How To Bitch Without Being Bitchslapped

It takes someone with true talent to bitch and complain without sounding obnoxious.

And believe me, I don’t think I possess that talent.

But let’s be real. We all can get sad, and maybe even depressed. Does that give us a licence to moan on facebook/twitter/blog?

Well, let’s see…. I guarantee a drop in followers, some unfriending, and maybe fewer hits. Not that this a bad thing, I sometimes get creeped out by having people “follow me”.

But there are some instances where the complaint is actually conveyed in an entertaining manner.

How does one complain without sounding making me want to punch my computer screen?

I’ll tell you how:

There is a Difference Between Being “Personal” and Complaining

Think of someone in your real life that does nothing but whine, bitch, or otherwise drag everybody down and make everyone in the entire zip code feel like committing suicide or gnawing their way through the wall just to escape.

It’s bad, right? Well, that suckyness is magnified times a hundred on a blog or on facebook/twitter.

Its one thing to be honest and “personal” by telling people whats going on in your life. It’s another thing to complain about your life.

Hey, Wait a Minute… Aren’t You Complaining RIGHT NOW Ms. Hypocrite Blogger Poopy Pants!?

Why yes! I AM a poopy pants hypocrite blogger. But bloggers can get away with it as long as they make a lesson out of it and entertain you. Like when Margret Cho complains about being Asian. Its funny and entertaining as hell. When she complains about being asked by non-Asians why she can’t put on nail polish properly, I don’t give her a hard time.

When I write a post where I whine about something, I do try to make it valuable in some way by attaching a lesson or something to it. Like when my dad got dianosed with a death sentence-esque cancer, I tried to make the post high light the fact that we need to live each moment as if it is our last.

Every once in a blue moon I may feel so frustrated about something that I will blast an invective on Twitter just to vent. But I regret it every time I do, because nobody wants to read that shit. Like that one time I tweeted:

“Not to be TMI but I hate it when you think your period is over and then the next day your ovaries are all “LOL JUST KIDDING BITCH”

It doesn’t make anyone feel closer to me or like me more . Having those few others that retweeted that tweet that have a similar complaint is not solidarity.

Very Few Care

Shit happens. A LOT of shit happened to me this year with my dad’s brain cancer diagnosis. And yes, although I do have a great group of friends that do care, the truth of the matter is, I’m sure most people thought,

 “Oh, that sucks for her, glad it’s not me…”

and then they moved on, took pictures of their pets, took a Zumba class or whatever. It’s not that they aren’t sympathetic, but giving you sympathy is not why they’re visiting your blog. Here is a bitter pill for you to swallow:  most readers read your blog to fulfill their needs. As I mentioned, there are those few that read your blog because they ARE your true friends and they want to see what your up to. The rest want recipes, thoughtful insights, laughs, food porn, or just regular porn….

I guess I better show a picture of someone’s tits the next time I complain. Not mine though. Trust me, there ain’t much to show….

And you might puke.

So, when do you find it annoying on social media? Is there a fine line? Or do you pretty much just want to bitch slap ANYBODY who complains? Its ok, you can bitch slap me too.

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19 thoughts on “How To Bitch Without Being Bitchslapped

  1. Poopy pants. Love those two words together- always have. That porn pic is hawt. Super hawt.

    You are sooo right about most people visiting blogs for their needs and not yours.

    I think that you should be able to complain as much as you’d like on FB/Twitter/Blog as long as you know the consequences. The unfollows, the decrease in hits etc. Perhaps people are just ‘blogging for themselves’ and want to let off steam- that’s fine. But I think that people come to expect a certain person when they visit a blog. And if it changes in any way, it throws people and they run away.

    As for FB/twitter, it depends on my mood as to whether or not it bugs me, and what the complaint is. If it’s stupid or they come off as spoiled or bitchy, I unfollow.

  2. I think I am on the “rare” side where I do usually want to know what’s going on when people have a bad day- even if it is complaining. But there is a line- if people complain every day, every other day, or even more than once a week, I won’t read them anymore. Complaining is one thing, but a person who can complain and then show they were able to pick themselves up and move on from whatever was making them complain is another.

  3. I’m kind of the opposite (all part of my “sunny” disposition and all)–I don’t really mind when people complain–It’s the perpetually shiny, happy nothing-bad-ever-happens-to-me-my-life-is-perfect people that make me want to hurl. Plus, I do a lot of griping & complaining as it is anyway. I’ve unfollowed people for being chipper to the point they’re annoying, but I don’t think I’ve ever unfollowed anyone for bitching too much!

  4. That’s so true about why people read blogs. There are the blogs I read because I am looking for recipe inspiration, a laugh, or some good photography, and then there are the blogs I read because I really care about that person and want to know what’s up with them (for the record, you fall under both).

    As for complaining, I think it is normal to some extent. A healthy life isn’t always sunshine and roses (sometimes I read blogs that are always sunny and think, who are they kidding?), but they aren’t always doom and gloom either. If someones going to complain occassionally, I like to see it balanced out with some more positive posts. Just like life outside of the blog world I guess. It’s not good to just stew in the negative!

  5. I think blogs that try to sell something to you would drive me CRAZYYYY. I know you’ve said that before, but I totally have to agree!!

    Ohhhh, social media. My goodness some people 😉

  6. I have often thought of starting a separate blog where I can kvetch. I don’t mind it when people have a genuine complaint, and like you, have some perspective to go with it. I’ve unfollowed people who are 1) just bitching All The Time, especially the ones who bitch and then add an “LOL” or an “UGH” to the end. no. just… no. 2) are too upbeat all the time – unreal. as in fake.

    I think it’s the tone of commiserating that I can appreciate, on the little things where humor can be found. for the big stuff, everyone has it, if you want to talk about it I might join in. and commiserate. there. Full Circle. 🙂

    love the pole dancer.

  7. I don’t see too many self pity parties on blogs, but Facebook/twitter is a whole ‘nother story!
    I haaaaaaaaaaaate the people who constantly post that “my friends must not care about me…YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE”, or the ever popular ‘soooooo broke.’ ‘no money’ ones, then two days later are out at the club or getting their nails did.
    I don’t mind people saying that they are having a bad day, or things are tough right now, etc. but it’s really all in how you say. Posting evasive, passive aggressive, etc comments so that everyone feels bad for you, and leave you messages saying “not true! I love you”, “don’t worry about so and so…you are the best mommy ever!” annoy the ever loving shit out of me.

    Yet, I’m the true idiot because I don’t unfriend/unfollow them.

  8. I get confused when people complain on facebook or twitter about situations that could be made better if they were not twatting or fbooking aout them. Like
    “OMG 20 minutes late and cannot find the exam room. FML”
    PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN AND FOCUS
    or
    “So tired right now!! Time to get off the couch and go to bed.”
    YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE TWO MINUTES AGO IF NOT FOR THAT.
    Heehee — they make me giggle though.
    I don’t really like the term FML.
    That’s my one complaint.
    I am happy I can bitch about it here.

  9. I bitch too. I don’t know if you remember…but just a few weeks ago I was complaining day in day out about the effing AT&T. I could still complain about it now (the internet SUCKS!!!!) but I don’t anymore because dear Lord, I got sick of ME complaining about it. And also, the last post I did raging about its horrible service, my dad called 3 times and told me to remove it. :-p

    My pet peeve: People who comment about the lack of comments, or hits, or views, or fans of their blog. Really annoying!

    I like people who keep it real, but I also don’t like people who are negative all the damn time. They can keep it real and be a debbie downer, but I just won’t bother with people like that.

  10. You made me actually laugh with the part about thinking your period was over…
    I do get annoyed by blogs that complain about things that don’t really matter (at least that I don’t think do) like Nordstrom’s being out of a size 0 (wah) or breaking a nail. I try to keep my blog upbeat so that when I do have something to complain about, people know it’s serious, I guess. Everyone’s got stuff that bugs them though, as long as you can be entertaining, I see no reason to complain a little.

  11. You make me laugh when you refer to other bloggers lol (…take a Zumba class)

    I actually have a friend from high school on my Facebook that all she does, every day 5X a day is complain about how she sucks I mean her life sucks blah blah blah. My other friend P also noticed this so instead of de friending her we decided to keep score and make a drinking game out of it. Whine = Sip. So we have a little tally going (clearly unbeknownst to her).
    Wow, writing that made us look like a bunch of inconsiderate DB’s. Whoops.

  12. I find blogging is a fine line in many things not just with complaining…but if people complain too much I can see how that gets annoying, etc. I remember looking back at some of my very old posts and I complained a lot about getting horrible sleep. Me presently could not believe how I mentioned it in every post…I would hate me. haha So lesson learned, but it is nice to see other bloggers struggle with things, but there is a fine line. But it is hard to draw the line too.

  13. I only want to slap the people who are all … “my life sucks so much because I have no life, no money, no friends, no fun, no boobs, and I eat 10,000 calories a day and don’t deserve happiness because of it, and everyone else is better off than me, so pity me, and feel sorry for me, and give me advice day after day that I will never take.”

    That kind of posts annoys me.

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