Rice Krispies Treat Lollipops and Dear Online Dater

It’s that time of week.

That time where I answer to the messages I’ve received on my online dating adventures.

Are you confused about what I’m talking about? Cue the linkage:

Dear Online Dater part 1, part 2, part 3

I took a break from this last week (cue the linkage) to dispense some advice for men. But
I’m back with a fresh batch of messages:


Is the reason you want me to have money because you have no money

Because that makes us yin and yang. I don’t want you to have any money.

-Money Man

Dear Money Man,

No, the reason why I want you to have money is because I’m a Jew and this is what we were bred to want from our partners. You say you don’t want me to have money? I suggest you go out and find a hobo and make out in a cardboard box or whatever.


Seems like we’re a pretty good match, but I wouldn’t trust some website to calculate our compatibility. I’ll be blunt since I don’t want to waste your time or mine, would you be open to dating an Asian American guy?

I could go off on a tirade about how my skin color doesn’t define me as an individual, and how I let my ambition do the talking for me. But I accept the idea that for most women multicultural dating is not their cup of tea.

So let me know what you think, and be honest. You seem like a cool individual and I’d like to get to know you anyway.

Dear Asian Guy,

You want honesty?

I’m a man. Hope that’s your cup of tea. I like “black tea” too, fyi. 😉



You seem totally freaking awesome!!!! I would really love to get to know you and maybe cook together. You seem so multifaceted and talented. I really was so excited to read your profile and i hope to hear from you soon.


Dear OverlyExcitedGuy!!!!,

Hmm…Cut down on the read bull. And why yes, I’m SO talented. Its totally freaking awesome!!!!!!



what’s your cuisine of choice? fingers crossed for italian. how’s your week?

-Italian Foodie

Dear Italian Foodie,

I don’t eat Italians. Looks like your into fingering them. Gross. I suggest Snooki.



And for the only reason Foodbuzz has me as a featured publisher.

for the rice krispy treats you will need:

  • 1/2 cup  miniature candy-coated semi-sweet chocolate pieces
  • 3 tablespoons  butter or margarine (benecol is really good in this!)
  • 1 package  (10 oz., about 40) regular marshmallows
  • or 4 cups  miniature marshmallows
  • 5 cups rice krispy cereal
  • 1 cup multi colored cereal (like fruity pebbles)
  • popsicle sticks

1.Coat 13 x 9 x 2-inch pan with cooking spray.

2.In large saucepan melt butter over low heat. Add marshmallows and stir until completely melted. Remove from heat.
3. Add cereal. Stir until well coated.
4. Using buttered spatula or wax paper evenly press mixture over candy in pan. Cool. Cut with a cookie cutter or bottom of a glas. Stick the popsicle stick onse its been cooled for a while.
Follow step 1 above. In microwave-safe bowl heat butter and marshmallows on HIGH for 3 minutes, stirring after 2 minutes. Stir until smooth. Follow steps 3 and 4 above.

All wrapped up


24 thoughts on “Rice Krispies Treat Lollipops and Dear Online Dater

  1. I’m planning on getting up the nerve/energy to online date again and I really think I need to get a feature like this going. Don’t worry, I’ll credit you. It’ll be inspired-by-Eden.

    Although this post just made me kinda sorta realize why I hate men. All men. Because really…the vast majority of them are like this even if they can get it together enough to pull off a normal message.

  2. Hilarious. And quite frankly unbelievable. Really? The money guy? For realz? Did you say in your profile that you want a guy with fat cash or something? Sigh. And the !!!!overly excited!!!!! guy needs his member cut off now.

  3. Bahaha love this post series. And I gotta say, I’m slightly jealous of your rice crispie treats. Almost makes me want to brave the disgusting weather is Asheville to go get ingredients…almost. 🙂

  4. i don’t even think snookie is really italian swear she’s adopted ha. did you shape those into stars (skills!) or did you have a mold?

  5. I want some. No really, do you have like an ebay, etsy, or whatever the eff people are selling shit on these days?
    Rice Krispies are my favorite and I have actually bought one of those treat sheets and ate it to the face…

  6. I really need to know…do you make fun of EVERY single guy, or are there ones that are actually up to your high standards that actually interests you, and that you reply to/ go on a date with.

    Maybe you already addressed this. If you’re going on dates, you BETTER tell us!

  7. You are ruthless!! I am waaay to nice to guys so I don’t think I would have the guts to tell them off the way you do. The best I can do is just run away the first chance I get!

  8. The one time I tried online dating I titled my profile, “Not 4 Amateurs” and stressed that I was looking for guys who were not still hung up on their mothers. Surprisingly, not so many responses.

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