Kiwi Papaya Salsa and Dear Online Dater (Part Deux)

Remember how popular my last attempt at answering my online dating site messages was?

Well, back by popular demand, I’m answering a new batch. Allow me to remind you that these are indeed REAL messages I received. I’m too much of a pussy to actually reply but these replies are how I would like to do so.

Without further ado……

“I’m gonna be forward and blunt, I’m rich, educated, hot, Jewish, and have a big cock 😉 “

Dear Big-Cock,

ZOMG! Me too!!! Twinsies!!!!


“Hi. I hope you don’t mind me contacting you as your profile caught my eye? You seem intelligent and possess well-rounded interests!

Well, a little about myself. I work in pediatrics and enjoy working with children. I enjoy trying different foods at restaurants, being active, and playing tennis.

Also, I love to travel and have been to Europe, Africa, Asia, Cuba, and all over N.America. I have not been to Hawaii and have heard wonderful things!! What has been the highlight of your travels? Hope to hear from you! “

Dear Children’s Doctor,

You sound traveling like a child molester. And yes, you can call me “well rounded” I guess. At least my ass is. I work with kids on a daily basis. This could get me fired if they found out I’m dating a child molester from Africa. No hard feelings. Mkay?


Hi. I am currently trying out the whole online thing which has led me here lol haha. You didn’t say much about yourself lol haha JK you wrote allot geez you must be pretty much a big deal…. but i’m sure there is more about you to be intrigued about than what is on your profile . You seem like a pretty chill girl Anyways I hate being cheesy so I will just say I am new to this site and here is a little about me: I  like having fun and make sure other people are having fun around me. I consider myself to be a dork sometimes because I usually say random things to people just to get a laugh. And there is so much more but I got out of a long term relationship and looking for new people to talk and be friendly with so if you want I would be stoked to hear from you stranger.
hAVE a great day and u should write back :)”

Dear haha guy,

My mom told me not to talk to strangers. haha lol! but I’m being a rebel and writing you back anyway. haha lol!!!!!But seriously, you sound like your 15 haha lol! And I don’t date dorks cause I am one! haha lol, JK. well, only about me being a dork. I’m kind of a big deal. haha lol. laterz!


SIDE NOTE: what is up with the creepy emoticons?

“you might have the most have the most interesting profile on this website. props “

Dear Kiss Ass,

That says a lot about the website. And yea, I know…sigh……


I feel compelled to end my posts with a question because it gets you silent lurkers to actually comment every blue moon, so I’m wondering, how would you answer to one of these messages?

And today in me desserts class, I decided I did not want to deal with hyperactive kids this afternoon so I gave them a simple fruit salsa recipe to make. To recreate it you will need:

  • papaya
  • about 3 small kiwis
  • 1 apple (I would go with a tart one like pink ladies or granny smith)
  • lemon juice
  • Chips (trust me, its so much better with salted chips!)

Simply diced up all the fruit and add the lemon juice to prevent the apples from turning brown. Extra delicious with salted chips! So simple, a six year old can do it.

30 thoughts on “Kiwi Papaya Salsa and Dear Online Dater (Part Deux)

  1. Kiwi is actually the only fruit (at least I can’t think another off the top of my head) that I don’t like and I can’t remember if I’ve ever tasted fresh papaya. So you say that this is extra delicious? haha lol! And LMAO ROFL geez and OMG as an extra bonus! Plus a creepy emoticon ;-P I think I have covered them all!

  2. Seriously, I almost needed to bust out the depends for BOTH the letters to you and the letters back haha ZOMG lols. I wonder if that dude shops at abercrombie haha. I didn’t think it was possible for you to rob the cradle but there you go!

  3. Dear Big Cock-

    It’s too bad my grandfather worked with Hitler. How am I supposed to share these precious family stories with you without you getting uncomfortable?

  4. Just want to let you know I am still reading your blog every morning I read yours first. You make me smile every day. Not only do you have a great Abba you had a special Imma too. Lucky you!

  5. Oh Eden. This is exactly why online dating blows. At least your bad messages are interesting. Mine are usually like. “Hey hot stuff”.

    Nope, that’s it. As if that’s supposed to get my attention. I mean, it does I guess. in that it makes me projectile vomit. Not sure that that was the desired affect though.

  6. Well, considering it’s online “dating,” you can’t expect much. However, there have to be a couple good ones out there. What WOULD you think is a decent reply? Would you give anyone a chance?

  7. I think the guy who gave you props seems promising, but then I don’t get to see his profile.

    Dear Big Cock,
    All that and still an asshole.
    How do you manage?

  8. Hey, I’ve been looking at your blog & really enjoying your humor, writing style, & food oh my gosh your food looks good! Anyway, mad props dog. :)))

  9. I don’t think the second guy sounded too bad…But he might be the type to go on and on about himself and never let you talk.

    And Mr. Big-Cock, definetely seems like a big dick

  10. The Pediatrician sounds really nice! They all do (except mr big cock).They’re all trying to be goofy and nice. question: What would you like to see written in your inbox from a guy?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s