As I sit here typing this, I’m smelling the evidence to me being the biggest klutz in the world.
The reason why I’m “smelling” the evidence is that today at work, I opened a jar of peanut butter (a new one, with all the peanut oil floating on the top) and managed to spill all that peanut juice all down my shirt and little cleavage I posses.
So now, I smell like a 5 year old. Good thing I’m about seven in spirit.
But the biggest klutz in the WORLD?! Yes, that is me, my friends.
Don’t believe me? Do you doubt my status as the most tremendous klutz in
the world? Well, I’ll just have to convince you. Let’s review some of
the klutzy-ass things that I have done:
1) Fallen flat on my ass right before receiving my college diploma:
Oh, this sounds tame, you say? Well, actually, “fallen” is not really descriptive
enough. Let’s go for “tumbled.” “Rolled” would also work. As would
“somersaulted,” as in “I somersaulted down the auditorium stairs all the way to the
bottom, where I lay, dazed, for about one tenth of a second, when the eyes and cameras were on me. Right before I even got the diploma! Bonus points, I wore a dress (at least I wasn’t going commando, and thanks to this incident, I never will). I got up and waved that I’m ok because I heard the whole auditorium hold their breath when I hit the floor. Anyhow, I have it on tape, and its a good thing VCRs are extinct.
2) Electrocuting myself
I was trying to set up my dorm room when I moved in to college. Some of the outlets seemed busted, so I called electrician. When he came over I was trying to test different outlets to see if they worked. But this one outlet was kind of clogged with paint, and I couldn’t get the prongs of the computer in there, so instead I just start ROOTING AROUND with MY FINGER. And so I was shocked. And it hurt. But I tried to play it off all cool, like nothing had happened, despite the audible “BZZZT” that had accompanied my electrocution. But it didn’t work, because immediately the electrician was like, “Hey – all the hair on your left arm is standing straight up!” And so it was. And now that I think about it, that is less klutzy and more just flat-out stupid.
3) Ruining the neatly packed supermarket shelves:
I was in the grocery store shopping for my usual suspect. I was looking at a variety of teas…reading the ingredients…enjoying all the variety…then, I took a box of peppermint tea off the shelf…and (I am not kidding) a bunch of other tea boxes came flying off the shelf. They didn’t just fall off the shelf…they FLEW off the shelf. Not just one box….not just two boxes…but a gazillion boxes! And worst of all…there were witnesses and very angry store clerks morning their hard re-stocking work. I’m believed to be blacklisted at this supermarket.
Do you have an incident to rival mine?
And here’s a way to use yogurt, other than in the blogger beloved, “yogurt mess”.
- 1/3 cup nonfat Greek style yogurt or sour cream
- 1/3 cup lowfat buttermilk
- 3 tablespoons mayo
- 1 1/2 teaspoons lemon juice
- 1/2 teaspoon parsley (I used dried)
- 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh chives
- Salt to taste