Is everyone out of their Valentine’s Day coma?
No? Thats ok too.
Sure, I have awesome friends that are probably the best valentines I could have asked. But I’ve had a laughable love life.
And its all due to my “Ex”.
So today, I’ll have you meet my “Ex”.
My “Ex” was extremely attractive. I felt like the most special girl in the world in his arms. I felt fearless, loved, and taken care of. He was safe, when my life was chaotic. He was always there for me, and I for him.
We met when I was nearly fourteen. My mom died a year beforehand and never really got the chance to mourn her loss. For the first year after her death, I thought everything was actually not too bad. But after a year, her absence start to set in, and I missed her. My “Ex” was there. He made me feel better about myself, he gave me something to do when I was bored.
We had many dates. I loved our dates so much, they became sacred. I’d hide away from everyone at night just to be with my “Ex”. And during the day, we’d have religious “gyms dates”. If ANYONE dared to interfere with our dates, my “Ex” would throw a major fit!
He started to get territorial. He kept me on a short leash. He’d lash out if anybody wanted to get close to me. He wanted me all to himself.
When I was about 19, I started to realize that my “ex” was really abusive. So I tried to run away. We’d already been living together for about 6 years. I had all my things packed and ready to go and I reached out to others to help me escape. I’d meticulously plan out how I’d run away from the prison he had me in.
And I did escape. Briefly, because sure enough, I was running back.
I realized I didn’t know how to take care of myself when he seemed to. He was “stable”,comfortable and tempting. He’d tease me when I tried to run. And those time I did actually run, I was always running back.
My therapist once told me it take the average woman in an abusive relationship over 20 times to “leave” the abusive significant other in her life.
I must’ve hit at least 30.
Finally, I got up the strength to escape. I packed my things and ran away. This time, there was no going back. I was older, I was wiser, I could easily outsmart him. And I did.
But where does that leave me now? I think my “Ex” made it extremely difficult to start dating again. I’ve tried. I did the Jdate thing, but nothing happened. I hate my “ex” for doing this to me. For making me allergic to dating. I’d love to have a boyfriend to show my “Ex” I’ve moved on and found someone better.
But in all honesty, I think my “Ex” left a horrible scar on me that slightly revolts potential boyfriends. Can you believe that ass hole? He still wants me back.
I don’t have a significant other to make my “Ex” jealous. But I’m not going back to him. He can beg, and plead, and make promises (he wont keep). But I’m not going back.
Even though I don’t have a boyfriend to replace my “Ex”, I’ve finally learned I dont need one to take care of me. I dont do such a bad job myself.
So my “Ex” can go suck it!
I hope you all understood the metaphor. Even if you’ve never had an eating disorder, have you ever been in an “abusive relationship”, be it with a real person or a part of who you are?
I had my desserts class for kindergarteners on Valentines day, so we made some cherry chocolate parfaits.
- chocolate pudding mix
- 2 cups cold milk of choice
- dried cherries
- smashed cookies or graham crackers of choice
- a hershey’s kiss or hug
Smash the cookie/crackers in a plastic bag in order to get crumbs. Make the pudding according to the directions on the box. I used instant because kindergartners are more impatient than me. To build your parfaits, put a layer of the cookie crumbs in the bottom of the cup. Add a layer of dried cherries, spoon in some chocolate pudding, and add another layer of graham crackers. Continue building in that order until you reach the top of the cup. “Seal it with a kiss” by placing a kiss on the very top.