PMS Brownie and Dear Online Dater Part Trois

I could not let a week go by without a “Dear Online Dater” post.

I just got too many good ones this past week.

For those new readers, I belong to an online dating site half seriously. I think the only reason I keep my account up is that I get the most entertaining messages. So I post and reply to them on the blog every week. I really should just have a whole blog dedicated to these messages!

And I noticed that some commenters on my last round kept telling me to “give these guys a chance”. I’m not trying to be a bitch. Lie. Maybe I am, but trust me, you would reject them too after reading some of their profiles. Trust me, I give chances to those with potential. Plus, as I mentioned in my confessions post, I’m a man anyway so I don’t even think I’m their type.

Without further ado, here are this week’s messages with my response:

You are cute! Where did you pick the word “Namaste” from?

-clueless87

(EDEN’s SIDE NOTE: My username has “namaste” in it. Cause I’m a vegan yogi like that!)

Dear Clueless87,

I’m not a puppy, I’m not cute. And dude, can’t you wikipedia that shit? Why are you asking me?!

-Eden

you seem like a well rounded person. Want to get some sushi this weekend?

-SushiSeeker

Dear SushiSeeker,

My tummy is indeed well rounded. And I would prefer to get sushi on a Tuesday, thankyouverymuch!

-Eden

Evening,

Love that you are into cooking. Well looks like more then just ‘into’ it lol. Anyways would love to chat and get to know you more if your interested as well.

-LolMan

Dear LolMan,

Seriously??? You can’t lol. Its just not done if you’re straight. I know, its so unfair. Girls can sometimes get away with it, but its an unwritten rule that guys can’t. Think of it as payback for you not having a war with your ovaries every month. Anyhow, I think I lost interest because that “lol”made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

-Eden

is all the food you make enlightened?

SeekingNirvanaMan

Dear SeekingNirvanaMan,

Heavens no! Its circumcised!

-Eden

Wow, youre really pretty… And you cook, thats a big plus. haha-HaHaMan

Dear HaHaMan,

No shit, sherlock.

-Eden

Ok, that’s enough for the week.

Feel free to share your replies to any or all of the above.

and for the food portion of today’s program, I have a super chocolatey brownie recipe my boss (the one I work as a private chef for) requested I make. I have no idea where she got the recipe but she handed me a print out and I did what is said. Its SO chocolatey, any person with a vagina will want to marry it.

1Ā  cup oat flour (just grinded up oatmeal)
3-4 tablespoons sugar or stevia powder (if using stevia, depends on the brand, sweeten to taste)
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. baking soda
3/4 cup cocoa powder (I use the Hershey’s Special Dark, thanks Deb!)
2 large eggs
1 tbsp. water
2 tsp. vanilla
3/4 cup smart balance spread or similar non-hydrogenated margarine (I’m kind of in love with the brummel and brown spread)
6 oz dark chocolate (chopped or in chip form)

1.) Pre-heat oven to 350 F.
2.) Place flour, baking powder, baking soda, cocoa, and sugar/stevia into a medium sized mixing bowl. With a fork, sift all ingredients together very well. (For at least 2 minutes) Make sure all ingredients are sifted and blended very well.
3.) In a smaller bowl, melt butter and chocolate in microwave or by other means to a creamy/oily consistancy. Beat in vanilla, water, and eggs well.
4.) Pour butter mixture into flour mixture and stir until completely blended and moistened.
5.) Pour into a 9×9 or similar sized pan and bake for about 5-8 minutes, depending on your oven.Baking times can vary depending on the oven, so keep an eye on ’em because they’re not as good over-cooked.
In fact, you should slightly under-cook them to retain a very moist texture.Ā  To check, put a toothpick in the middle- if the middle is still liquidy, it’s not done. Toothpick will not come out completely clean, but you want to make sure that it’s cooked to a gooey consistency and is not too liquidy.
6.) Remove from oven and cool completely before serving. Makes about 10 serving.

And….if you are interested in the stats, I posted this recipe on my daily plate which you can check out here.

I never said it would be pretty..much like me when I'm PMSing

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26 thoughts on “PMS Brownie and Dear Online Dater Part Trois

  1. Haha.
    For the record, I shouldn’t be laughing since it wasn’t until I started reading blogs that I figured out what namaste meant.
    Have you ever gone on a date with any potential online findings? That should be your next post!/project šŸ™‚

  2. Dear Sushiseeker,
    How can we get sushi if you cannot find any?

    Oh, Eden. I am so happy you are having giggles, doing you, taking lessons from friends, and eating chocolate.
    I realize that you may be losing your work as the family is moving …but it just hit me that might be an additional stress. I hope that you find a new source of income soon and I have faith you will.

    • Thats so sweet of you (and I mean that in the least sarcastic way! I know, very out of character for me). It is additional stress but as Deb reminded me in my previous post, I need to make sure I’m ok first before helping my dad. And of course, faith from you helps.

  3. haha circumcision hee! And I might know a straight man who LOLs. LOLZ. Dear LOL man, I’m so into food that I was once baked into a cake. Chew on that, LOL.

    Another ab-roller worthy post- good thing as I havent’ worked my abs since last saturday.

  4. yay gluten free brownie! šŸ™‚ where were you 5 days ago when i was going crazy and needed this haha?!

  5. LOLMAN and hahaman. Best names. I love them both equally. Unfortunately I have abused LOL. I said it out loud in my class and my students made so much fun of me. I think it was deserved too.

  6. I have to admit- I’m disappointed by the comments you’ve gotten from dudes this week. Your clever responses make up for it by being super funny, but where are the SUPER wierdos at? I want the really creepy ones haha!

  7. While I enjoy reading your responses to these wonderful jackasses, I totally spit out my tea when I read about your brownies. I’m grateful to be the proud owner of a vagina…

  8. Pingback: Spamgasm | Eden's Eats

  9. Hey keep your head up about the online dateing i meet my hubby at match.com we have been married for 8 years and we have that cutesy vommit induceing relationship that you see on the chessy info pages were bestfriends and the day i went to close my account due to all the gross freaks out there i almost didnt bother with my messages i was just shuting down every thing but there he was! and we got the picket fence little dog and a bunch off cute kids! yes i do roll my eyes at my self too! šŸ˜‰ dont give up!!

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