Cherry Chocolate Parfaits and Meet My “Ex”

Is everyone out of their Valentine’s Day coma?

No? Thats ok too.

Sure, I have awesome friends that are probably the best valentines I could have asked. But I’ve had a laughable love life.

And its all due to my “Ex”.

So today, I’ll have you meet my “Ex”.

My “Ex” was extremely attractive. I felt like the most special girl in the world in his arms. I felt fearless, loved, and taken care of. He was safe, when my life was chaotic. He was always there for me, and I for him.

We met when I was nearly fourteen. My mom died a year beforehand and never really got the chance to mourn her loss. For the first year after her death, I thought everything was actually not too bad. But after a year, her absence start to set in, and I missed her. My “Ex” was there. He made me feel better about myself, he gave me something to do when I was bored.

We had many dates. I loved our dates so much, they became sacred. I’d hide away from everyone at night just to be with my “Ex”. And during the day, we’d have religious “gyms dates”. If ANYONE dared to interfere with our dates, my “Ex” would throw a major fit!

He started to get territorial. He kept me on a short leash. He’d lash out if anybody wanted to get close to me. He wanted me all to himself.

When I was about 19, I started to realize that my “ex” was really abusive. So I tried to run away. We’d already been living together for about 6 years. I had all my things packed and ready to go and I reached out to others to help me escape. I’d meticulously plan out how I’d run away from the prison he had me in.

And I did escape. Briefly, because sure enough, I was running back.

I realized I didn’t know how to take care of myself when he seemed to. He was “stable”,comfortable and tempting. He’d tease me when I tried to run. And those time I did actually run, I was always running back.

My therapist once told me it take the average woman in an abusive relationship over 20 times to “leave” the abusive significant other in her life.

I must’ve hit at least 30.

Finally, I got up the strength to escape. I packed my things and ran away. This time, there was no going back. I was older, I was wiser, I could easily outsmart him. And I did.

But where does that leave me now? I think my “Ex” made it extremely difficult to start dating again. I’ve tried. I did the Jdate thing, but nothing happened. I hate my “ex” for doing this to me. For making me allergic to dating. I’d love to have a boyfriend to show my “Ex” I’ve moved on and found someone better.

But in all honesty, I think my “Ex” left a horrible scar on me that slightly revolts potential boyfriends. Can you believe that ass hole? He still wants me back.

I don’t have a significant other to make my “Ex” jealous. But I’m not going back to him. He can beg, and plead, and make promises (he wont keep). But I’m not going back.

Even though I don’t have a boyfriend to replace my “Ex”, I’ve finally learned I dont need one to take care of me. I dont do such a bad job myself.

So my “Ex” can go suck it!

I hope you all understood the metaphor. Even if you’ve never had an eating disorder, have you ever been in an “abusive relationship”, be it with a real person or a part of who you are?

I had my desserts class for kindergarteners on Valentines day, so we made some cherry chocolate parfaits.

  • chocolate pudding mix
  • 2 cups cold milk of choice
  • dried cherries
  • smashed cookies or graham crackers of choice
  • a hershey’s kiss or hug

Smash the cookie/crackers in a plastic bag in order to get crumbs. Make the pudding according to the directions on the box. I used instant because kindergartners are more impatient than me. To build your parfaits, put a layer of the cookie crumbs in the bottom of the cup. Add a layer of dried cherries, spoon in some chocolate pudding, and add another layer of graham crackers. Continue building in that order until you reach the top of the cup. “Seal it with a kiss” by placing a kiss on the very top.

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23 thoughts on “Cherry Chocolate Parfaits and Meet My “Ex”

  1. I got the metaphor only after you mentioned that you lived with him for 6 years. I was like, “Damn, you lived with a boy when you were 14?! ” And then, it sunk in: “Oh….duh, Sophia.”

    Haha. But it’s kind of a good metaphor…we give our ALL to ED…but ED never really loves us back, it just seeks to control and manipulate us.

  2. Although I’ve never been in a real abusive relationship, thank God, it really is a lot like that. I mean, we don’t even realize that “HE” is hurting us at first, but everyone else does.

    I also feel the same way about being left with some kind of mark, or scar that makes it hard to be with a guy. Like I’m tainted now. If I ever told a guy about it, I’d feel like he would think I was out of mind or something. Which would be true 🙂 Haha!

    ❤ Tori

  3. I haven’t talked about it on my blog but I had a terrible relationship before I met Andy. I was with my ex-boyfriend for 4 years. It was a rough time in my life.

    I’m glad you refuse to go back to your “ex.”

  4. I didn’t realize it was a metaphor either until I got to the gym date part, then I needed to go back and re-read. 🙂

    I’m still dealing with my ‘ex’ that I like to try to ignore which is not healthy. ‘He’ is draining and sucks the life out of everything, but at least not quite as bad as he used to be. I try to stay positive, but sometimes I feel like ‘he’ will never go away. 😦 ‘He’ doesn’t understand I don’t have room for ‘him’ in my life, but ‘he’s’ a persistant bastard. Guess that just means I need to kick it up a notch right? I may need to find a ‘relationship counselor’ (again) to kick ‘him’ to the curb for good. That is a draining in itself though. *sigh*

    I really, really, really want one of those parfaits…

  5. I think we dated the same person. Bastard.
    Metaphorical men aside, I did have a “real” emotionally damaging relationship for six years. Ironically, it was about this time that I developed the severe OCD and my “relationship” with disorder. Go figure. Bastard.

  6. Abusive ex’s suck no matter who or what they are. I was in a terrible relationship for 4 years that culminated in me getting a restraining order against this guy the first week of college. It was pretty horrible and I feel so lucky to have found the guy I ended up marrying (as it took quite a while to shake that ex–mentally and physically). I have no doubt that you are getting stronger every day and when the right someone comes around, you’ll be ready.

    It is so sweet to see the kids making the parfaits. I’m kinda jealous of your job.

    • Oh my goodness, a restraining order? I was never sure what those actually do. I know they arent allowed near you but hoe can you enforce that? I’m glad you found a good guy in the end!

  7. Thanks for sharing your story, Eden. I’m so glad you were able to get out!! I was in an abusive relationship in high school, so I can really relate.

  8. I definitely picked up on the metaphor and I loved it because you showed just how much of a “person” ED is or can be.

    I’ve never been in an abusive relationship. At least not physically or verbally although I did have a thing with a guy who liked to you with my mind and my emotions. Thankfully I’ve moved on and I feel so much better for having done so.

  9. i hate hate hate hate hate you ex for you. you’re amazing and you know you are and someday some guy will love you for exactly who you are even WITH your scars 😉

  10. When you wrote about the gym dates, I wondered if your “Ex” actually was a human or your ED. This is a scary metaphor, Eden, and it went under my skin!

  11. I wish my ex was more of an ex, lately. I haven’t really given it a coherent thought until I read this post (denial ain’t just a river in egypt), but he’s knocking on my door and he brought flowers. Luckily, the real dude i’m with notices when its starting up and lovingly reminds me what its like to be free of it. At any rate, I probably would have burnt something down trying to make those fortune cookies from your last post. I’m better with carry out 🙂

  12. I did get the metaphor right away because it’s pretty much the story of my life too (with a few variables, obviously). But i definitely feel tainted now.
    and i was on jdate for a while too…at least awkward jewish men make for funny stories, or else the entire experience would have been totally worthless!

  13. Wow, SO glad you got out of such an abusive relationship!! Oh wow, I deffff JUST got the metaphor. I’m so slow sometimes…either way, GLAD you’re DONEEE w/ “him!”

  14. Wow, girl you are so brave and strong! I hope you realize that, and never forget it, no matter how a guy may treat you. You deserve the best!!!! I have had horrible relationships with guys, never abusive, but just not good. Lori has been more lucky.

    HUGS!

  15. I’m lucky not to have had this experience. What I hear though, in your words, is strength. You go girl for posting this and demanding the life you deserve 🙂
    Happy belated Valentine’s day! I was watching californiacation yesterday and missing LA, thought of you!
    Meri

  16. GREAT metaphor and I’m glad you didn’t take down this post.

    All of my earlier relationships had a lot of jealousy and mistrust. Probably from being from a broken family. But thankfully, Derek was the first and only person with whom it was never an issue. I knew within a week of dating that we would get married. I was lucky. I truly believe that if I hadn’t met him, I’d still be single.

    And one day, you’ll be ready for a new boy. A really nice one too.

  17. Pingback: Beyond the obvious | G(r)eek Melie

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