I Just Don’t Understand

I know, WTF???

There are many things I just don’t understand.

I’m keeping this brief. I honestly did not like my last post, it was chilling and almost took it down. I think it even killed my mood to write something witty and thoughtful today. So instead, I thought of things that I just don’t understand.

1. Pretending to be out of Breath when You’re Late

Traffic *gasp* was backed up, and *gasp* the elevator took a long time *gasp*.

2.Watching TV in the Bathroom

I’ve seen Bruce Jenner do this on his reality show. He was sitting in the bathroom watching football. How manly.

3. Making an Explosion Noise After Bumping Fists

um…I just dont get it

4. Writing “Wash Me” of Dirty Cars

Extra points if its line at the car wash

5. Power Walking While Smoking a Cigarette

Merely keeps you the same exact healthiness due to the two activities canceling one another out.

6. Accidentally Calling a Phone Sex Hotline

Dammit, not now lady! I was just trying to order a snuggie

7.Marrying Elizabeth Taylor

Hey, happens to the best of us

8. Printing Porn

What a waste of ink!

9. Moshing

See also 90’s

10. Licking your fingers before turning a page

Does this work? I do not believe it does.

11. Canwich 

A sandwich in a can or, as the manufacturer describes it, “a new and innovative sandwich product for grab-and-go convenience.” See also Lazy.



Alright, join in. What do you just not understand? And for the hell of it, if you were forced to eat a canwich, which (pun very much intended) would you choose? Me: I’d go for the PB and strawberry jelly. You couldn’t pay me enough to eat the chicken one!

30 thoughts on “I Just Don’t Understand

  1. Well reading this post certainly put me in a better mood before my exam today! Except for those candwich things which kind of make my skin crawl. And the image of Bruce Jenner in the bathroom watching tv. Eww.

  2. I don’t understand a lot of things, but meat in a can is most certainly one of them. I also don’t get when packages of cheese don’t have to be refrigerated or fat-free cheese. Actually, I don’t understand a lot of foods people eat that taste “just like” the real thing due to chemicals and mental Jedi mind tricks. Eat the real damn peanut butter.

    As for your last post, I just think a lot of people didn’t get the metaphor. You know I’m the queen of post-posting regret, but seriously, never feel bad about what you post. Because I said so.

  3. OMG – too funny. So with you on the licking finger thing. That’s just gross for starters. I think men just like to make noises is why they do that stupid explosion thing. I will say that I do have a friend who is a news anchor, she keeps a tv in the bathroom to keep up with the news before heading to work, so in that respect, totally legit. I don’t get people talking on the phone while they’re peeing. I don’t want to hear someone peeing or flushing.

  4. I’ve read about those canwiches and it really gives me the heebie jeebies. Other things I don’t understand? Men who cat call or honk at me when I’m out running. What do you think I’m going to do? Flash you? Stop and give you my phone number?

  5. I have to say no to the meat in the can, (if forced) I’d chose the PB&Strawberry then the PB&Grape. (How is the bread not a soggy mess?)

    What a creepy bear thing..ew.

    Don’t second guess yourself so much! You wrote what you felt and if you didn’t think you needed to put it out there at the time, then you wouldn’t have. Just sayin.. 🙂

    I don’t understand:
    1. why some words are bad. Like cusswords. How did that start?
    2. crop circles
    3. people.. I just don’t understand most people in general…lol

    • I hesitated,but I think I’d like to add valentines day. screw it. I don’t understand it. Doesn’t the very fact that someone only does it on the day they are *suppose* to sort of nullify the sincerity of the action?? Our culture says to buy only these acceptable things(choc/flowers/card, on THIS one day for your mate/partner/whatever. Ok, there, I said it. So shoot me.

      • This will come as no surprise, but I agree with you 100 percent. To build off your cusswords inquiry, what about the middle finger? It’s a finger; one that I might give to Valentine’s Day or superficial holidays in general, but still…it’s a finger.

  6. I have to admit I sometimes lick my finger when turning a page. If my hands are extremely dry I just can’t get the page to turn. But when people just do it every single time they turn a page it’s just irritating. I sat next to this one woman in class who would lick her finger so much I thought she would lick it off. Like, how many licks does it take to get to the center?

    I also had a professor who was a smoker, but also ran.

    I don’t get people who ask for 1/2 diet 1/2 regular soda to “cut back on the sugar”, then proceed to drink about 3 tall glasses of these.

    I don’t get people who have to repeat everything someone else said, like it was their own thought; like, Person1: “If you drive with 4WD on the highway it’ll ruin it” Person2: “Yeah, it’ll ruin it”. Okay, Person1 made the point already.

    And I may have to find these canwiches just to see what the heck they look like. It sounds awful, but if forced I’d go for the PB&J.

  7. The licking the page part makes total sense. Well, not to me but if it worked in the Name of the Rose, I will not second-guess U. Eco. What is completely beyond me is wearing shorts and uggs on a cold/rainy day like today. Are you cold? Are you hot? Just confused?

  8. Candwich?!?!?! 😯 Seriously??? I don’t get it. I also don’t why there’s an expiration date on water bottles. However, I think I got your last post. I think it was very good.

  9. haha seriously there are so many things I just do not understand either. I hate seeing the ‘wash me’ on dirty cars. And for the candwich it just sounds disgusting from the name. I can only imagine what it would taste like, LOL.

  10. what i don’t uderstand why Eden regrets posting yesterday!!!!!
    it was honest and well what more can you ask for?
    going into “rehab” this friday, so you guys better continue with all your thoughts randoms etccc… it will keep me sane
    if not then my alter ego will come hunt you down ( all in the space of 24hrs)
    ta from greenwich 😉

  11. I do the finger-lick thing! It definitely helps me to turn pages when I’m too handicapped to do it on my own. Saliva makes the pages stick and turn. 🙂

    I’d really like to know what the hell that first picture is. It took me awhile before I could look away and actually start reading the post.

  12. Canwich? For reals? Never heard of it but I’d be all over the PB&J.

    This was yet another LOLer of a post, Eden. You crack me up all the time.

    #5 is very French.

    I don’t understand why restaurants serve nice wine and then give you little tiny glasses to drink from- that’s just wrong. It’s not a shot of tequila, it’s wine.
    I don’t understand the knee-high with shorts thing at the gym, nor do I understand false eyelashes at the gym either. But it’s probably just because I’m jealous 🙂

    I don’t understand why i wait til the night before a trip to pack and then procrastinate by reading a favorite blog, but there ya go. And now I gotta go- hugs!!

  13. The finger licking thing does work actually- to get a better grip on the page lol.

    But the gasping when you’re late, that literally made me laugh out loud–so true! And I’ll also say one of my buddies and I always say “boom” when we fist bump… but it’s only with him.

    You know what I still never got though? Furbies…

  14. are you serious? Canwich? thats kinda creepy. I don’t understand chefs who smoke. I know a lot do. Doesn’t that just kill your tastebuds? Hmmmm..Youre the expert there. Whats your take?

  15. The hubs would probably love a canwhich but this is the man who still eats frozen pbj sandwiches made by smuckers so…
    And the chicken one repulsed me

  16. Bah ha ha…. I experienced the “gasp” from someone today- and I quote “The elevator was so slow”…. ummm…. wft? I have never gotten winded waiting or riding the elevator. Ever. Didn’t know it was possible. The things I learn everyday…

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