?

So I have no brilliant transition into today’s recipe. I just found a package of caramels that I got I got in a gift basket from like seven years ago.

Caramels dont go bad, right? Oh well, these cookies were still excellent. If I don’t post tomorrow, the caramels were for sure bad. And…ugh…call my dad. Tell him I love him.

So recreate a possibly less toxic version you will need:

  • 1/2 cup oatmeal
  • 1/2 cup all-purpose or coconut flour
  • 1/2 cup sugar or sweetener of choice
  • 2 tbs peanut butter
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup milk of choice
  • 1 egg
  • 8-10 caramels

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Grind up the oatmeal and sugar in a coffee grinder/magic bullet/foodprocessor/blender. That way you get like a powdered sugar oatmeal. This is good shit!

Anyhow, mix all the ingredients up with a mixer or if you want to go “hobo” like me, a plastic fork I stole from 7 eleven (no joke, its what I used. Our washing machine is broken and yes, I’m losing sleep over that). Once all is mix form into small balls and place on a greased cookie sheet. Unwrap a caramel and place it in the center of the cookie dough. Bake for about 10-15 min. The caramel will spill over and burn a little. But its yummy that way. Makes 8-10 cookies.

25 thoughts on “Caramel Cookies and How To Look Poor

  1. Isn’t Leo with that Gossip Girl chick now? Not that it matters, I think she’s hot blond and skinny too, hah..
    I am poor since I’m currently unemployed. And I too steal forks if they’re available! Wendy’s has the best one’s, they’re even individually wrapped 😀

  2. I try not to talk about financial situations with people at my school because it always results in someone feeling bad about themselves, and sometimes its the person with more money since they feel guilty. And I don’t get the dressing poor trend. Yeah mismatch clothes and layers can sometimes look cool, but why dress to look like you are literally wearing every thing you own?

  3. Apparently I grew up somewhat poor, but my parents hid it well-enough that my sister & I didn’t realize it till we were adults. I never knew that the all play-dates my mom scheduled with her best friend & son were due to the fact that we were low on food, and that way we’d get at least one hot meal. I always figured it was because at the time they were both stay-at-home moms & had nothing better to do than sit around & chat & try make all us kids be friends! And when I was in high school, both my parents lost their jobs within 6 months of each other, and at 15, I was the only one working for about 9 months. THAT was a kick in the butt. I feel sometimes like my family is poor, but it’s more because I don’t have the disposable income to go out & buy everything I want (Hello, Kitchen Aid? You can send me that stand mixer now. In Bayleaf please.), but I have a job, I have a house, my car’s paid off, we’ve got food in the fridge, and my son’s not running around in rags, so in reality, we’re doing okay.

  4. LA Gear sneakers had LIGHTS? Not the ones I had in the 80s- those rad high tops with the velcro. Yah I was bad.

    I have candy that is 5 yrs old and I still eat it and it’s delicious- keeps perfectly in the fridge or freezer.

    Re. money. I’ve been blessed and although we had very little money when I was small, we did not suffer. We lived in a small duplex and due to the fact that my Grandma worked in the kids section of “Roos Atkins” in SF, I was clothed to the 9s. Nowadays, (as you know) both Derek and I are frugal, which helps to make our financial situation better. I NEVER shop at whole foods, always buy what’s on sale, buy much of my cutest clothes at thrift shops, eat at home about 90% of the time and have a hard time throwing perfectly good food away.

    I won’t buy you a pony, but I’ll buy you a My Little Pony with the ass that smells like cake. Consider it your birthday present.

  5. I act like I have more money than I actually have. We’re leaving off one income and my savings. I’m good at faking like I have money. I’ve always been average. Didn’t grow up poor or rich, which was fine by me. I’ve always had what I needed!

  6. hahaha oh my god one of my hugest pet peeves is when someone says “i’m so poor i shop at target!” i’m like ARE YOU FOR REAL target is EXPENSIVE haha, i want to be like “i’m so poor i don’t shop” even though i do but you know what i mean

  7. I’m not poor but I really am not a big spender either. Aside from things like my car and house I don’t really care so much. And I LOVE Target! Even before it became a fad I was shopping there.

  8. What really bothers me, and is kind of related, is how selfish some rich people can be. (I know that anyone can be selfish, but it’s a lot more obvious when they are…) I have an acquaintance who drives a Mercedes, lives in a massive house with a sauna, pool, and tennis court, shops all the time, and yet complains constantly about how she has no money, leaves really crappy tips if we’re eating out or something, and never offers to help out with anything. Yet I know others who actually have next to no money, and they would still give you the shirt off their back if they thought it would be of use.

    Also, hi! I’m a new reader. I’ve been struggling with eating issues for the past few years, and specifically trying to overcome them within the past 6 months or so. Reading through your blog has been helping me put some levity on the whole situation, as well as helping me to see that I’m really not alone in the craziness that these disorders produce. So thanks for that.

  9. If you’re really poor, you don’t shop. Period.

    PS I can’t wait to find out what POS said that to you. Yeah, that’s right. I went to high school with Eden!!!!!

  10. we so poor! and ain’t no shame. We like to hoard coupons to see how much we can save. There a scary addictive thrill to that, eh?
    And the olsen twins always have a poor/hobbit looking outfit on yet they were born rich.

  11. This whole I’m rich, but want to look poor is SO odd to me. I just don’t get it!
    & Target is expensive…so I hate when people say that! I mean, it’s not Whole Foods prices, but it’s not WalMart either. I do shop at Target because I like it, but I also don’t claim to be poor. (& I definitely don’t claim to be rich either!!) That always kind of drives me nuts when people say that, and then they drive off in a Mercedes. I’m like ummmm, ok?!
    & sure, I’ll buy you a pony 😉 Just kidding! If I ever win the lotto I will though! 😀

  12. Need to get my ass to target apparently… i mean, if Leo’s shopping there… I’m clearly missing out on some serious man-candy

  13. You are awesome because you reminded me of how effing cool LA Gear sneakers were… and how uncool I was for not being able to have a pair 😉

  14. I like to say “I’m Rich, Bitch” like the end of Dave Chappelle show. our goal, to retire by 35. the stock options may not let that happen, but we save as much as we can. since college I worked my butt off and put it all away, so heck yeah I go on vacations and have fun with it! I also give to several charities and pretty much support a sibling.

    that first photo reminds me of the “Derelicte” line from Zoolander! 😀

  15. Mmmm, caramel cookies look DELICIOUS!!

    I don’t “pretend to be poor,” but i surely don’t go around telling everyone that my dad owns a company. We aren’t “loaded,” but my dad (and mom!) works freakin’ hard to make what he does, and I am forever grateful for instilling a hard-working attitude in his kids 🙂

  16. Oh my – those cookies look awesome. Love your “how to look poor” tutorial, haha. VERY informative.

    And also, you’ll be glad to know I mentioned “poop” in one of my posts the other day 🙂

  17. I am blessed to be not rich but very comfortable. Living in NYC, much like California, everything is so over-priced. I love my older brother but he is wealthy and extremely cheap. i have done the two day Avon breast cancer walk a few times. Anytime, I have asked him for a donation, he looks like he needs to break open his piggy bank, to give me his last dime. His wife of two years, who is from another country, walks around in winter, in a thread bare ski-jacket. If you have money spend it. Not foolishly, or flashy, get your poor wife a damn jacket!

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