If you’re one of the whopping seventy or so people that follow me on twitter, you might already know that Bradley Cooper casually got on the treadmill in front of me at the gym a few days ago.
And perhaps that fact alone should be reason enough not to follow me on twitter.
Celebrity sightings are common in LA and I’m not usually gasping for air at the sight of one. But trust me, if it was Snuffaluffagus or Mr. Rogers, I might require resuscitation. I know, my standards are high.
However, the majority of the world doessn’t live in the the celebrity cesspool that L.A. is. So for them, I’m writing a brief guide to celebrity encounters.
Make Eye Contact.
Eye contact gives you confidence and the strength to hold your nerves. It will acknowledge your presence and let them know, “Hey! I’m here! I’m queer, get used to it”
ok, maybe not the queer part if you don’t swing that way. But for the record, I’m willing to get queer for Betty White.
If she/he Acknowledges You with a Nonverbal Gesture, It’s your Cue to say, “Hello.”
Or “How’s it going?” or something along those lines. Just don’t say “whats happening hot stuff” especially if the celebrity is Asian. If she/he ignores you, abort mission. She/he probably has better things to do than to make contact with a civilian.
Don’t Tell Them You Like Their Work
People don’t like talking about their work unless it’s something to be proud of, and I have a suspicion the people you encounter have a few things under their belt they’re NOT proud of. So be generic in your conversation. Stick to the weather and your latest pap smear results.
Don’t Start Harassing Them on Twitter (Even if by Some Miracle, They Follow You)
People assume that if they just tweet something clever or flattering to celebrities, the celebrity will discover their blossoming personality and add them instantly.
@LindsayLohan Girl, I don’t care what anybody says, you OWNED that jewelry!
What is she supposed to do with that?
Make Sure You Are Interesting
People want to buy into something. Celebrities are no exception and its crucial you find something about you to make you different from the pack of fans and twitter followers they have. Time to take an inventory of your skills and amplify them.
Suppose you’re Barney, a plumber. Noble profession. But what if you made a video where you took an iPad and flushed it down a toilet? Now you’re not just a dude with the name of a Purple Dinosaur, you’re the guy with the iPad toilet video!
Now you have something interesting and different than every other “civilian”. You’re kind of a celebrity yourself at this point because everyone will want to see what you’ll flush down the toilet next! Exciting!
I think the last one had Bradley all over me.
Me, and my toilet.
Ok, any celebrity encounter tips you’d like to share? Or have you flushed anything cool down the toilet? Goldfish doesn’t count.
Fun Fact: the day after Easter is an unofficial Jewish holiday cause Easter candy is half price!
A great time to utilize those extra peeps laying around! So I made “Peep Treats” with the dessert class I teach to six your olds (yes the ones from this post that don’t listen to me and vandalize monkey bars).
For the “Peep Treats”, you will need:
- 3 tbs butter or butter sub of choice (I like benecol if your going the “fake butter” route)
- About 32 Peeps (bunnies or chicks, whatever feel less evil to melt)
- 6 cups of Crispy rice cereal
- sprinkle of salt