Apple Cheddar Muffins and “Cheesy” Pick-Ups

You know those really moving, thoughtful, and beautifully written posts?

Well, this isn’t one.

I’m a little on edge lately. Aside from the usual work, taking care of my dad, and trying to stay somewhat sane, I have jury duty next month, on Valentines day.

I suppose this is no biggie since I’m not attached, but I like most people, I kinda don’t want to drag myself to downtown LA (a good 45 min drive from where a live if traffic is mild) and sit and wait. Two years ago, I was fresh out of treatment and I got a jury duty notice but had my therapist sign a note saying….well I’m not sure what it said but I begged her to write one that would convince them I was too mentally unstable. I came in to the courthouse at the ass crack of dawn, wore my most slimming outfit (to look even skinnier than I already am), didnt brush my hair and put extra pale foundation to look sickly and hungry. I handed my note, and within twenty minuets, I was excused.

This time, it won’t be so easy. So I really have to go and serve if I get chosen. C’est la Vie.

So since my valentines day will be rather crummy, and since my recipe is “cheesy” I thought I’d write out the cheesiest pick-up lines and my responses to them if anyone dare use them on me.

10) Did you fart? Because you blew me away! Yes, I farted. Girls fart, nuns fart, the queen of England farts, we all do it. If I blew you away, why are you still here? Obviously, I didn’t fart hard enough. Pass the chili.

9) How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Unfertilized

8 ) Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink? No, I think you need a plastic surgeon or a mask.

7) Let’s make like fabric softner and snuggle Why dont you make like a bear and hibernate

6) If I could see you naked, I’d die happy If I could see you naked, I’d die laughing

5) If you were a booger, I’d pick you Good thing I’m not a booger.

4) You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche. Your Porsche must be a piece of shit

3) That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed I’m sorry, I dont speak herpes

2)Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living? I’m a female impersonator

1) Your legs must be tired, because you’ve been running in my mind 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

 

Have any snappy quips and cheesy lines to share?

Heres a cheesy recipes, that won’t send anybody running!

3 tbs sugar or fake sugar of choice
2 large eggs
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (for gluten free version, use 1/2 cup extra oats and 1 cup cornmeal)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 c oatmeal
2/3 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 large apple (I used fuji, but a golden delicious might work better)
3/4 cup milk
1/4 cup butter, melted

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Prep all your ingredients. Peel and dice your apples, melt you butter, and measure out all your dry ingredients. Whisk together the eggs, sugar, and milk. Let the melted butter cool a little, and then add it in to the egg/milk mixture (you dont want to cook your eggs, so after I melted my butter, I put in in the fridge for a little bit). Add you apples, then the cheese, and then the rest of the dry ingredients. Grease 12 muffin tins and fill each two-thirds full of batter. An ice cream scoop helps! Bake for about 25 minutes or until golden.

How do you like dem apples?

Cheesy in the best sense of the word