I’m officially unemployed.
I did have a fabulous private chefing gig. But they ran away to the midwest and I swear it was not because of my cooking. School is out for the cooking classes I teach at some local schools. And let’s face it, I’m not a “popular blog” so my foodbuzz monthly revenue is about 80 cents (and I’m rounding up). Blogging will never be my “career” and I don’t really believe you if you were to tell me it is. Lie to me if you have to, tell me you walk dogs or ponies, but don’t tell me your a professional blogger.
Its a tough economy. I mean, dude, Hookers have groupon deals ( “75% off standard Blow Job”)! But my mom always taught me to find the lighter side of dark times. So I thought I’d jot down some points about the silver lining of being unemployed for the next few months. You know, so I don’t end up being a hooker with a groupon deal.
I Can Get RIPPPPPED!!!!
Hmm…with all those hours I spend working and commuting to work, I can just use those hours to hit the weight room and recharge that sleeping exercise maniac hiding deep within me. I can finally be like all those freakish-roid-half-man ripped women that work out 28/7 (yes, thats not a typo, 28 hours a day)!
I can spend the extra time poaching chicken breasts and steaming broccoli for my “fuel”. I’ll be a fart machine, no doubt. But I’ll probably be able to beat you up too.
No More Un-Trained Humans (IE Kids)
People think I hate kids. I don’t. But I confess, I don’t love teaching them cooking. Food, combined with a few cases of ADD, a few over-sensitive girls, and a few boys that take my class because their parents made them, and I’m surprised I haven’t gouged my eyes out with their stupid silly bands or whatever they’re playing with.
Anyhow, its nice to have a break from them and let their parents reflect on their decision to procreate.
Read Some Blogs
I feel guilty when I look at my comment section and see bloggers commenting. Because 9 times outs of 8 times, I haven’t read their latest blog post. I feel like I should read every blogger that supports and reads mine. Even though I avoid the mundane ones no matter what, I can now finally read the blog gems of my commenters. Crossing my fingers that they will indeed be “gems” and not “turds”…or just a bowl of oatmeal.
I Can Switch Careers!
I’ve considered some other careers before, but I’m thinking being a life coach is my best bet! Give advice? Why not get paid for that shit:
Should I break up with my boyfriend? Yes, he’s a prick. I’ve slept with him.
Should I get a dog? No, get cat, they shit in a box.
Should quit my job???? No, dont rock that boat bitch, look how I ended up.
Craig Will Be My Bitch
Since I will now be on the job hunt, I’ll probably be on my dear friend’s list. But what you probably don’t know is that surfing craigslist is actually very humorous and entertaining. All the “missed connections” posts, all the weird shit people are trying to sell (kidneys, used condoms, ponies, etc), and all the weird things people are will to do to make a buck or two.
Now that I think about it, I don’t need a job.
I’ll just sell my hooker groupon deals on craigslist.
And maybe my pony.
What is your silver lining of something kinda shitty in your life? Or maybe you have a job or money to offer me? I’ll take either (money is better, duh, Jew here).