Insert Parent Here

Once again, reading all the supportive comments from my last post left me in tears. I know, blogging seems trivial. And while I’m not visiting other blogs, I’ll be updating mine.

Since I don’t journal, this is my therapy.

And the truth is, I don’t think I ever treated my blog as a “journal”. I never recorded my milage, or my meal. I never really said, “I did this and that today”. But these next couple days will be brutal. So this will be a journal of sorts.

My dad will be in surgery today (Tuesday) at twelve thirty pm pacific time. Not that it matters but for those that want to think of my dad, I guess then would be a good time to start. They think there are a few tumors in there. They are deep in the language area, so aside for the fact that these could be dangerous tumors, because they are e going in to a delicate area of the brain, he may not be able to talk again.

I’m so afraid. My dad appears to be fearless, and when I was scared, he always managed to calm me down. I really want him to calm me down this time.

I miss my mother, and I REALLY miss my father. My father before the hemorrhage in November occurred, when he was healthy. Everyone asks me, “what can I do for you? Do you need me to cook for you?”. I love it how people assume food will make it all ok. One of my dad’s friends seem convinced that this is because he wasn’t eating as much as he did before the hemorrhage.

Anyhow, wow, this post has no structure. Are you guys bored yet?

This is will be a hard year for me for sure. And a treacherous next few weeks.

Even if my dad comes out of this, it will be a long ass recovery. Bills have to be paid, MEDICAL bills will haunt me forever, my dad’s mortgage needs to be paid, etc. Its endless. I feel like I need to be working right now to avoid all the debt that I’ll face. But I’m afraid I’ll fall apart. I feel like there is SO much pressure on me. So much I will need to deal with if my dad dies and even if he doesn’t.

Again, I really would like to insert a parent right here. 

Anyhow, while writing this, i’ve made a decision about future posts. I realized while talking to someone about something my dad usually does the other day that if there is anything that makes me feel better its thinking of things pertaining to my dad.

So for a few posts, while I go through this grueling time, I’ll be showcasing things my dad did, things my dad loves, or just random tid bits about my dad.

I’m not the “praying” kind, but sometimes, its what we do. Its not really a religious thing. We we just wish really, really hard. And that’s what I’ll be doing.

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37 thoughts on “Insert Parent Here

  1. I’ve had the honor of meeting your dad, and I really like him. He seems like a respectable, sincere person with a fun, witty side. I wonder if you got your wits from him.

    Prayers have already started, but I shall be praying extra hard beginning at 12:30 p.m. tomorrow.

  2. I’m sorry I’ve missed the last couple of your posts Eden, I’ve been away from a computer. I’m not sorry because I think you’ll in some way have missed *my* particular support; I’m sorry because I don’t want you to think that just because this is happening, and it’s rough, and you’re writing about your dad, that I (or anyone else..) has stopped reading. Anyway, I’ve just caught up, and in time for your dad’s surgery today. I’m not a praying person, but I will be thinking about *you* while it’s happening. I know it’s your dad they’re operating on, but I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must be for you to sit and wait while they do, unknowing and nervous. I hope you have lots of people around you at that time.

    And Sophia is right — try and grab sleep as and when you can. It’s the biggest thing you can do to support yourself.

    In my thoughts.. xx

  3. Eden, many prayers and good vibes are being sent your way.

    Medical bills, mortgages, money….at a time like this, it’s awful that you even have to think this way but yes, I understand.

    With love and peace for you & your dad.
    xo

  4. Always relieved to see a post pop up from you on my reader at night during this trying time that you’re having. Maybe prayers and thoughts going to you and your father, from me.

  5. Hi Eden,
    I’m a long time reader, first time commenter. I just wanted to say that your blog has provided me with an enormous source of hope, inspiration, belief, courage & happiness. My heart simultaneously aches for you and beats on in inspiration from you.
    I am not sure of the time difference [as i live in Australia so my Tuesday has already happened], but I’ll be thinking of you and your dad. I’m sending multitudes of positive thoughts your way.

    Take care. Victoria

  6. During times like these, find solace in the fact that you always will have yourself. The incredible strength you’ve nurtured throughout this lifetime will never leave you, no matter what challenges lie ahead. I have so much faith that everything will work out; all my well wishes to you and your father today.

  7. -hugs- I’m so sorry Eden. Please stay strong, if only for yourself.

    While I know your mind’s probably on other things right now, have you looked into consulting with a financial advisor? If you’re feeling overwhelmed by bills, they can often find loopholes and easier paths through all of the crazy red tape and money shenanigans.

  8. I’ll be thinking of you & your dad today. Remember to breathe. And if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. I even have some leftover snow in my yard I’ll box up & ship…You could make snowballs & throw them at a wall or something. 🙂

  9. Sending lots of hugs to you beautiful! You are a strong person and you will help your dad get through this tough time!! Just keep your head up, I know it is harder to do than just saying it 😉 I am close to my family and I would not sure what I would if something happened to them!! Thinking of you!!!

  10. I definitely see the resemblance! He definitely looks like an easygoing and fun dad. I bet he took great care of you growing up.

    Post away about your dad. Absolutely nothing wrong with taking a trip down memory lane! Actually, it wouldn’t hurt to make a journal of nothing but memories. They fade so quickly whether you like it or not. I wish I would have of my dad because I don’t remember much. Somehow I managed to block most of it out…

    Take care of yourself! I’ll be thinking about you…

  11. I am so sorry you’re having to go through this, it sounds like things are pretty overwhelming right now. Hang in there and try to take it just an hour at a time, no one expects you to deal with all the implications (bills and all the other details) all at once. Who is there with you during all of this, do you have much extended family nearby? Really hoping the procedure goes well and you have more answers soon.

    And I definitely see the resemblance between you and your dad; you look a lot like him. He has very kind eyes.

  12. Eden —

    I’m so sorry you are going through this. I will be thinking good thoughts for you and your father this afternoon. Healing vibes from San Francisco are coming your way.

    Take care,

    Coco

  13. I am the praying type and I have been praying since I found out but I will ge especially praying in 20 minutes for your Dad.
    Loving the blog being about him for a bit – I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel. I know your dads friends are great supports and they will help you in any way they can, I am sure.

  14. Oh Eden this just sucks so much and I wish that I could do something real and tangible to help, but know that I will thinking about him and praying for you guys. Try not to think about debt and bills and all that. It will get worked out in the end and what’s most important is that your dad gets through this. I have faith.

  15. Eden…you are going through so much! I wish that you had more help with things. I am a superstar (not to pat myself on the back or anything) when it comes to financial matters, seeing as I was a finance major so don’t hesitate to let me know if I can help you sort out the bills etc. In the meantime I’m thinking of you and your dad and I’m praying everything goes well!!

  16. Keep doing your “therapy” right now girl – you need it! I don’t see journaling as a day rehash anyway; I think it’s just an expression of what your soul needs to release at any given moment. So release!

    I love the pictures of your dad – that’s a great idea. He is a handsome fellow (I don’t mean that in a creepy way!). I hope his surgery goes well today.

    I don’t consider myself highly religious either, but I think the concepts of prayer and faith are so comforting that they serve an important purpose in our lives. So I will keep you in my prayers and have faith that things will work out for you.

    Take one day at a time sweet girl!

  17. I’ve been reading for awhile and always look forward to your posts, but have never commented.

    I am so sorry about your father and all the difficulties you’re going through right now – I can only imagine how overwhelmed and heart broken you must feel right now. You must be incredibly strong. I will be thinking of you and your Dad today and sending many positive thoughts your way.

  18. Holy mother of god, when did this insanity happen?!!!!! I’ll be home tomorrow pm. You know my number- if you want to talk, please call me. I have tons of experience with hospitals/caring/advocating and I have some great referrals for help if you need it temporarily or more. I’m sending you huge overseas hugs and I’m guessing he will soon be out of surgery. Much love, me.

  19. Eden, I am not a praying person either, but I have been thinking of you and yes, wishing very hard for everything to be okay with your dad. I wish that there were something I could do to make this situation better for you, but I feel helpless and really only have my words to offer you. So just know that you have my support and love and best wishes. You are strong and you will get through this.

  20. Dude, I will have a blogger bake sale or something for you. Not much I know, but you’re not entirely alone in this!! I know I live on the other side of the continent, but I’m also unemployed with nothing but spare time to help you out any way I can. I reallyreally hope the surgery went okay today. Keep up updated if you can. In terms of blogging, do whatever you need to do to keep yourself sane.

    Also, talk to Deb. She is amazing at this stuff.

    xxoxoxo

  21. am thinking of your dad and you at this time. even though i have never met your dad or you even i feel really glad that you are choosing to show us your family and respect your strength. you must stay strong for your dad and for you. you have a family and you know the value of it which is great to see. i think sometimes people do not see the wood for the trees and your grace at this point has really made me think too about family and the value of those nearest to us. you are a star and your dad will get through this. you have all og us out here in the interent ether to be your shoulder to lean on should you wish. ask for help ask for support its all here for you and your DAD in endless supply. big hugs

  22. Eden, I hope the surgery went well, and I am thinking of you and your dad today.

    It is so unfortunate that the US doesn’t have universal health care. There is no reason you should be left with debt after dealing with something like this. It is not fair at all.

  23. Prayers (wishes) are being made all over the blog world for you right now! I can’t even imagine the fear and anxiety you must be suffering from. All that you have been through is crazy, but you will come out stronger. I’m glad the blog is helping you cope with your feelings and we are in no way bothered by your posts. I can’t wait to read about your father. I can just feel how much you care about him and love him from your posts.

  24. I’m just now catching up on your blog and learning what your week has been like. I feel so much emotion for you, words will never work…I feel like I’m choking for you.

    hundreds of us who really only know your written words love you, and may that be a tiny comfort. Please write about your incredible dad and mom as often as you want, and I will be one happy reader.

    much love, many prayers for your father

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