There’s only so much to do in such a short ride, but screwing it up could make it seem like an eternity before you reach your floor.
So I offer some etiquette guidelines.
Look Up, Retarded Pigeon Style! Look up at the top of the elevator where the passing floors are shown. You need to look up there every 1.5 seconds or the elevator will not stop at your floor! It’s an unwritten law. Don’t fret if everyone thinks you’re a pigeon. If you are a pigeon, please, for goodness sakes, don’t shit in the elevator, and no, I don’t have any bread crumbs in my pocket!
Sing-a-Long: By all means, sing along to your ipod. Or hum your heart out. Both are equally classic. People really like to listen to live music, especially when packed tight together like sardines. Just you better not do this a your work builing, you could lose your job.
Odor Rules: No bathing yourself in perfume or cologne, no eating brussels sprouts (ie, little edible farts), and any other gas inducing foods.
Wrangle Your Kids: We all know I’m not a fan of kids in the public restrooms. Same goes for kids in elevators. It’s a bad place for them to learn about buttons. I give kids the stink eye when they put all their sticky little fingers on all the buttons because I really do have better things to do than to stop on every floor. It’s not cute.
If Some Nut Makes Eye Contact….comment about the weather or masturbation. People absolutely get giddy over talking about the weather and masturbation equally. If that small talk topic doesn’t come to mind, bring up the politics. But if they start getting specific about the latest Tea Party Convention, press the emergency button immediately and act like you’re fainting.
Oh yea, don’t fart: If you must…..queef.
Did I miss anything?
You may have noticed I changed my Gravatar picture. I know, I’m soooooooo hot. But trust me, I would never look like that if it weren’t for the make-up and hair magic from one of my unofficial adopted moms. If you are ever in the LA area and need to look gorgeous, she’s your girl. Anyhow, I made her some Pure2Raw Twins inspired dessert socca to thank her. I tweaked the recipe a little, so vegans might hate me a bit…
- 1 cup garbanzo bean flour
- 1 egg (sorry, vegans)
- 1/2 mashed banana
- 3 tbs cup sugar or stevia
- 1/2 cup yogurt (I used a vanilla yogurt but greek would work)
- 1/4 cup cocoa powder (I used Hershey’s Special Dark)
- 3/4 tsp Cinnamon
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Simply mix all the wet and dry ingredients. I used a fork but I suppose you could bust out the mixer. But a fork is less clean up and saves energy…I guess?
Anyhow, pour the mixture into a greased loaf pan and bake for about 25-35 min or until firm. Slice it up and devour.
OMG you made ChOColate socca- I didn’t even know that was done! I’ve never tried regular socca. Yum.
Hilarious- yes, Brits in particular love to talk about the weather. Brits and my brother. Weather obsessed I’d say. And my swedish relatives. OK maybe it just runs in the family. By the way, it was 115 today here. Betcha can’t wait!
Oh and one more thing: never, ever jump in an elevator unless you want to fall to your death. And if you press the button for the floor that you want repeatedly, you’ll get there faster. Pinky swear.
Oh shit, my eye balls are going to melt!
Okay this goes for buses too. When you are waiting to get on the elevator don’t stand immediately in front of the doors when they open and start walking right in. Sometimes other people have to get off! One time I was blocked from the door and ended up riding back up a few floors and down again.
I’m going to have to use the eye contact tip haha!
I have honestly never hear of Socca. I will google it after this!
Love the elevator rules! Too true!
Love your new picture, you are hot 🙂
Socca makes the world better, especially with chocolate!! We have not tried it with eggs, glad to see if came out with them. Looks great, we are honored you choose to make it.
I have serious elevator rage issues so I had to laugh. I HATE when people push the wrong dang button and just look around and say “oops, sorry”. Ok thanks now I get to stop on yet another floor unnecessarily. Oops. And why do people think they must talk? You really don’t have to try to be funny with me. I will likely never see you again anyway.
I love making socca, but have never made it with eggs. Wonder if it’d work the same….probably less dense than this one appears.
elevator chit chat is always annoying. Maybe we should post a sign in there saying, “silence is golden”?
Dude. You said “queef.”
It sounds weird to say that made my morning, but….
Mmm, that socca loaf looks delicious!!
LOL..i hate elevators. hate them..
Okay, so I am probably the only person who has this problem, but you know those little buttons on the elevator for opening and closing the door? Those confuse me so much!!! I don’t know why but everytime I look at one I can never tell if it closes the door or opens it. FAIL!
damn that socca is dark! very chocolate-y looking…. you know what they say.. the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice.
yea, that’s right; I quoted Tupac.
What the heck is socca??? Never heard of such a thing … but it looks freakin’ awesome!
why do people find it necessary to squeeze as many people in one elevator trip as possible? i’d like to not feel the boner behind me, thanks. or the arm hair of the people standing next to me and being so close i can smell what they ate for lunch. (unless it was something good.)
if an elevator opens and it’s packed, i’m taking the stairs.
That socca looks fantastic.
Yum. That special dark powder is flipping fantastic. I am obsessed with it. I made savory socca once but never sweet. I need to give it a whirl.
ELEVATORS. I hate them. I am claustro. It’s worse when they are lined with mirrors so you see like 18 images of all the strangers you are in the tiny box with.
This is a really random question but were you on Millionaire matchmaker? Its on tv in the UK right now and I swear I just saw you!!!
Beans make me queef, but that loaf of fudge would be totally worth it.
Yep, totally worth it
i’m feelin this cocoa socca loaf except i keep pronouncing socca like it rhymes with cocoa