Lets stir up some controversy!
Here’s what I want to know: is it possible for a woman to be funny? Not “funny” in a cutsey, Paris Hilton ör “Ugly Betty” way, but funny as in laughing until I’m seriously afraid of passing out from lack of air and my bladder surrerenders.
I don’t mean to be sexist but I personally find that extremly funny women are rarer than men. I know that’s a politically incorrect sentiment, but in my experience, it seems so much more common for the best jokes to come from men. Whenever a woman comes onscreen in a comedy show or movie the humor always appears to soften. Maybe this explains why men get hard?
Ironically, my hilarious female friend took me to see “Bridesmaids” earlier this week and I finally got what I was desperately craving for so long. Raunchy, gross-out, genuinely funny comedy with an estrogen infused cast! Sure, there have been other attempts. But never like this.
Why is that women can’t be THAT funny?
Well, here’s my theory.
1) Perspective. When men suffer or do something embarrassing, they try to make people laugh. Women try to make people feel bad for them. When shit happens to men, they see it as an opportunity for a joke. Men don’t ask, “Do I look fat?” in 101 ways all day just so that others will assure them they’re attractive. And if they do, people think its hilarious….
2) Women Can’t Fart or Burp as Loudly as Men: Even the fizziest Dr. Pepper can’t get me to belch like a dude. And even the most beanerrific chili with broccoli and a large artificially sweetened soda can’t get me to fart as loudly as a lad. It’ll smell just as bad. I guarantee that!
3) Women Become “Moms”: Not to say that moms can’t be funny. But once the start having children a lot of women tend to talk about cracked nipples and eco friendly diapers while that men go have a beer and make fart jokes. Mom’s can’t make those gross jokes. To society, thats super creepy. Dads? Well, when dad’s are gross its funny. Sigh…
4) Reversing Genders in juvenile Comedies Doesn’t Work: It’s another example of how “life isn’t fair”. Consider this: What if in “Something About Mary” instead of Ben Stiller getting his member caught in the zipper, it was Cameron Diaz lacerating her labia? Or what if instead fo a horny teenage boy in “American Pie”, it was a teen girl humping a danish? Thats just weird. And gross.
5) Men Are too Busy Staring at Her Boobs to Get the Joke. Thats pretty self explanatory.
Look, this sucks. Sexism isn’t fair. We should get paid more, we should be able to have seven pizzas and manage to lose weight, and we should be able to crack more people up.
Maybe I need to go hump a pastry…
Since I’m pretty much turned off by the idea of a danish at the moment, I give you one of my secret cookie recipes. Well, not much of a secret anymore. Basically, you melt white chocolate and mix it with the cookie dough. Hence I coined it, “White Magic Cookies
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 stick of butter or 1/2 c butter alternative of choice
1 egg1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 cup sugar or sweetener of choice
1/2 cup white chocolate, melted
1/2 cup chocolate chips
- Heat oven to 350. Grease a cookie sheet or line with a silpat.
- In a medium bowl, mix the flour, salt, and baking soda.
- In a separate bowl, mix cream the softened butter and add in the sugar. Then proceed to add the egg, and vanilla on medium speed for 2 minutes.
- Add the wet mixture to the dry and stir until well combined. Once combined, slowly drizzle in melted chocolate while mixing.
- Then, add your chocolate chips but don’t over-mix.
- Drop cookies by large tablespoon fulls onto prepared cookie sheet. Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until edges of cookies are lightly browned.