I have a little confession to make.
I’ve used dating websites.
Well, that’s not the embarrassing part, whats MORE embarrassing is that I have yet to actually be in a relationship. I totally blame myself; for having standard that not even God could live up too.
But lets put that aside.
Lets review my “online dating history”. A little over two years ago, I signed onto Jdate (which surprisingly has a lot of non-Jews). The worst part about Jdate is that you have to PAY! Of course, being a Jew, I’m shocked that they’d be asking for other Jews to shell out.
Anyhow, I had a few pathetic dates and a lot of awkward emails resulting from Jdate.
I gave up Jdate after about a year (I know, I’m shocked that I stuck with them and paid for a YEAR!!!).
Fast forward to a few months ago when I signed up on a free site called “plenty of fish”. I sort of did it for my amusement because it was free. I put a picture and a snarky profile (hoping to weed out guys that didn’t get my humor) and within seconds my inbox was full of creepy ass guys.
Still with me? Hang tight.
Then I signed up to another free site, OkCupid (more like OkStupid). This site has endless surveys so they can “mathematically” match you with your dream boat.
Ok so does this make me a certified dating website junkie? maybe, but regardless, here are my tips if anyone out there gives a damn.
Dont say your a chef: I made the mistake of disclosing some truths about myself. I can’t tell you how many emails I get from dudes trying to start a conversation, “Perfect! I like to eat!” or “Really? A chef? Oh man do I like food!”. No shit Sherlock. Basically, I’m saying that I’m the perfect housewife. So maybe, I should say I don’t do dishes…that should weed out a few.
Pick the right profile picture: Your photo is one of the most important factors that will attract people to your profile. Who says it HAS to be recent!? That picture of your bikini back in high school or college will work wonders! Maybe even where sunglasses in your photo if you have major bags under your eyes. But always avoid photos where you are with another person, or, worse yet, you have chopped the other person out of the photo, only to leave behind a mysterious arm. Your date may be confused by which person is actually you or wonder who the “mysterious arm” belongs to.
Dont just SAY it, PROVE it! When developing your profile description, you may be tempted to write something like “I’m funny and smart with a good sense of humor.” Snore… yawn….thats just a boring list of adjectives used by every other person on that very same site! Rather than just stating that you are “smart”, list your favorite books or your interests that would prove to your viewer how smart you are (mention that you like Marcel Proust or Kurt Vonnegut or some Russian literature I can’t spell out). Say you like really obscure foreign films and throw in some names of indie film directors. But don’t get too hippy with your profile. Leave your tree hugging and vegan shenanigans aside. Not to many people are attracted to the whole “If its yellow let it mellow” thing.
If you really looking for a “fling”: Just be honest about it! Use these keywords, ” fun”, “causal”, “no strings attached”, “party”, or get right to the point and insert a “fuck buddy” on there. If you lower your standard a notch or two from mine, getting a fling online is easier and cheaper than getting a call girl.
1/2 cup flour or corn flour
1 egg beaten
4 teaspoons dried parsley flakes — crushed
1 tablespoon paprika
2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1 teaspoon celery salt
1 teaspoon onion salt
1/2 teaspoon ground pepper