People are programmed to compare.
well...maybe this comparison is fair.....
We go to several stores to compare prices on the exact same item.
Or we will spend several hours at bakery comparing identical cookies, debating which one would be less noticeable on our hips. Then we compare our hips with that emaciated girl on the treadmill which is a totally unfair comparison since she has no hips.
And my personal favorite, we compare our exes.
Well, Joe was so good-looking but kind of an ass hole cause he was trying to make up for the fact his penis was comparable to a pixie stick….And Alan was nerdy but never disappointed. I just pretended he was a “cool” nerdy guy like the dude from Spiderman when I was in bed with him. Or I just wouldn’t look at him…
(Wow, I just wrote penis on my blog. I’m sorry, Foodbuzz. And family members, and all those who respect me.)
Anyhow, we compare all the time. And most of us like to compare ourselves the most. However, I think this is a vicious habit we need to learn to break.
Comparing yourself is a guarantee you will feel like shit. And there are many reasons why i
- Usually, the comparison is unfair. You can’t compare dolphins to porcupines. Or unicorns to ponies (ok, maybe that you can and ponies are way better). Anyhow, as a result, you’ll always come off bad if you look at someone’s strengths (including what they have, like fancy houses, fancy cameras, cars, abs of steel, a pointy stick on top of their head) and your weaknesses (and your muffin top or the fact that you are a mini horse).
- Even if you compare strength to strength, there will always be those who are better, and those who are worse. Joan Rivers will always be funnier than me and Kim Kardashian will always be dumber than me.
- You end up resenting others for doing well, without really knowing the true person. I make fun of bloggers so often that I’m sure people think I just hate bloggers. Not true in the least, and yes, I am a little jealous they get so many blog related job offers and fans, but I’m sure most of them are nice people. Don’t hate on anybody just because they are successful. I hate Kim Kardashian cause shes a brat, not because she’s “successful”.
Ok, enough complaining on how we compare so much and how bad it is. Lets get to the bottom line. How do we stop comparing?
- Acknowledge The Comparison: and move on. Be aware you are doing it is a great step since most of the time people have no idea they are doing it. Then, try to pause, cease the comparison, and move on.
“Yea, here I am, comparing myself to this other seemingly richer/skinner/prettier girl….but I bet her shit really stinks….oh well…oh look, a bird…”
just move on.
- Notice What YOU Are Good At: Yea, so now you are aware you are comparing yourself. Now try to count your blessings and your strong qualities. My inner dialogue can sound like this,
“So she’s skinner/prettier/smarter etc…but can she make chocolate doughnuts? Does she even have the pleasure of eating such beauties? I think not. And she probably doesn’t even know how to fart and what a pain that much be. And that sucks for her. Go me!”
- What You Have Is Good Enough: If you always want what others have, you will never have enough. No matter how many pounds you lose/gain, no matter how many things you own, no matter how big your boobs/”member” is … you’ll never have enough. Lear to realize that what you have is already enough. Focus on you, not comparing yourself to others. If you have some sort of roof over your head, food on the table (even if its non organic and totally artificial), and people who love you, you are lucky.
I'm SO lucky!
And let’s be real, if you are reading this post, you for sure have more than enough. So I’m curious, who do YOU find yourself comparing to? Coworkers? Siblings? Other bloggers? Celebrities?
Eden's Eats 
Hahaha love the Donatella/muppet comparison 😀
I compare myself to other dancers… trying not to.
Such a great post and I agree with every word. Especially when knowing what you have is enough.
The people I compare myself to the most are the other students in my major/field of interest. I always wonder if I’m doing enough or if I’m smart enough when I look at them. Other than that, I don’t compare myself too much, but I AM hard on myself. So maybe that means I’m comparing myself to some internal ideal standard of…me? Wow, existential for a Sunday morning!
I compare myself to others constantly — not so much celebrities, but moreso real people I know. Somehow I tell myself that comparing myself to celebs is dumb since I don’t know them and their bodies are always photoshopped — but that comparing myself to people I know is ok. It makes no sense and yet I continue to do it.
Pingback: Acknowlege it and then let it go « see girl smile
Wow, very true. I know I compare – mainly to people that I should not even give a flip about. But it is my own insecurity (and sometimes jealousy). I do acknowledge it but it is hard to stop especiallyn when that other “nemesis” gets the things youv’e wanted (new house, new car, etc.). It’s then that I have to refocus on all that I do have, God first and then family, job, health, etc. Yes, I may not have those material things, but perhaps the Lord knows if I did, I would become a creepy haughty person who acted like them! And yes, I compare my body constantly – mainly to the Jackie Warner’s of the world. But once again, I have to stop and think “OK, this is her job, she has to look like that (along with all the other trainers, actresses, etc) and she has hours daily to work on her body. Not to mention genetics is a HUGE factor”. I work alot and don’t have the time to do all those things. So even though I ‘know the things” to tell myself, it doesn’t seem to stop me from the comparison.
Great post as usual Eden – and I love the muppet comparison! Too cute!
And I have found myself, since reading blogs, comparing myself with them so I had to quit reading some of them for that reason.
Exactly why I decided to write his post! I noticed I kept hearing sad bloggers comparing themselves to OTHER bloggers! That jus shakes me the wrong way. Once again, its un unfair comparison because we really dont know whats really going on with them. And Jackie is an unfair playing field too….
hmmm let’s see last night i was comparing my dance moves to 16 year olds. clearly they are better at ‘dougieing’ then me and CLEARLY i am better at the ‘step and clap’ then them
can you teach me how to dougie?
So true!!
I compare myself to other bloggers – but then realize that I like my style!!
I also compare myself to people who are fit.. because I wonder why I can’t get my lazy butt going! PS. I’ve been getting going the last few days!
lazy doesnt make you unfit. The laziest people I know are fairly fit.
I compare myself to other bloggers especially all the time–I do admit getting jealous of other people’s successes or freebies, or seemingly disposable income. I have to remind myself that often times what is on someone’s blog is only what they want the rest of the world to see. It’s not always representative of real life.
Little lump in the throat on the last photo. Thank you. I’m lucky too in so so many ways.
I’m glad you wrote this post- it addresses such a common problem. I do it. I still do it. I will always do it. I find that when I do it more, the more unhappy I am with myself at that moment. As I feel better about me/things, I don’t compare or feel as bad. But you’re right in your advice. Oh look there’s a bird!
and it really ISN’T a fair playing feild for you since you live in So. Cal where everyone is tan (although they will get a beating for that later) and skinny. Better off comparing cats…
Oh in that case…cats…no contest. I win. My cats are the best on the planet. Except for that little one that eats everyones’ clothes.
I compare myself to musicians constantly. I guess it’s not totally unhealthy, since it usually motivates me to try to make my own music better, but in the past I’ve found myself writing songs that are way too influenced by other artists. I now try to avoid that, learned from my mistakes, etc.
P.S. No need to be jealous of other blogger’s fans. The fact that you don’t use the word “amazeballs” automatically made me a fan. You’re an inspiration in that respect.
I struggle with this a lot. I compare myself to others all the time. I am a perfectionist and an over-acheiver so it’s gotten to be second nature to me. I’ve been working on being happy with myself but it’s not always easy!
I totally compare myself with other bloggers. It’s a curse!
I’m curious, what sorts of aspects of bloggers do you compare yourself too? their photos? posts? comments? looks? I find that I dont really do that all that often since I feel I’m such a black sheep blogger. No one is even remotely like me to even consider a comparison.
Usually how they manage writing a blog, work, cleaning, working out and cooking! It’s difficult for me to juggle these things. I feel like I can’t keep up. I would like a maid and a personal assistant. Or the motivation to do these things myself…ha.
I feel like a black sheep too.
Oh, I’m sure they cant really do it all without help! There needs to be a teeny disclaimer: (this blogger has a housekeeper, a personal assitant, trainer, nanny, manny (yes, she needs both), a photographer, chef, and “hubs” to make this all possible).
Even though I often rant about how I’m above comparing…I do compare myself to other blogs.
Usually just to remind myself how much more awesome mine is than theirs.
But would I love to get paid a whole lot more just to blog? Hell yes I would. So there’s jealousy, obviously.
And I’m still better.
[I kid. I kid.]
who wouldn’t want to get paid to write about oatmeal all day?! Jealousy, yes. But realize that you ARE awesomer (is that word?) and that no one wants you to be anybody but you. Cause if you wrote like some of the paid blogs, I’d kinda stop reading.
This post really hit home. I find that I compare myself to others often but it never really gets me anywhere. I especially agree with what you said about never having enough. It’s important to remember to appreciate what you have instead of always setting your sights elsewhere. If you do that, you’ll miss the present and where’s the fun in that?!
I compare myself to “healthier” people a lot (meaning normal, non plagued by extreme issues people)– I fall a little short of that category, myself.
My eating disorder has and continues to prevent me from living to my full potential spiritually, financially, emotionally…etc.
I think this is healthy to a certain extent because I use it as motivation but it DOES get me down. I REALLY appreciate the tips you give –especially the acknowledge and move on.
Because I got to start where I am at and start loving myself now….not the 33 year old version of me I could have been if only.
I compare myself to others, even just on the street, but I KNOW I shouldn’t. I am working on it, but it’s hard to stop playing the comparison game, especially when we all naturally seem to!!
I have been really struggling with comparing lately, so thanks for this post. It’s a great reminder at a great time.
comparing yourself to others is rather draining. The grass is always greener on the other side and yada yada yada. Rather, admire one another gifts/beauty and embrace your own uniqueness. AMen?!! Easier said that done, but no one said it was easy anyway.
I miss you! Hope you dad is doing well. Keep us posted, k?
Love the comments. I can’t help laughing!
Being BRAND new to blogging and having admired some blogs for a long time, I find myself comparing myself with other bloggers. I sometimes forget how new my blog is and wish more people read or commented on my blog instead of appreciating how much I really enjoy blogging in the first place!
You should stay tuned. My next blog post is all about being a newbie blogger.
I compare myself to people WAY too often–in my job, at the gym, random people, comparing skills/looks/etc. I constantly have to remind myself how great my life really is and stop the comparison trap, but it is so hard. Grr. Grass is always greener, I figure.
If thats the case, my grass is yellow. Because no one has a reason to compare themselves to me. I’m so average. That, or someone peed on my lawn…
And it’s comments like that that make me love your blog!
Ugh- I compare myself to people who are around the same age as me but have the career they want already, who went for their dream and got it. I need to get off my bum and go for it myself… shame…
You wrote two great blogs this weekend. I am sure you helped a lot of people.
just the post I needed to read, comparing is something I struggle with. I feel so much pressure, but I am lucky I have a sister than brings me back to reality and reminds me I am great just as I am 😉
Pingback: If it isn’t posted on the internet, has it really happened? | HANNAHVIOLIN
I am blown away by this post! Why doesn’t someone give you a book deal? No really.. this was amazing and I am so glad I get to call you my friend.
On a less serious note.. the bit about the fact that you are a mini horse made me choke on a grape. Thanks a lot.
I compare myself to myself. I used to compare myself to others and realized that was stupid. Now I compare myself to my past self. If I am trying to lose weight, I will look at photos from when I was the most banging. If I am hung up on something about my professional life, I look back to the times I was sitting in a jail cell and realize how far I have come. I have been in so many places that comparing myself to my past selves is more than enough–no need to compare myself to other people.
LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOU
wow, I teared up reading this comment!
I used to compare myself to others, but then I realized I was nothing like the people I was comparing myself to, and I found peace in that. I stopped comparing myself. The odd time I will compare myself to a really amazing teacher, and become inspired by them, and allow them to push me to become a better teacher and to try new things.
I tend to compare myself (and my blog) with other bloggers. Typically, the fancy, “successful”, paid bloggers. I try to remember that I don’t have the money (or the time) to take part in food photography lessons, nor the funds to purchase a fancy DSLR camera. I’m not trained as a professional chef, nor am I going to be anytime soon. I swear. I laugh. And I’m kind of a nerd. In no way, can I be the fancy, “successful”, paid blogger – unless I am allowed to do it on my own terms…
I think our own terms make us unique and gorgeous… We should run with that.