Feta Black Olive Cookies and Public Toilets Explained

Why I’m having a recipe and a “toilet talk” in a post is beyond me. I apologize in advance if this post makes you uncomfortable in any way. Please send all hate mail to edendoesntgiveafuck@gmail.com.

Anyhow, I’ve realized I’m a bit of a “public toilet”connoisseur. I blame the fact that my bladder is the size of an altoid. I’ve been to public toilets everywhere. In malls, airports, gas stations, libraries, different countries where the toilet is a hole in the ground, even in Dracula’s Castle in Romania.

I know my public toilets.

Um, weird.

So I thought I’d do that thing us bloggers love to do and list some of my little “unwritten rules” about these toilets:

1) The Handicapped Stall:I think it’s a law in the US that every toilet have a designated handicapped stall. This is a fine idea because I met a girl when I was traveling abroad in a country that this wasn’t a law and it was awful for her to have to hold it in until she got home. But, there is another use for these stalls. It’s for going number two. I mean, dude, I think THAT might be what those handlebars are for. And there is usually a baby changing station so you can bring that thing down and put a laptop and watch a movie on it. Its nice a roomy….Granted, you CANNOT use that stall if someone seriously handicapped is there. If that’s the case you better hold it in until they leave so you dont make them choke on the smell of your digested brussels sprouts!

Chatterboxes: I have nothing against texting or using mobile web on the toilet. I mean, who has magazines these days???  However, there are chatterboxes who share the sounds of straining with their friends. And I am not their friend.
Toilet Paper: Ahh yes, I’m so picky about my toilet paper. I like mine soft, but not too soft where it resembles satin. I like it on the thicker side and I like there there to be lot of it. But most public restrooms have a hybrid pine cones, sandpaper, ass hairs and rough sponges. This is awful because you find yourself buying new underwear because of all the paper cuts on your ass! I do have a roll of toilet paper in my car that I sometime bust out. You know, for butt-cut prevention and impromptu teepeeing.

And of course, I guess anything is better than this…..

Kids: Nothing pisses me off more than kids that aren’t trained to act like humans yet. They look or even climb under or over a stall at you and scare the shit (pun very much intended) out of you! And their mom’s will be all, “Oh, my son/daughter is just curious! ahahaha!”. 

No lady, your kid is perverted. I remedy this by putting my foot in their face to push them out.

You wonder why I dont think I should have children…..

Any pulic toilet adventures you would like to share?

So here I leave you with a very successful experiment I did when I had a lot of leftover feta and olives.  

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup  black olives,  coarsely chopped
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
2 tablespoons grated lemon zest
Pinch of kosher salt
1 cup feta cheese
1/4 cup milk or water
4 slices of prosciutto
 
1). Pre heat the oven to 375° F
 
2. Stir together the flour, olives, sugar, baking powder, lemon zest, and salt in a medium bowl. Beat in the cheese and milk. pour the mixture into the dry ingredients, and mix with your hands until the dough no longer looks dry and holds together when squeezed, 1 to 2 minutes.

3.  Pinch off 1 rounded tablespoon (about 1 ounce) of dough and roll it into a ball. Place it on a greased cookie sheet.

4. Bake until the cookies are edged with brown and pebbled on top, 10 to 12 minutes. Slide the parchment onto a wire cooling rack. Repeat with the remaining dough.

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34 thoughts on “Feta Black Olive Cookies and Public Toilets Explained

  1. I am really glad those images of bathrooms are not yours. That would be taking blogging to a whole new level. Although.. as a food blogger.. you may be wanting to document both times you get to see your food….

  2. HAHAHA! I love edendoesntgiveafuck@gmail.com

    It never ceases to amaze, just how disgusting human beings become when they are in a public restroom. I was in a public restroom at a Ritz Carlton recently and there was pee all over a seat in one of the stalls. A RITZ! One could have eaten off the floors of that bathroom, yet some priss couldn’t bring her ass to the seat? Come on!

  3. As one who used to work in fast food & has had to clean shit off of public restroom floors & walls, they are the stuff of my nightmares (although the men’s room always got it worse). I’m not so phobic that I won’t use them if I have to (thanks to having a kid, I have a weak bladder now), but nothing irritates me more than having to wipe off the seat before I sit my ass down to go.

  4. Ah yes, public toilets. When I was in Taiwan last year, I was introduced to the “female urinal” for lack of a better word. I think that perhaps this drop & squat contraption would not have been so shocking if I wasn’t completely hammered standing there in the toilet trailer pulled up alongside my event. Trying to pop a squat in a pencil skirt is a mean feat, let me tell you. And then, a few days later, when we traveled to Southern Taiwan, it was all female urinals all the time, for three straight days. Yeahhh, I’ll pass. 🙂

  5. I have a theory with public restrooms that you should always use the second stall if possible (this is in situations where there are 3 stalls, the last one being handicapped). I’ve just always found it to be the cleanest, maybe because it’s the least used? I have no scientific data to back this up by the way.

    And I do think it’s a little gross when people are sitting on the toilet and texting. Although I do know a guy who takes his entire laptop with him to the bathroom…

  6. I texted on the toilet once and ended up dropping my phone in the toilet. Not a good idea!!!

    In Japan, in public bathrooms there’s a machine on the wall where if you put your hand in front of the motion sensor it makes a gurgling noise to cover up the sound of you peeing. I think they were invented because women would flush the toilet continuously while they were on it to cover up the noise, so they were implemented as an eco-friendly alternative. (By the way, it doesn’t cover up the sound of farting.)

    We also have the hole-in-the-ground toilets here, but they’re not that bad! Plus you can flush them with your foot so you don’t have to touch the handle, which I always find the grossest part of going to the bathroom. http://img02.ti-da.net/usr/matukura/%E5%92%8C%E5%BC%8F%E4%BE%BF%E6%89%80.jpg

    • I LOVE Japan for the toilet visits alone- I love those machines! And the ones that give your butt a squirt at the push of a button. Once my husband decided to see what ‘that button’ did and ended up with water all over the front of his body. We still laugh about that a decade later! Agreed- the hole-in-the-floor toilets arent’ as bad as people seem to think!

  7. I guess I have a lot to say about toilets. I’m a hoverer and a devout toilet seat wiper afterwards b/c no one likes a wet seat. Thank god for lunges and squats. And thank god for my bicycle event-riding days b/c that got me over my fear of porta potties. Never turn down the opportunity for a pee.

    Um, Did you really post a cookie recipe with olives and ham? I’m trying to wrap my head around that one. It’s probably rad like chocolate covered bacon ice cream but I might need to have you make it for me to prove its worthiness. Kudos for the creativity though.

  8. Uggh I hate public restrooms! I tweeted a rant to my 4 followers a few weeks ago about them! Why are the stalls so small? and why for the love of Pete do the doors have to open inward??? If they pulled opened, you can go into the tiny stalls and close door (and pray there’s a hook to hang purse on). Yet when they open in, you have to try to squeeze in without backing into the toilet! Eww!! I hate when my legs accidentally hit it.
    Also on the paper, yes it’s cheap and I always pull some off first and then use after that (cleaner to me). But I keep tissues in my purse in case there is no paper or if the roll is loose and people have been picking it up with their dirty hands. Yes, I am a germaphobe!

    I never sit for #1- that’s why I do squats. 🙂 But I cover seat if I have to do 2!

    I hate those automatic flush toilets – they never seem to flush or they do it 15 seconds after you go out and the next person has already gone in. I certainly don’t want to go on someone elses 1, or especially 2.

    Well obviously this is a hot rant topic for me – so I’m glad you ranted as well!!

  9. Ugh, Hate when people try to talk to me and honestly, really can’t stand people talking on the phone while on the toilet. I do NOT want to hear someone peeing when I’m talking to them or hear others peeing or flushing. And is it really so freaking hard to hit the damn center of the toilet? If you can’t then please wipe down the seat. I mean, do they leave pee on seats at home? Maybe….

  10. That is actually the first savory cookie I have ever seen or heard of. Brilliant!

    And NO please do not talk on the cell phones. I agree. I feel violated. Like the person is inviting their friend to listen to ME tinkle (or worse) too.
    I bet you have seen your fair share of funny passive agressive notes, too.

    Have you ever seen this sign in a public restroom?
    If you sprinkle
    When you tinkle,
    Be a sweetie,
    Wipe the seatie

  11. Not gonna lie. I HATE public restrooms. A lot.
    Unless I’m going to poop myself, I try really hard to hold it until we get home.
    We usually drive from Pittsburgh to Hilton Head every year (about 11.5 hours), and I rarely, if ever, stop to use the bathroom. Let’s be honest, rest stops in West Virginia are scary, scary places. And, since you spend about 6 or 7 of those 11 hours driving through that state, what’s another 4?

  12. ” However, there are chatterboxes who share the sounds of straining with their friends. And I am not their friend.” I died when I read this. Well, I didn’t actually “die” but you get my drift.

    I worked for a disgusting sloth a while back who was so…weight challenged that he’d sit down on the toilet and lose “everything else” so to speak. Not to give you too much info but he’d lose track of where he was on the toilet, get caught up in a conversation (yep, on his cell phone, on the toilet, and when questioned {by me} as to why he talked on the phone in the bathroom because people probably found that gross on the other end of the phone call – his exact words were “I cover the speaker when anything hits the bowl” – which is exactly the day I realized I didn’t need to be working there anymore) and straight up pee right on the floor in front of the bowl. I guess it shot straight out or something…anyways – after dutifully cleaning up my 87th puddle of piss from a grown man I snapped and when it happened again I marched upstairs – into his meeting – and told him to get downstairs and clean up his OWN PUDDLE OF PEE! Forty is old enough to no longer pee on the floor…at least I think anyways.

  13. hahahaha i’m mad you put such delicious cookies with a post about toilets

    anyways i HATE old people in bathrooms. is that rude? it’s fine if it is. because they’re always making like grunting and stressful noises and like i don’t need to hear the sound of their relief or struggle when i’m trying to get mine on. ya feel me?

  14. OK, this is a true story. Last year, I was en route to Austin, TX and expecting a really important call from a big customer (think equivalent of a huge book deal or movie startdom gig)….they’re boarding the tiny plane, so I decide a quick visit to the lav is in order.

    Well murphy’s law, the call comes in while I’m upon the throne. It’s pretty quiet, even the guy who’s in the next stall, so I decide I have to take this call……bad move.

    We’re about 30 seconds into the call and I think I’m going to get away with not having to explain where I am or why I’m on the crapper, when bozo next door let’s rip – grunts, farts and splashes so loud that you just don’t want to imagine…..

    At first I’m speaking louder to try and cover up the sounds, but I know he’d have heard. Now all I can think about is whether to tell my customer what was going on. I ask if I can call him right back, thankfully yes. Moment I’m back in the boarding area I decided to tell him this whole story…..he laughed so loud & even though we’d never met before, we got the business.

    BTW, men are absolutely the worst when traveling, really disgusting actually….the out of breath grunts….ugh 😦 – I just had a thought, my wife wears ear plugs on the plane, I think I need to use them in an airport loo.

  15. On an indian princesses (thing with the Y when I was younger) trip, we stopped at a public rest-stop, when I proceeded to walk into the MEN’S room, with one of the dad’s in it. whoops, AWKWARD!!

  16. I had to pee real bad at Whole Foods and a kid and mom were taking forever in the larger/handicapped stall. So I went in the one that had clogged toilet paper and just peed on top of it. Then a woman saw me exit and was shocked and started complaining. I swore to her I didn’t clog it up but she didn’t believe me. Later in the store she saw me and shook her head at me.

    A few days later I’m on a plane and the same thing happened when a kid left the bathroom but I didn’t blame her, although it likely was her who threw in gobs of paper towel into the toilet. Why do people do that? On the airline, I get it, but in the regular bathrooms? How do they get the paper towel in there? There was plenty of TP too.

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