We have all been there.
We have all had to do it.
Occasionally, a relationship just falls apart in a bad way. When that happens, you just wish you could walk away and leave it at that. It seems that tried and true methods such as a quiet one on one talk or even a long telephone conversation never happens anymore. These days, many of these “easy way out” break ups are made possible through our modern technologies. Try your hardest to never sink low enough to use these methods…or risk being the epitome of the word “asshole.”
1. Text Message
I have this intense bond my iPhone. I know, I used poke fun at people that married their iPhones, but now we’re engaged.
Anyhow, I would never want my dear iPhone to bring me bad news.
So let’s say I’m like totally doing James Franco. Then one day I’m at home, eating papaya in my apartment while watching Hannah Montana and I get a text message from James:
sorry 2 do this but jst not wrking out. Can we still b frnds? TTYL.
Because the frowny-face emoticon softens the blow.
A frowny-face emoticon. Really? Go smoke a joint, James.
Part of me wonders if Mark Zuckerberg’s real intention was to create a terrible way to break up with someone while ensuring some dude out there gets laid.
Sarah Has Changed Her Relationship Status To Single.
Sarah will now get hundreds of private messages from guys saying Hey stranger! Long time no talk. Sorry to hear about the break-up. That guy was such a douche Let me know when you’re free for drinks!
Translation: I’ve been waiting until you were at the most emotionally vulnerable because it ups my already-limited chance to do you.
I think its time for a “creepy” button.
3. Via Twitter
You know your breaking up with someone the wrong way when its the way Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Bronson broke up. Of course, bonus points for being drunk while doing so.
@LindsayLohan Grl…..4 sriosly this time! Its ovr!!!
@ SamanthaRonson Shut up bitch! I have a gun, get in the van!
4. Sending Them A Mixtape.
True Story from middle school Eden: A guy I was “dating” (cause really, who dates in middle school besides Miley Cryrus?) wanted to let me know it was over.
So she compiled a mixtape on cassette. I’m well aware I’m losing younger readers who don’t know what cassette tapes are. Imagine your iPod with auto-reverse.
Anyhow, Sir Mix A Lot was on it, but not even “Baby got Back”. It the stuff from side B that you know even Sir Mix A Lot was like “what a creative abortion this shit is!”
So I listened to it and at the end he came on and said Hey just wanted to let you know I’m dating that new foreign exchange student, Nadia. Don’t call me. Have a nice life.
I still get chills when I hear Sir Mix A Lot.
5. E Not-So-Harmony
This actually happened to someone I knew. Her boyfriend put a profile up on the dating site. Of course one of her yenta friends goes on hunting some prey for her own when all of a sudden…
Sees the dude.
And he cropped his girlfriend out of the picture. All you saw was half her eyeball.
I’m fairly certain if you see half your eyeball, that’s the universal sign that you’re dumped.
Any other ways I skipped? Spare the “post it”, its a Sex and the City thing and is never actually done.
For today recipe, I was beyond proud of myself because I did many souffles in culinary school. But on my final, it totally deflated and I got a C! Here’s my revenge
- 1½ cup yellow sweet corn (I used about 3 fresh ears, but use however many will yield you about 1 1/2 cup since ear sizes vary)
- ¼ cup butter (1/2 stick)
- ¼ cup (4oz) flour
- 1 ½ cups milk (I used whole)
- four strips of rendered bacon, chopped up
- 1 tsp salt
- ¼ tsp freshly ground black pepper
- 1 tbs honey
- ½ cup grated parmesan cheese
- 5 eggs separated
- ½ tsp Cream of Tartar
Prepare little soufflé dishes by buttering thoroughly and dusting with grated parmesan cheese.
Roast your ears of corn in in a pre-heated 375˚F oven for 20 minutes. (Some kernels on the outer edges of pan will burn slightly and should be discarded.)
After removing the corn from the oven, and slice down to get out the kernels off. I used about 1 and a half cup of kernels.
In a small saucepan over low heat, bring the milk to a boil. (Over low heat this takes a while, so do this first. Turn the heat off the milk as soon as it reaches the boil.)
In a larger saucepan melt the butter over medium low heat. When the butter has melted, add all the flour and briskly whisk it into the butter until smooth, making sure the flour is completely absorbed. Continue whisking lightly until the flour has cooked, another one to two minutes.
When the milk is ready, add it all at once to the butter and flour, and whisk until combined and smooth. Continue to whisk for another two to four minutes, until the mixture has thickened. Turn off the heat, and set the pan aside to cool slightly.
After the mixture in the saucepan has cooled for a few minutes, whisk in the egg yolks only (reserving the egg whites), one at a time. Then add the salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper and whisk to combine. Finally, add the parmesan cheese and whisk to combine.
Add the cooled roasted corn, honey and bacon pieces to the base and whisk to combine.
Whisk the egg whites and cream of tartar until the egg whites stand in soft peaks (at high speed this happens fairly quickly, approximately 2 ½ to 3 minutes.)
Add approximately 1 tablespoon of the soufflé base to the egg whites, and fold in gently, using the whisk or a rubber spatula. Then add the egg whites to the soufflé base and combine by folding in with a rubber spatula or very gently with the whisk.
Transfer to the prepared soufflé dishes, and bake on a lined cookie sheet or half sheet pan on the lowest pan in the oven. Bake for approximately 20-25 minutes or until the soufflé is puffed, golden brown, and doesn’t jiggle like jello when moved. (A little jiggle is okay.)
Serve immediately to show off the soufflé at its puffiest, but for better flavor the soufflé can sit for a few minutes even though it will deflate a bit.
I know, they deflated a bit, but thats cause they hung around a lot before I managed to get a photoshoot together