Foods Worth Forgetting

It was Memorial Day here in the States yesterday. And while most people eat burgers, shop, and think about soldiers, I’m focused on food. What’s new?

So I thought about foods that I DON”T have fond memories of. Its my list of foods worth forgetting:

Ring Pops: Ring pops were a hot commodity on the playground black market. Personally, I never got into them and hence they are making the list. It caused an unnecessary,germy, sticky mess, didn’t particularly taste that good and had limited functionality.

Though, to be fair, they did give a generation of young girls very unrealistic expectations about the size of bling they could be expecting as their engagement ring. Since I never warmed up to ring pops, I’d say my ring expectations are on the low side.

Orbitz: I have a feeling this is what the product development team discussed when creating this drink:

Ok, hear me out: what if we took some 7up, let it go flat, and floated teeny little balls of unidentifiable gelatin goo in them? Dude, it will be like a lava lamp! And dont TELL me you guys never imagined what it would be like to drink a lava lamp! It would be freakin sweet, thats what!

Why is this worth forgetting? For starters, the floaters were frightening and it was rather unpalatable to swallow those teeny orbs. And lava lamps always looked a bit toxic and psychedelic to me. I also think this left consumers confused. What do I do with these floaters???  Eat? Drink? Dispose? Play ping pong?

On the bright side, Orbitz is now a great discount airfare website!
Fruit by the Foot:  My Israeli mother never for a second considered purchasing this for me. For her, it was unacceptable  to have a “fruit snack” in standard-measurement dimensions. And with  natural “found-in-nature”  flavors like “Razzle Blue Blitz” ? Forget it. And I never really wanted it either when my third grade peers begged to trade my hummus and pita with their “fruit tape”. But now that I’m “an adult” I’m actually curious about the idea of lengthy food. Because when I’m eating a delicious muffin or scone, I for sure want to know how it measure up to a yard stick if unraveled.

 

Fruit Strip Gum: The first time I purchased Fruit Stripe gum was when my mom took me to target for the first time. I just had to buy anything that was shiny and colorful.

This gum fit the bill. But then I discovered the secret of this gum. I’m sure this was what went down as the development team contrived this:

Kids aren’t “long-term planners”!  Instant gratification is the key to their allowance money! We need a  fluorescent hued-stick of   gum that offers about two minutes of desirable flavor followed by a persistent output of bland non-flavor for the duration of their chew. This way, they spit it out under a chair or whatever this is the kicker: they chew ANOTHER one only to finish the whole pack in under half an hour! Genius people!  Oh, and it totally needs to come with tattoos.  So they can feel bad ass.

Yea, that’s how it went down.

I’d write more, but I probably forgot about them.

Any forgettable foods from your past?

Jicama Slaw and Infrequently Asked Questions

I’ve been doing some housekeeping on the blog lately so soon my recipe tab will be updated (it hasn’t been for like 8 months) and there will be a whole new tab: Infrequently Asked Questions.

You know how bloggers get asked SO many questions that they simply must write up a “Frequently Asked Questions” post? Well, I don’t get asked questions frequently.  Certainly nothing like big bloggers get.

How did you get those abs???

How long have you been vegan/vegetarian/fruitarian/dairy free/gluten free/soy free/carb free/ fat free/paleo/flavor free???

How do you manage to blog, work, marathon race, tend your garden, tend your pony, cook, clean, pleasure your hubs, bring your kiddos to soccer practice, and be skinner than all the other soccer moms there???

Given that I’m very unexciting, I don’t get asked questions very often. Obviously, I don’t blame you. My pony might.

So instead, I give you some “Infrequently Asked Questions”.

There are hundreds of food blogs! Foodbuzz has over a million blogs as featured publishers. Why do you think you are different?

I don’t.

There must be SOMETHING you about you that you think makes you stand out from the crowd!

I think I’m the only featured publisher that has written the word “vagina” and listed a recipe in the same post.

Whats your “fear food”?

Cement

What would you like to see more of in the world?

Cankle tattoos.

What is your favorite workout?

Counting, which I guess you might as well call “lazy calisthenics” .

What is your shoe size?

5 1/2 if I’m in the US, but I grow to a 36 when I go to Europe!

Why doesn’t your blog have a facebook page?

I don’t really know. I’ve just never woken up and said, “You know what? I really think my blog should have a facebook page today.”

Have you got something against Facebook? Are you too good for the rest of us who might want to “Like” you on Facebook?

Not particularly. Why are you so hot for my blog to have a facebook page?

I’ll ask the questions, if you don’t mind.

Sorry.

Why are you apologizing?

Jewish guilt I guess.

Wait, your Jewish? How Jewish are you?

I would be very unsafe in the case of a Nazi invasion but for sure have my way with ham and pork.

How do you get the smell of butt out of a chair?

A “Butt” Plug?

That’s nasty! Do you think your funny or something?

Yes, but I find I think I’m the only one. I sometimes find myself driving, alone, I’ll fart, and all of a sudden burst out in laughter because no one but me has to suffer the smell of my poo particles.

Thats gross. I think you try too be funny and you do it for attention….

Aren’t you supposed to be asking questions?

Bitch

I think we’re done here.

So….do you have any infrequently asked questions you want to answer? or ask? lets make the comment section exciting today.

For our edible portion of the post, we have one of my favorite vegtables. Jicama! I love to use it in slaws instead of cabbage because as wonderful as raw cabbage is, it does borrible things to the whole “Gee, this chair smells like butt!” problem.

• 1 large jicama, peeled, then julienned (thinly sliced) or grated (I used a grater)
• 1  red or or orange  bell pepper, julienned (you can used any color pepper you prefer)
• 3 small Persian cucumbers sliced thin (I actually used  a peeler to get them super thin)
• 1/2 cup shredded carrots
• juice of  one lime
• Pinch of cayenne
• 1 tbs peanut butter (or 2 tbs peanut flour if your afraid of fat for some reason)
• 1/4 cup coconut milk or water (I used coconut milk)
• pinch of sugar, sweetener of choice, or a squeeze of honey

Pretty simple. Just prep all the veggies, whisk the dressing ingredients and pour.

Why I’m Not Reading Your Blog and Pineapple Upside Down Cake Quinoa

Forgive me, but I’m about to sound like a total jackass.

If you are a blogger, you probably want me to read your blog.

I mean, you constantly tweet a link, beg me to “like” it on facebook, and whore it out on every comment you leave on other blogs.

Its not that I think I’m too good to read it, or that I’m some super star blogger that has no time to read some “civilian” blog post.

Well, maybe I am too cool to read your blog...

Mainly I’m just busy at work, hanging out with my dad at the cancer center, or plucking my eyebrow hairs.  But sometimes, there are other reasons and I thought I’d share them with you:

Your blog looks like the 19209852423 other blogs:  WordPress has hundreds of templates from which to choose. Yet most people use the same ones. But more importantly, many people write about what they ate, how they moved, how their life sucks or how their life is wonderful. It’s all fine, but everyone is doing it! I want something different. Maybe start post pictures of food you found in the garbage? Hey, at least its different. And on that note….

Your Blog is All About What You Did: Dude, I don’t care what you did today! I’m thinking one day I’ll write up:

Hey Blog luvies!!!!

My day started with a loooong sesh on the toilet as my hugh jass salad was comin out of my butt hole. LOLZ! Then I hit the gym and did:

23 kegels

15 reps of elbow squats

20 laps around a treadmill

and a lunge!

My legs are SOOOO sore!!!! LOL. My vagina is sore too! Must be all those kegels! Ha! Anywhoooooo…..I’m going out to dinner with my husband so I can eat the garnish off my salad. Yummers! Amazeballs! Toodles!!!!

See what I mean? I’m not interested.

You Whore It Out: I get it, you want readers and there is no better way to get readers than by promotion via twitter, facebook, tmblr, etc. But it can be overkill. “Twitter Litter” as I call it. I sometimes see bloggers tweet their same blog post ten times! Craziness! The more you force feed me, the more I’ll lose my blog reading appetite.

You have too many worshiping, gushy fans: Look, no one is worth idolization. I dont care if you’re Oprah or some hobit who runs marathons. Its perfectly fine to love someone. Hell, I’m in love with many bloggers. But nothing leaves a bad taste in my mouth like reading comments being all gushy and worshipy. Like:

You are SO gorge! Your abs are ripped, girl! How do you do that? I just started this new vegan cookie diet and I’m trying my hand at piloxing (its pilates and boxing! SO FUN!). Do you think that will get me as pretty as you!? Will I get a six pack like you if I do this! I want to be YOU!!!!

You Blog Too Much: I know, this might go against conventional advice that if you are blogging, you should do it consistently, as much as possible. But I have social media ADD. I only follow around 50 people at a time on twitter, and I can only keep up with so many blogs. Blog too often, and I’ll feel like the tortoise, huffing and puffing as I try to catch up. I’m sure those of you who can blog numerous times a day are also putting quality content out there, because I’m guessing its your job. But I’m a grandma in spirit and just cant keep up.

You Sell Out: Have you seen “The Greatest Movie Ever Sold”??? You should. Its about how movies sell out to advertising. And it made me realize that blogs sell out to advertisers. This also holds true when your book gets published or all you want is people to buy from your store or whatever. I get it, the economy is in the toilet and I wish my blog could help my wallet out too. And that’s why I’m not judging those blogs that turn into a giant commercial, I just dont read them.

So, why aren’t you reading certain blogs? I’d ask “Why aren’t you reading mine?” but clearly if you’ve read this far, I’ve already corrupted you.

And for the edible portion of the program, I have a quinoa that leans towards the sweet side. And as delicious as it is, its totally not dessert!

For the  “pineapple upside down cake” quinoa you will need:

• 1 cup quinoa (or less, if I were to do a single serving, I’d do 1/2 cup dry quinoa to 1 cup water)
• 2 cups water
• 1/2 cup pineapple chunks (fresh or canned)
• 3/4 cup coconut milk (or other milk of choice)
• 1 1/2 tbs coconut butter or regular butter (I used regular)
• 1 tbs sugar (or sweetener of choice, you can use more if you like it extra sweet)

Cook the quinoa by rinsing and bringing it to a boil with the water. Turn the heat off, cover and let it sit for 12-15 min. Meanwhile, brown the butter and add the pineapple chunks and sugar and let it get golden brown and caramelize. Add in the cooked quinoa and milk and stir it with medium high heat until the quinoa absorbs the milk.

Split Pea Avocado Dip and Flashback Friday: Sucks To Be Skinny

For this flahsback friday, I decided to really flashback.

Flashback to when my mind and body as malnourished and depleted. I was nowhere near as spunky and snarky as I am today. I was timid and shy; a hollow person.

I often wonder why I was so obsessed with remaining thin. On the surface, I didn’t really care all that much about it. But I did. Deep down, I totally did. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been so obsessed with exercise and eating in very peculiar ways. It wasn’t because I thought being thin would make me prettier (quiet the opposite), but it was just that I had always been the “small one” and I was afraid of change.

But let me tell you, being really skinny totally sucks. Ever since my dad started chemotherapy, he lost about 30 lbs. He’s emaciated, depleted, gaunt, and truly reminding me how happy I am to have an appetite. We watched a weight watcher commercial the other day, and he grunted. Ha, being thin suck.

I hear ya, dad.

If you are one of those freaks of nature that can inhale five apple pies and loose weight then I kinda hate you and I suppose this doesn’t really pertain to you.

Why does it suck?

The Menu is a Snooze fest: hmm….veggies, veggies, some protein, some protein powder, veggies, veggies, gum, veggie, gum….riveting I tell ya.

Your Bra Fits Better Backwards: nothing wrong with natural misquito bites, but when you eat air, expect this.

You Have to Move, A Lot: You have to walk everywhere, or go to a gym, or pace or fidget. And frankly, just writing all those things down is exhausting.

You Can’t Eat All the Food Porn You See Online: Or you can attempt to make gorgeous food for your blog or whatever only to give it all to your spouse, children, dog, pony, local shelter, unicorn or whatever other creatures you’ve got breeding in your backyard.

You Have To Wear Padded Underwear: Because nothing is more uncomfortable than your sit bones digging in to the chair.

You Fall Through Cracks In The Floor: self explanatory.

You Have To Shop At Limited Too: That place still exists, right? I wouldn’t know, I’m not that skinny anymore.

You Can’t Blame Aunt Flow: Well, maybe you can, but no one will believe you.

Ensure Looks Delicious: Although lifesaver, no one should find these delicious.

So lets hear it, why does being thin suck?

11/3 cups dried split peas, rinsed and drained
3/4 tsp  salt
1/2 tsp  pepper
5 cups water, (approx)
1/2 cup  Greek yogurt
1 whole avodacdo

In big saucepan, combine split peas, sal, and pepper. Pour in enough of the water to cover peas by 1 inch (2.5 cm); bring to boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally and adding more water, a little at a time, if it gets too thick before peas are softened, about 1 hour.Let cool. Mash with potato masher or place in a blender with the remaining ingredients.

White Magic Cookies and Why Women Can’t Be “Funny”

Lets stir up some controversy!

Here’s what I want to know: is it possible for a woman to be funny? Not “funny” in a cutsey, Paris Hilton ör “Ugly Betty” way, but funny as in laughing until I’m seriously afraid of passing out from lack of air and my bladder surrerenders.

I don’t mean to be sexist but I personally find that extremly funny women are rarer than men. I know that’s a politically incorrect sentiment, but in my experience, it seems so much more common for the best jokes to come from men. Whenever a woman comes onscreen in a comedy show or movie the humor always appears to soften. Maybe this explains why men get hard?

Ironically, my hilarious female friend took me to see “Bridesmaids” earlier this week and I finally got what I was desperately craving for so long. Raunchy, gross-out, genuinely funny comedy with an estrogen infused cast! Sure, there have been other attempts. But never like this.

Why is that women can’t be THAT funny?

Well, here’s my theory.

1) Perspective. When men suffer or do something embarrassing, they try to make people laugh. Women try to make people feel bad for them.  When shit happens to men, they see it as an opportunity for a joke. Men don’t ask, “Do I look fat?” in 101 ways all day just so that others will assure them they’re attractive. And if they do, people think its hilarious….

2) Women Can’t Fart or Burp as Loudly as Men: Even the fizziest Dr. Pepper can’t get me to belch like a dude. And even the most beanerrific chili with broccoli and a large artificially sweetened soda can’t get me to fart as loudly as a lad.  It’ll smell just as bad. I guarantee that!
3) Women Become “Moms”: Not to say that moms can’t be funny. But once the start having children a lot of women tend to talk about cracked nipples and eco friendly diapers while that men go have a beer and make fart jokes. Mom’s can’t make those gross jokes. To society, thats super creepy. Dads? Well, when dad’s are gross its funny. Sigh…

4) Reversing Genders in juvenile Comedies Doesn’t Work: It’s another example of how “life isn’t fair”. Consider this: What if in “Something About Mary” instead of Ben Stiller getting his member caught in the zipper, it was Cameron Diaz lacerating her labia? Or what if instead fo a horny teenage boy in “American Pie”, it was a teen girl humping a danish? Thats just weird. And gross.
5) Men Are too Busy Staring at Her Boobs to Get the Joke. Thats pretty self explanatory.

Look, this sucks. Sexism isn’t fair. We should get paid more, we should be able to have seven pizzas and manage to lose weight, and we should be able to crack more people up.

Maybe I need to go hump a pastry…

Since I’m pretty much turned off by the idea of a danish at the moment, I give you one of my secret cookie recipes. Well, not much of a secret anymore. Basically, you melt white chocolate and mix it with the cookie dough. Hence I coined it, “White Magic Cookies

1 1/2 cups flour (rice or coconut flour can work too)
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 stick of butter or 1/2 c butter alternative of choice
1 egg1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 cup sugar or sweetener of choice
1/2 cup white chocolate, melted
1/2 cup chocolate chips

Directions:

1. Heat oven to 350. Grease a cookie sheet or line with a silpat.
2. In a medium bowl, mix the flour, salt, and baking soda.
3. In a separate bowl, mix cream the softened butter and add in the sugar. Then proceed to add the egg, and vanilla on medium speed for 2 minutes.
4. Add the wet mixture to the dry and stir until well combined. Once combined, slowly drizzle in melted chocolate while mixing.
5. Then, add your chocolate chips but don’t over-mix. 
6. Drop cookies by large tablespoon fulls onto prepared cookie sheet. Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until edges of cookies are lightly browned.

Wordless Wednesday: This Month Via Instagram

I thought I’d share with you my world through instagram this past month. I’m sure you are all a bit tired of my cynical and sarcastic rambles. So I’m giving you a break today.

Deb's glorious Breakfast table at the crack of dawn

Me, poolside at Palm Springs last weekend

Remember when I was sick after Palm Springs??? Well, I'd like to forget it!

Since Janetha doesn't have a TJ's, I decided to takeover the ones nearby and rename them. At least the can keep the "J" in "TJ's"

I know, this breaks my heart. If I didn't have an animal hating landlord, I would have rescued him.

Chillin with my dad. And yes, my dad is the one wearing Uggs 😉

I discovered this underground pedestrian tunnel right by my apartment! Its goes underneath a major street. How beautifully convientent!

My dad got this on friday! He's done with his radiation treatments! We don't know if they affect tumor growth but at least he doesnt have to get a "tumor"tan everyday!

I'm in love with this label app. Clearly, I know how to label things....yea, I'm that cool

Don’t worry, I’ll corrupt your brains tomorrow with more words.

If you would excuse me, this cool girl has a dog to rescue….

In Defense of Calories

There are things in life that are straight up bad.

Parking tickets, cancer, car accidents, athletes foot, pests, the stink eye from the girlfriend of the guy you have a crush on…

All things we want to minimize.

But believe it or not, most people will add “calories” to that list.

Yep, many people think calories are just plain awful. They will make it a hobby to find the lowest calorie anything. They will engage in crazy amounts of physical activity to burn all those pesky calories away. They will spend countless hours researching resturants with the best lowest calorie options only to really graze at the garnish. If you think this sounds exhausting, your right!

I should know; I was one of them.

I don’t know when I got the memo, but it got to a point where I turned it around. I thought to myself, “wait, calories are good….hold the phone…they are delicious!”. I still “cared” about the calories I consumed, but no longer tried to eat the lowest amount possible. We need calories. Without them is like taking our ability to breathe or our ability to blink (I have to now link back to Janetha because she invented breathing and blinking and I wouldn’t want to be arrested from the blog copyright police).

I was in a gelato shop a little while ago. I had a few options. Sorbetto (which is a lower calorie option) and all these other delcious, creamy, gelatos. No doubt the old me would have take the sorbetto. Confident it was the “lowest calorie”option. And at the time I was all, “calories? who needs them!”. But dude, when a gelato shop has fucking nutella hazelnut crunch chocolate gelato????? Look, no fruity sorbetto will stand a chance. And you know what, I realized that I let my true taste be my guide. And that I’m confident the calorie won’t kill me. Hey they might do me some good.

So as I close, I thought I’d list all the wonderful things calories has given me:

• shiny, thick, strong hair

Calories: The Best Stylist/Shampoo/Conditioner

• strong muscles

well, my muscle is kinda show...right? aw well, I tried.

• a beating heart
•  functioning ovaries (I curse this every month, but yea, I’m thankful they work)

• a sex drive (this doesn’t come in handy when getting the stink eye from girlfriends of cute guys I eye-fuck)
• energy to type this post
• energy to move
• the ability to think clearly and be more creative
• my humor (yes, believe it or not, I think when I was deficient of calorie, I was very unfunny. Very pathetic and stoic, like a mannequin)
• Delicious opportunities

Like chocolate chip banana cookies

What is your defense for calories? Do you try to mimize them? What good have they done for you?

Spamgasm

Some days, I have nothing insightful to write.

No clever quips about how to be a super star health blogger.

No sarcastic takes on copyrighting recipes.

No cynical responses to online daters.

None of that.

All I have are some spam comments I’ve received lately in my spam box. I’d like to share them since they never appear in the comment section of the original post. Plus, I think “Mr. “Win an ipad” needs to have his voice heard. I also took the liberty to reply to them. You know, cause I really care about my spammers.

Post Commented On:  Step by Step to Being a Bloggin Superstar and Lou Lou’s Tortellini

Comment Author: christian louboutin shoes

Comment: Though I don\’t agree with you in details, your post is insightful!

Eden’s Response:

Dude, you wanna give me a free pair of heels or what?

Post Commented On:Balsamic Reduction Lamb and New Careers To Consider

Comment Author: how to get the free ipad 2

Comment: GREAT REVIEW! I agree with all your thoughts you said in your article, especially at the middle of your article. Thank you, your post is very valuable as always. Keep up the good work! You’ve got +1 more reader of your great blog:) Isabella S

Eden’s Response:

Isabella,

GREAT COMMENT! I agree with all your insights you stated in your commentary, especially that bit three-quarters of the way through! Thanks so much, your comment is very valuable, as usual! Keep up the fantastic work! (que the creepy emoticon) %)

Post Commented On: The “Share Your Story” Tab

Comment Author: Paul Rally

Comment: I was looking for this kind of review for about 1 hour.. i’m glad i found it. Great piece of work, continue it. Best Regards.

Eden’s Response:

A whole hour?! I’m not worth that kind of time. No blog is. But I assure you, I AM a piece of work.

Post Commented On: Hourly Breakdown of my Single Life

Comment Author: MaleEnhancerTXR

Comment: I know how hard such troubles are. But this device can enlarge your penis by up to 30%!

Eden’s Response:

No thanks, any bigger and my penis my not fit in my underwear.

Any Spamcapades you would like to share?

Reinventing The Water: When Bloggers Want a Patent for Their Recipe

Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Eden’s Eats

I, Eden, am the original inventor of water.

That’s right.

Every time you other bloggers/readers mention, tweet, or use water, you must link back to me and praise me for my genius contribution to society.

He better give me credit for that water

Lets put my sarcasm aside for a moment. How much does the above statement bug you? It sure bugs me when I read blogger proclaim they are the esteemed inventors of a grilled chicken salad or some miracle chia seed creation.

Its one thing to invent some drug or facebook. But recipes? Food combos? I’m not so sure.

You want a patent for that grilled chicken salad???

The truth is, no matter how unique you think you are, someone, somewhere thought about that recipe or food combination before you. I gaurantee it.

Its not ok to use other people’s food pictures without credit or consent. And its nice to be honest and link to people who have perhaps inspired you to make whatever creation you want to share. But people who get on their high horse and throw a royal fit because someone made a protein shake without crediting them is kinda crazy.
When is a recipe completely yours?

I don’t think it ever REALLY is. Sure, you can “adapt” something. Change the ingredients, amounts. But can you guarantee NO ONE out there made those changes? I think to play it safe, we should mention where we were “inspired” from  but most importantly, stop calling things “ours”.

“Mine, mine, mine”.

Hmm, sounds like someone is three years old.

Look, I’m all for sharing recipes and food ideas. Thats how the word gets out about the delciousness out there. But claiming recipes and food combination’s are “ours” is kind of childish. Do we really need to start patenting our amazeballs? So if we are riding the childish wave, I guess we should remember:

Sharing is caring.

yea, he owes me too

PMS Brownie and Dear Online Dater Part Trois

I could not let a week go by without a “Dear Online Dater” post.

I just got too many good ones this past week.

For those new readers, I belong to an online dating site half seriously. I think the only reason I keep my account up is that I get the most entertaining messages. So I post and reply to them on the blog every week. I really should just have a whole blog dedicated to these messages!

And I noticed that some commenters on my last round kept telling me to “give these guys a chance”. I’m not trying to be a bitch. Lie. Maybe I am, but trust me, you would reject them too after reading some of their profiles. Trust me, I give chances to those with potential. Plus, as I mentioned in my confessions post, I’m a man anyway so I don’t even think I’m their type.

Without further ado, here are this week’s messages with my response:

You are cute! Where did you pick the word “Namaste” from?

-clueless87

(EDEN’s SIDE NOTE: My username has “namaste” in it. Cause I’m a vegan yogi like that!)

Dear Clueless87,

I’m not a puppy, I’m not cute. And dude, can’t you wikipedia that shit? Why are you asking me?!

-Eden

you seem like a well rounded person. Want to get some sushi this weekend?

-SushiSeeker

Dear SushiSeeker,

My tummy is indeed well rounded. And I would prefer to get sushi on a Tuesday, thankyouverymuch!

-Eden

Evening,

Love that you are into cooking. Well looks like more then just ‘into’ it lol. Anyways would love to chat and get to know you more if your interested as well.

-LolMan

Dear LolMan,

Seriously??? You can’t lol. Its just not done if you’re straight. I know, its so unfair. Girls can sometimes get away with it, but its an unwritten rule that guys can’t. Think of it as payback for you not having a war with your ovaries every month. Anyhow, I think I lost interest because that “lol”made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

-Eden

is all the food you make enlightened?

–SeekingNirvanaMan

Dear SeekingNirvanaMan,

Heavens no! Its circumcised!

-Eden

Wow, youre really pretty… And you cook, thats a big plus. haha-HaHaMan

Dear HaHaMan,

No shit, sherlock.

-Eden

Ok, that’s enough for the week.

Feel free to share your replies to any or all of the above.

and for the food portion of today’s program, I have a super chocolatey brownie recipe my boss (the one I work as a private chef for) requested I make. I have no idea where she got the recipe but she handed me a print out and I did what is said. Its SO chocolatey, any person with a vagina will want to marry it.

1  cup oat flour (just grinded up oatmeal)
3-4 tablespoons sugar or stevia powder (if using stevia, depends on the brand, sweeten to taste)
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. baking soda
3/4 cup cocoa powder (I use the Hershey’s Special Dark, thanks Deb!)
2 large eggs
1 tbsp. water
2 tsp. vanilla
3/4 cup smart balance spread or similar non-hydrogenated margarine (I’m kind of in love with the brummel and brown spread)
6 oz dark chocolate (chopped or in chip form)

1.) Pre-heat oven to 350 F.
2.) Place flour, baking powder, baking soda, cocoa, and sugar/stevia into a medium sized mixing bowl. With a fork, sift all ingredients together very well. (For at least 2 minutes) Make sure all ingredients are sifted and blended very well.
3.) In a smaller bowl, melt butter and chocolate in microwave or by other means to a creamy/oily consistancy. Beat in vanilla, water, and eggs well.
4.) Pour butter mixture into flour mixture and stir until completely blended and moistened.
5.) Pour into a 9×9 or similar sized pan and bake for about 5-8 minutes, depending on your oven.Baking times can vary depending on the oven, so keep an eye on ’em because they’re not as good over-cooked.
In fact, you should slightly under-cook them to retain a very moist texture.  To check, put a toothpick in the middle- if the middle is still liquidy, it’s not done. Toothpick will not come out completely clean, but you want to make sure that it’s cooked to a gooey consistency and is not too liquidy.
6.) Remove from oven and cool completely before serving. Makes about 10 serving.

And….if you are interested in the stats, I posted this recipe on my daily plate which you can check out here.

I never said it would be pretty..much like me when I'm PMSing