Before I begin, I just wanted to say that I was not trying to fish for comments on my last post. I almost took the post down for fear I’d sound like a whiner fishing for compliments but believe me, I don’t take compliments well, so I never try to seek them. Anyhow, thanks for all the kind words. Truly, you guys keep me going!
But moving on….
I love writing “open letters”. I wrote an open letter to whole foods last year and I think its time for a new one. This time to the all time attention whore: Lady Gaga.
Dear Lady Gaga (or should I say Stefani Germanotta),
First off… Lets start off with the positive stuff. I have to say, your music is kind of catchy and I can’t help but sing along to your songs sometimes. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is getting caught, stopped at a stop light, belting out… RAH RAH OUGHT OUGHT ATTA!
But I am here to say, you are officially too much… you need a weekend with Jesus, Dr. Phil, or hell, maybe Tim Tebow. Or maybe you need something structured, try Buddhism, Tiger swears by it. Every time I see you I think to myself “Damn girl, put on a damn pair of jeans and a tank top!” Maybe take it a step further… try sweats. Oh my God GaGa, sweats and flip flops will change your life! Look, everyone is no longer “shocked” by you, so shock us with some sweats and or yoga pants, puh-lease!!!
After seeing you at the Grammy Awards I felt kind of bad for you. I mean, you were in an egg for crying out loud! What effed up hen laid you! Does this make you not a mammal anymore?
In the end, I probably could have forgiven you for all this. I could have blamed all of it on bad influences, bad stylist, or you just needing attention, maybe more hugs as a child. But you came out with something we can not forgive you for, the dreaded meat dress. Now I don’t have enough time to write down all the jokes that pop up in my head so I will just go with what I think are the best ones. First off, when I first saw it I couldn’t help but realize how much that looked like another one of the notorious crotch shots while Lindsay, Britney or Paris are getting out of a car (probably smelt similar too). For all I know that could have just been pictures of their crotches stitched together to resemble a meat dress. I don’t know if I can ever look at beef the same. But enough with that, you are lucky you weren’t wearing that steak on your head walking in, who knows what a bum in L.A. will do for a fresh steak. You obviously give all your love to the gays and not to the homeless. You could have dressed and fed them all for a month!
Also… I need to address your kermit outfit. The meat dress (although hilarious) didn’t offend me, what did was the kermit….thing you wore! How many poor kermits did you have to murder for that!? I guess its really not that easy being green….sigh.
I also would like you to stop being a philosopher. Whenever I read an article about you, you always try to regurgitate some made up proverbs but you end up sounding like a moron. ““I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina.” Hmm, I have a suspicion kermit was trying to sleep with you….
Anyways, not all hope is lost… There is always Oprah. Dear Oprah, please save GaGa, because there is so much gagging I can take!
So here’s a recipe for her egg, a nest! A nice carby nest!
- 1 package ounces spaghetti (or gluten free option)
- 1/2 cup grated cheddar cheese
- 1 cup greek yogurt or cottage cheese
- olive oil
- pinch garlic salt
- 1/4 teaspoon pepper
- 1/2 cup frozen peas
- 1/4 teaspoon paprika
- shaved Parmesan for garnish
- Cook pasta according to directions, reserve 1/2 cup of cooking liquid. Be sure not to break spaghetti while cooking so you can twirl it into nests.
- Pre heat oven to 425˚F with the rack in the center of the oven.
- Lightly spray Muffin tins.
- Combine cottage cheese/or greek yogurt and cheddar cheese in a bowl.
- Toss cooked pasta with a splash of olive oil, peas all spices and seasonings. Add some of the reserved cooking liquid if you need to. Mix with cheese mixture. Reserve a bit of cheese to top each nest.
- Twirl spaghetti with a fork and add to muffin tins, create nest shapes. Top each nest with a bit of the cottage cheese/yogurt mixture.
- Bake for about 10 minutes. The tops of your nests will be lightly browned and a bit crispy.
- Let cool for a few minutes. Gently loosen spaghetti nests from muffin tins with a spatula and serve.