It was Memorial Day here in the States yesterday. And while most people eat burgers, shop, and think about soldiers, I’m focused on food. What’s new?
So I thought about foods that I DON”T have fond memories of. Its my list of foods worth forgetting:
Ring Pops: Ring pops were a hot commodity on the playground black market. Personally, I never got into them and hence they are making the list. It caused an unnecessary,germy, sticky mess, didn’t particularly taste that good and had limited functionality.
Though, to be fair, they did give a generation of young girls very unrealistic expectations about the size of bling they could be expecting as their engagement ring. Since I never warmed up to ring pops, I’d say my ring expectations are on the low side.
Orbitz: I have a feeling this is what the product development team discussed when creating this drink:
Ok, hear me out: what if we took some 7up, let it go flat, and floated teeny little balls of unidentifiable gelatin goo in them? Dude, it will be like a lava lamp! And dont TELL me you guys never imagined what it would be like to drink a lava lamp! It would be freakin sweet, thats what!
Why is this worth forgetting? For starters, the floaters were frightening and it was rather unpalatable to swallow those teeny orbs. And lava lamps always looked a bit toxic and psychedelic to me. I also think this left consumers confused. What do I do with these floaters??? Eat? Drink? Dispose? Play ping pong?
On the bright side, Orbitz is now a great discount airfare website!
Fruit by the Foot: My Israeli mother never for a second considered purchasing this for me. For her, it was unacceptable to have a “fruit snack” in standard-measurement dimensions. And with natural “found-in-nature” flavors like “Razzle Blue Blitz” ? Forget it. And I never really wanted it either when my third grade peers begged to trade my hummus and pita with their “fruit tape”. But now that I’m “an adult” I’m actually curious about the idea of lengthy food. Because when I’m eating a delicious muffin or scone, I for sure want to know how it measure up to a yard stick if unraveled.
Fruit Strip Gum: The first time I purchased Fruit Stripe gum was when my mom took me to target for the first time. I just had to buy anything that was shiny and colorful.
This gum fit the bill. But then I discovered the secret of this gum. I’m sure this was what went down as the development team contrived this:
Kids aren’t “long-term planners”! Instant gratification is the key to their allowance money! We need a fluorescent hued-stick of gum that offers about two minutes of desirable flavor followed by a persistent output of bland non-flavor for the duration of their chew. This way, they spit it out under a chair or whatever this is the kicker: they chew ANOTHER one only to finish the whole pack in under half an hour! Genius people! Oh, and it totally needs to come with tattoos. So they can feel bad ass.
Yea, that’s how it went down.
I’d write more, but I probably forgot about them.
Any forgettable foods from your past?