Foods Worth Forgetting

It was Memorial Day here in the States yesterday. And while most people eat burgers, shop, and think about soldiers, I’m focused on food. What’s new?

So I thought about foods that I DON”T have fond memories of. Its my list of foods worth forgetting:

Ring Pops: Ring pops were a hot commodity on the playground black market. Personally, I never got into them and hence they are making the list. It caused an unnecessary,germy, sticky mess, didn’t particularly taste that good and had limited functionality.

Though, to be fair, they did give a generation of young girls very unrealistic expectations about the size of bling they could be expecting as their engagement ring. Since I never warmed up to ring pops, I’d say my ring expectations are on the low side.

Orbitz: I have a feeling this is what the product development team discussed when creating this drink:

Ok, hear me out: what if we took some 7up, let it go flat, and floated teeny little balls of unidentifiable gelatin goo in them? Dude, it will be like a lava lamp! And dont TELL me you guys never imagined what it would be like to drink a lava lamp! It would be freakin sweet, thats what!

Why is this worth forgetting? For starters, the floaters were frightening and it was rather unpalatable to swallow those teeny orbs. And lava lamps always looked a bit toxic and psychedelic to me. I also think this left consumers confused. What do I do with these floaters???  Eat? Drink? Dispose? Play ping pong?

On the bright side, Orbitz is now a great discount airfare website!
Fruit by the Foot:  My Israeli mother never for a second considered purchasing this for me. For her, it was unacceptable  to have a “fruit snack” in standard-measurement dimensions. And with  natural “found-in-nature”  flavors like “Razzle Blue Blitz” ? Forget it. And I never really wanted it either when my third grade peers begged to trade my hummus and pita with their “fruit tape”. But now that I’m “an adult” I’m actually curious about the idea of lengthy food. Because when I’m eating a delicious muffin or scone, I for sure want to know how it measure up to a yard stick if unraveled.

 

Fruit Strip Gum: The first time I purchased Fruit Stripe gum was when my mom took me to target for the first time. I just had to buy anything that was shiny and colorful.

This gum fit the bill. But then I discovered the secret of this gum. I’m sure this was what went down as the development team contrived this:

Kids aren’t “long-term planners”!  Instant gratification is the key to their allowance money! We need a  fluorescent hued-stick of   gum that offers about two minutes of desirable flavor followed by a persistent output of bland non-flavor for the duration of their chew. This way, they spit it out under a chair or whatever this is the kicker: they chew ANOTHER one only to finish the whole pack in under half an hour! Genius people!  Oh, and it totally needs to come with tattoos.  So they can feel bad ass.

Yea, that’s how it went down.

I’d write more, but I probably forgot about them.

Any forgettable foods from your past?

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33 thoughts on “Foods Worth Forgetting

  1. I hear ya on the ring pops. I hated how my hair would always get stuck to them if I didn’t finish them right away.
    That soda, Surge, is forgettable for me. All three of my brothers loved that crap. Since it wasn’t commonly available, they’d get super excited (hyper) when they found it for sale, and then get off of the walls (because it was a super-high caffeine soda) when they drank it. Causing little sis’ to get extremely annoyed. Stupid soda.

  2. Seriously? Fruit Stripe was sooo good! But what about Juicy Fruit? Do they still make that? I remember the only reason I ever got it is because I wasn’t allowed to have it. It didn’t even taste good lol

  3. OK does it make me ancient that I have no idea what any of those food products were? I think I might have liked the ring bling if it had a cinnamon or chocolate flavor.

    I think that pop rocks were forgettable b/c they didn’t have good flavors (until of course nestle covered them in chocolate, called them tinglerz, made me go out and buy about 64 cases of them (wish I was kidding) because they were discontinuing them.

    Also I never got the ‘blow pop’ think (insert dirty joke here). I either want gum or candy, not both.

    The drinkable lava lamps sound gross!

    • No pop rocks or blow pops!?!? Shocking!

      I had an addiction to blow pops and how about washing those pop rocks down with a clear Pepsi (stomach explosion anyone?).

      • Ooops…my comment was actually trying to show surprise that Deb didn’t like pop rocks or blow pops. Clearly I didn’t succeed (:

        I personally love them….especially the Super Blow Pops!

        Deb, I think we are products of the same generation! (:

  4. Along with ring pops…push pops. Perhaps they were meant to give girls lower expectations about the size of, uh…other phallic-ly shaped items that can rise to the occasion at a moment’s notice. Yeah. Never got into them. And as such…my expectations are probably a bit high. Rightfully so.

  5. That’s too funny on the Fruit Sripe gum cause I felt the same way – the flavor lasts 1 minute then you spit it out and chew another until the whole pack is gone in under 5 minutes!
    Forgettable food for me? Prob those orange/black wrapped candy you’d get at Halloween, peanut butter and dirt flavor I think. I hated those. Also those nasty instant grits packets with “bacon”‘ – I had it at a friends house and spit it out. I’m not sure what those red specks were, but they werent bacon. But they also ate potted meat and Spam, so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised!
    I never liked ring pops either – I much prefered the wax lips! But I hated those dumb candy necklaces, I mean it was so hard to eat the candy. Oh well, I guess now I’ll be wanting Bottlecaps the rest of the day!!

  6. Okay ring pops sucked, but the song in the commercial was wayyy catchy. I still remember it.

    I never bought this, but I think that the pb and jelly in the same jar should have never happened. It came out when I was a kid, and it always freaked me out! That and lunchables. Apparently there was a taco bell version at some point. Lord knows why!

  7. Those candy “dots” that you haveto bite off the paper. They usually came in party gift bags.
    Blech! I always got paper on my tongue.
    However the candy jewelery (necklaces and bracelets) I still think are cool.
    You know what is pretty memorable for me, though? Goober!!!
    Where the jelly and peanut butter are mixed in. I just think it looks cool.

  8. Oh Fun Dip….although, there are some even NASTIER things being made now that I’ve seen kids eating…candy flavored sprays and paints and gels and just wholly unnatural looking foods I cannot even describe, much less explain. [I do see them sold at craft stores mainly…of all places.]

    As for Ring Pops, I will always hold a fond memory for them as I once used one to propose to a dear friend of mine in college during beach week one year. It was a “if we never meet men to marry, let’s just go ahead and pledge to be true to one another” type thing. [I will let you guess as to the state of mind we were in at the time based on the words “beach week.”]

    She has since gotten married.

    I have not.

  9. With ya on the ring pops and orbits…also hated candy necklaces because when you bit them the string got all wet and nasty.

  10. I forgot how easy it was to go through a pack of Fun Stripes. I would bug my mom to buy me a pack and she’d get so pissed that my sister and I would go through it so fast. Did you ever have Big League Chew? You know, the stuff that came in a pouch that was the gum version of tobacco chew? At least the flava lasted a long time…

    Gotta say that I actually liked Fun Dip and I loved buying the candy cigarettes (too bad for the tobacco companies that I never progressed to real cigarettes). Pop rocks, though, were never a favorite of mine. Somehow they seemed kind of disturbing.

    • I liked the stick of the fun dip. How weird is that? I got it once in a party favor bag and gave it the sugar to some kid and just ate the “dip stick”.

  11. I never did try orbitz- I was continually too freaked out by it. I have to admit I LOVED fruit by the foot though- the wrappers had puzzles and pictures, come on!

  12. I can agree with you for the most part, but I flipping love ring pops. I hated that the fruit stripe gum tattoos never worked..

    I would be fine forgetting poptarts with frosting and sprinkles. YUCK. but not the ones that were just plain crust and fruit.

  13. I loved fruit-by-the-foot! I could eat one right now actually…

    I would throw on Lunchables to that list. I begged and pleaded with my mom to buy me them. I look back now and think why the hell did I want to eat soggy ham, cheese the consistency of a sponge, and nasty crackers?? Something must have been wrong with my tastebuds back in the day.

    • i will say this: i have started to use “lunchable” as a common adjective in my everyday vocabulary. As in, “Wow, that sandwich has all the right components. Definitely lunchable”

      or “this tuna salad is so smelly, so not lunchable. People will give me the literal stink eye at work if I bring this!”

  14. HAHA My husband still has a case of Orbitz at home “in case they are worth a million bucks on ebay someday”. If you thought it was gross ten years ago, imagine what it looks like after sitting on a shelf for a decade. Ew.

  15. Forget: circus peanuts-I defy anyone to name a fouler tasting food product.
    Loved: candy ciggarettes (so many things wrong with the very concept, but they were oh so glam), candy necklaces (not tasty you’d have a disgusting, slobbery saliva dampened string upon your neck afterwards, and yet, I dunno, they were fun), and handisnacks (yum sodium and orange fake cheese).

  16. my husband still buys rock candy and poppers. Oh and turkish delight from World Market. I think we live Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe land.

    All I want is a ring pop now!

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