Greek Yogurt Corn Dog Muffins and What Not To Ask About Your Appearance

The following post may offend you.

You might own some of the afflictions I list, and cry all over yourself after reading this.

But I have to write this, regardless of who I injure on the way. I pray that it just won’t be one of my readers that I like.

Since I was an innocent toddler, I’ve been insulted by thousands of people.  Each shattered my emoticons until I retreated into the caverns of my college dorms room to become what I am today.

A bitch blogger with an appetite.

So don’t fear if you have any of these afflictions. I have several more which I’m keeping mum about for the sake of losing all my readers.

The 7 things you’re not allowed to say about someone’s appearance.

You’re Balding, Ma’am.

If a guy’s bald, it’s hilarious.

Homer Simpson, Uncle Fester, Britney Spears.

But if a chick’s balding, we’re not allowed to say anything.

Equal rights my ass.

Your Body Odor Is Very Pungent.

Check this one off for me because I’ve been told I smell.

Mostly by my parents who would say:  “Did you just come back from PE?  Maybe a shower is good.”

Then I have to lie and say I went to PE.

We both know I hate PE.  I’ve had a “needs to participate more” on my report card along with an “C+” in PE since I was old enough to take PE.

Your Kids Are Ugly As Ass.

There’s something that separates us from animals.

A tiger can look at its kid, who might have some jacked-up tic-tac-toe stripes, and think god, my kid looks like shit.

Humans can’t do this.

We immediately think our kids are gorgeous, angelic little creatures, even if they’re alarmingly ugly.

Humanity needs to learn from the tigers, and I guess zebras too.

You Have An Errant Nose Hair.

Have you ever been in a meeting and someone with a lot of power gets up to say something. He’s saying “these first quarter results are disappointing, people.”

And all you can think of is: ” hello nose hair!  You grew so long!  All your brothers and sisters grew an appropriate length but you don’t fit norms, do you?  You are the Yao Ming of nose hairs.”

Okay, maybe just I do that.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take a shower. So whats missing from the list???

And on to the food segment of the program…these aren’t creative because everyone has seen these on some blog. So I just added greek yogurt to make them a little different. They still taste like the carnival.

  • 5 turkey, veggie, or plain old mystery meat hot dogs
  • 1 cup fresh or frozen corn
  • 1/2 cup yellow corn meal
  • 2/3 cup All Purpose or corn flour (masa)
  • 1/4 cup greek yogurt
  • 2 eggs
  •  1/4 cup sugar, sugar sub, or honey
  • 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp salt

Combine flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl. Mix well and set aside. In a separate small bowl, mix together corn, eggs and yogurt. Stir thoroughly. Add contents of the small bowl to the large one, and stir until completely mixed.

Chop your wieners (not literally, this is not a castration) into small slices.
Add those to the large bowl, and stir until they are integrated into the batter.
Line 12 cups of a 12-cup muffin pan with baking cups and/or spray with nonstick spray. Evenly distribute batter among the 12 cups. Top each muffin with hot dog slices.

Bake in the oven for 15 – 20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean.

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33 thoughts on “Greek Yogurt Corn Dog Muffins and What Not To Ask About Your Appearance

  1. Hah. Love your list! I have a friend who had a baby a few months back, and I swear for the first two months or so the kid looked like a wrinkled little potato. So not cute. But I kept mum and didn’t say anything insulting! At least not until now =)

  2. I had to address one of my massage therapist employees Pungent Odor once. It was like talking to a wall, because she argued that deodorant did not work for her. It was not a fun experience.

    now I am craving a corn dog.

  3. Most babies look ugly to me, especially when they scrunch up their faces to cry. Or worse, the blank, drooling stare.

    high five. I got a C+ in P.E., too.

  4. When I was about 10, my mom very kindly informed me that it was probably time for me to start using deodorant–I’d sat down to have her put my hair up in a ponytail, and as she was brushing it, she exclaimed, “Good lord child! You stink! Go put on some deodorant!” And thanks to that little exclamation from my mother, I have been paranoid as hell ever since that I’ll be in close proximity to someone & they’ll catch a whiff of me.

    Another one for your list–Ear hair. Which I almost think is worse than nose hair. It’s both funny (and a little gross) to see old guys with hair coming out of their ears…Or to see hearing aids tangled up in it!

  5. Haha.. I’ve definitely experienced the one about BO. Why is it that other people can always smell you much better than you can yourself? Haha!

    … and the recipe may not be original, but they look awesome! I love anything with cornmeal, and I’ve been majorly craving hotdogs 😛 I doubt I will make them, but I will have to go make myself a hotdog before I go back to school!

  6. Perfect timing for these…I was out walking the other day and a woman with a poop stain on her jogging pants (right in the crack area!) was in front of me. Normally if someone has toilet paper on their shoe or gunk in their teeth or something like that I tell them but well….this was an exception!

  7. You make me laugh. Funny, ‘a shower is good’ and ‘alarmingly ugly’ children. Yes, these are all really taboo. Also let’s not forget (I hope no one before me mentioned it so I seem unclever) but saying “your butt looks big”. Those corny doggy muffins are genius, as per usual!

  8. Your funny. and slightly weird, but mostly funny.
    ‘still taste like the carnival’ LOL! Oh, I’m making your cheese straw thingies this afternoon!
    P.S.
    If your in need of some new curtains, stop by my blog, Simply Healthy Family. I’m giving away a set of your choice in honor of Earth Day. {made from 100% recycled material}
    Happy Day!

  9. Yeah… I gotta go ahead and say sometimes it’s necessary to address BO. We have the occasional “punk rock” staff at work who smells like wet hot garbage because they are too anti to throw on a little deoderant or hose themselves off once in awhile.

    I can handle this just fine. The kids, who often have sensory integration disorders, can not.

    “Um, Delaney? You smell like rot, and your kid is short-circuiting because of it. Go home and shower.” For example, is a delicate way to say this.

  10. I have learned the hard way NEVER to comment on a persons “pregnancy” unless they mention it. Even if it is very obvious I simply won’t do it.
    Sigh.
    However I will run after people to tell them their fly is down or if they have food in their teeth….that is an intervention people are happy to hear.
    Nothing worse than coming home after a long talk with someone you “trust” only to discover they don’t have balls to tell you about the food lodged in your incisor.

  11. hahahaha, this is so funny! So true though 😉 Somewhat related tidbit, I met someone who won’t use soap because he doesn’t like the way it dries his skin out! Needless to say, he smells…

    The recipe looks great!!

    Have a fantastic friday 🙂

    Scott

  12. I think all newborn babies are ugly. And as soon as they get kinda okay looking, they’re still screaming and crying all the time…and that is seriously not cute.

  13. I actually overheard a woman talking about her granddaughter at the Asian Market this week, saying that “she not very good looking, not a pretty girl. not too smart.she must try harder”. and by ‘try harder” she meant that the girl isn’t making enough of an effort-that she wasn’t good enough. She didn’t mean she must try harder compared to other people to succeed. she just thought she was a lazy failure. It was fascinating and yet heart-breaking to listen to! The girl was only 13!

  14. I have six posts of yours to read! It’s like Christmas! Anyway, the thought of hot dogs in a muffin skeeves me out a bit.. but really, it’s genius. For the corn dog lovers out there, these are so smart. So, I salute you. Off to read my heart out!

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