How lovely was our guest post?
What?! you missed it!? Read it here. Then come back to this post because its a good one.
Facebook is like a high school dance. It can be fun and and filled with a cast of interesting characters. And then there are the other people. The ones who make you cringe when you see them coming and make you want to ditch this dance all together.
So I’ve put together a guide to becoming “that friend”:
10. Like an Awful Status:
My friend and I were talking about this the other day. Its just kinda sour when someone “likes” a really depressing status.
Justine: just broke my arm in a bumper car accident!
Walter: My Rottweiler is having a seizure!
Peter: Oh crap! I’m having a herpes flare up!
9. Comment on their pictures saying that you can see a side boob or an ass crack.
Bonus points for wedding and graduation pics.
8. Attract Grammer Nazis:
“So sad about Fara Fauset butt Im so gladd its fryday yippe”.
Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like Paris Hilton.
7. Become an Invite Whore:
“Support my cause. Sign my petition. Which ‘Jersey Shore’ character are you?Here are ’25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me.’ Here’s a drink. What drink are you? We’re soul mates! I took the ‘Which Dictator Are You?’ quiz and found out I’m Joseph Stalin! Which dictator are you?”
You probably mean well, but stop. Just stop. I don’t care which dictator I am — can’t we simply be friends?
6. When Facebook changes their layout, get a little ape shit.
Ask your friend how he plans on dealing with the issue.
Dude, they changed the top toolbar.
Do you know what this means?
It means we have to blow shit up.
5. Abuse “LOL
LOL is really getting abused. When I’m actually laughing out loud at something, I now have to write “Literally laughing my ass off!” Because some fools use it constantly, even when nothing remotely funny is being said. “Is it sad that I just drank a magnum by myself because I just found out I have Hep-C LOL.” “Does anyone want to go out tonight, I’m bored and lonely LOL.” Sad statements followed by LOL are really sad.
4. Send Invitations To Events In Unreachable Locations
Dude, did you RSVP to the party on the Gulfaks C Platform?
Umm….that sounds like an offshore oil rig.
Thats precisely where the coolest parties are, bitch!
3. Get a Room
Constantly update about how much you love your significant other and make people want to vomit. If you don’t have a real partner, then update about how much you love your gadgets such as the new iPad4.
“Off to see the gyno to have an ingrown hair on my labia lanced! Wish me luck!”
It was invented for a reason.
Alright, any tips for being the worst facebook friend? Any experience with your worst facebook friend you want to share? Let’s bitch it out.