One could call me an ex workout junkie.
I’ve tried many workouts in my “bitch be crazy” days. I ran, I stepped, I hip-hopped, I even jazzersized (don’t make fun, I was curious). I’m so glad I’m at the point where I actually do what makes me feel good and I’m no longer a slave to the workout nazi that used to live inside my head.
But there are workouts out there that I think no matter how sick I was, I would have always refused. Dont believe me? Lets examine:
The “Hawaii” Chair
In all honesty, I’m not sure what else to say about this one. Watching people fidget suggestively on what looks like an office desk chair makes me super uncomfortable for some reason. Maybe it’s the way they’re pretending there’s nothing weird going on? I can see kids really wanting to try this because I get the feeling sitting on thi chair is probably like riding the Disneyland tea cups. And that “Hawaii Chair” jingle is never going to leave my cranium.
The Ab-Circle Pro
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to see the infomercial for this taut torso torture device. And I’m still shocked this is for real. The Ab Circle Pro turns your flab into ab! Not only by dropping the the first two letters, but by employing a “Unique friction-free track which uses the momentum of gravity to target your whole mid section” while looking like your riding a donkey. The Ab Circle Pro also “gets you off the floor” and then asks to imagine ‘losing inches as you watch TV’ (and not by watching porn and then suddenly switching to the Weather Network). I also like the “I’m fitness celebrity Jennifer Nicole Lee!” claim, while the tag below her name says “Expert Fitness Celebrity.” So which is it, Jennifer?
The Neckline Slimmer
Just what the fitness world needs, a pogo stick for your chin. Personally, if your that worried about “neck fat” I would think a stress ball can do the same thing and it probably costs less than $19.99. Then again, stress balls arent endorsed by creepy Australian men so there are probably worthless. Plus, I think its weird everyone using this is nodding. Not only are you slimming your neck, your also somebody’s bitch. Win win I guess.
Have you ever tried a weird exercise fad? I personally have never tried any of these, but I’m tempted to get the hawaii chair for the sheer pleasure of having my personal tea cup ride at home.
Oh yes, want something ridiculously tasty!? Split pea soup! (fad free!)
- 1 lb (2 1/4 cups) green split peas
- 1 large onion, peeled and chopped
- 2 celery stalks, chopped
- 1 large onion, chopped
- 1 large carrot, chopped
- 1 large clove of garlic, minded
- 3 strips of bacon
- 1 tsp thyme and/or orgegano
- Salt and Pepper
Wash and drain peas. render the bacon and saute the onions with the rendered bacon fat. Remove the bacon. Add the vegetables, herbs, and garlic, and 2 1/2 quarts of water. Bring to a simmer. Skim the scum off the top of the soup for several minutes, until the scum ceases to rise. Cover loosely and simmer about 1 1/2 hours, or until peas are tender. Now share, dont be a soup nazi!