Why I’m having a recipe and a “toilet talk” in a post is beyond me. I apologize in advance if this post makes you uncomfortable in any way. Please send all hate mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Anyhow, I’ve realized I’m a bit of a “public toilet”connoisseur. I blame the fact that my bladder is the size of an altoid. I’ve been to public toilets everywhere. In malls, airports, gas stations, libraries, different countries where the toilet is a hole in the ground, even in Dracula’s Castle in Romania.
I know my public toilets.
So I thought I’d do that thing us bloggers love to do and list some of my little “unwritten rules” about these toilets:
1) The Handicapped Stall:I think it’s a law in the US that every toilet have a designated handicapped stall. This is a fine idea because I met a girl when I was traveling abroad in a country that this wasn’t a law and it was awful for her to have to hold it in until she got home. But, there is another use for these stalls. It’s for going number two. I mean, dude, I think THAT might be what those handlebars are for. And there is usually a baby changing station so you can bring that thing down and put a laptop and watch a movie on it. Its nice a roomy….Granted, you CANNOT use that stall if someone seriously handicapped is there. If that’s the case you better hold it in until they leave so you dont make them choke on the smell of your digested brussels sprouts!
Chatterboxes: I have nothing against texting or using mobile web on the toilet. I mean, who has magazines these days??? However, there are chatterboxes who share the sounds of straining with their friends. And I am not their friend.
Toilet Paper: Ahh yes, I’m so picky about my toilet paper. I like mine soft, but not too soft where it resembles satin. I like it on the thicker side and I like there there to be lot of it. But most public restrooms have a hybrid pine cones, sandpaper, ass hairs and rough sponges. This is awful because you find yourself buying new underwear because of all the paper cuts on your ass! I do have a roll of toilet paper in my car that I sometime bust out. You know, for butt-cut prevention and impromptu teepeeing.
And of course, I guess anything is better than this…..
Kids: Nothing pisses me off more than kids that aren’t trained to act like humans yet. They look or even climb under or over a stall at you and scare the shit (pun very much intended) out of you! And their mom’s will be all, “Oh, my son/daughter is just curious! ahahaha!”.
No lady, your kid is perverted. I remedy this by putting my foot in their face to push them out.
You wonder why I dont think I should have children…..
Any pulic toilet adventures you would like to share?
So here I leave you with a very successful experiment I did when I had a lot of leftover feta and olives.
1/2 cup black olives, coarsely chopped
1/4 cup sugar
2 tablespoons grated lemon zest
Pinch of kosher salt
1 cup feta cheese
3. Pinch off 1 rounded tablespoon (about 1 ounce) of dough and roll it into a ball. Place it on a greased cookie sheet.
4. Bake until the cookies are edged with brown and pebbled on top, 10 to 12 minutes. Slide the parchment onto a wire cooling rack. Repeat with the remaining dough.