Apple Cheddar Muffins and “Cheesy” Pick-Ups

You know those really moving, thoughtful, and beautifully written posts?

Well, this isn’t one.

I’m a little on edge lately. Aside from the usual work, taking care of my dad, and trying to stay somewhat sane, I have jury duty next month, on Valentines day.

I suppose this is no biggie since I’m not attached, but I like most people, I kinda don’t want to drag myself to downtown LA (a good 45 min drive from where a live if traffic is mild) and sit and wait. Two years ago, I was fresh out of treatment and I got a jury duty notice but had my therapist sign a note saying….well I’m not sure what it said but I begged her to write one that would convince them I was too mentally unstable. I came in to the courthouse at the ass crack of dawn, wore my most slimming outfit (to look even skinnier than I already am), didnt brush my hair and put extra pale foundation to look sickly and hungry. I handed my note, and within twenty minuets, I was excused.

This time, it won’t be so easy. So I really have to go and serve if I get chosen. C’est la Vie.

So since my valentines day will be rather crummy, and since my recipe is “cheesy” I thought I’d write out the cheesiest pick-up lines and my responses to them if anyone dare use them on me.

10) Did you fart? Because you blew me away! Yes, I farted. Girls fart, nuns fart, the queen of England farts, we all do it. If I blew you away, why are you still here? Obviously, I didn’t fart hard enough. Pass the chili.

9) How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Unfertilized

8 ) Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink? No, I think you need a plastic surgeon or a mask.

7) Let’s make like fabric softner and snuggle Why dont you make like a bear and hibernate

6) If I could see you naked, I’d die happy If I could see you naked, I’d die laughing

5) If you were a booger, I’d pick you Good thing I’m not a booger.

4) You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche. Your Porsche must be a piece of shit

3) That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed I’m sorry, I dont speak herpes

2)Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living? I’m a female impersonator

1) Your legs must be tired, because you’ve been running in my mind 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

 

Have any snappy quips and cheesy lines to share?

Heres a cheesy recipes, that won’t send anybody running!



3 tbs sugar or fake sugar of choice
2 large eggs
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (for gluten free version, use 1/2 cup extra oats and 1 cup cornmeal)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 c oatmeal
2/3 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 large apple (I used fuji, but a golden delicious might work better)
3/4 cup milk
1/4 cup butter, melted

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Prep all your ingredients. Peel and dice your apples, melt you butter, and measure out all your dry ingredients. Whisk together the eggs, sugar, and milk. Let the melted butter cool a little, and then add it in to the egg/milk mixture (you dont want to cook your eggs, so after I melted my butter, I put in in the fridge for a little bit). Add you apples, then the cheese, and then the rest of the dry ingredients. Grease 12 muffin tins and fill each two-thirds full of batter. An ice cream scoop helps! Bake for about 25 minutes or until golden.

How do you like dem apples?

Cheesy in the best sense of the word

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28 thoughts on “Apple Cheddar Muffins and “Cheesy” Pick-Ups

  1. I feel lame, as I don’t get cheesy pick-up lines. Then again, considering I spend my weeknights at an old people’s home, that’s probably a good thing. I’m not saying there’s not any action, but it’s not that impressive 😉

    As for jury duty, you know my experience. It’s not that bad if you bring a book or computer or something. Considering you’re in LA, it could be really interesting! Maybe Charlie Sheen will be your case or something.

  2. Yipes, I feel you on not wanting to go to DT LA for jury duty. I was there about a year ago, but luckily I got excused at the end of my first day there because they never called me, haha. I really lucked out. Bring a good book 🙂

  3. Those biscuits look great, but I’m not sure about the whole apple/cheese combo. I’ve seen people eat string cheese (and other cheeses) with apples and I just can’t wrap that combo around my brain. I won’t knock it til I try it, but they just seems like strange things to put together.

    I had jury duty TWICE in the past year. First, was city court and I didn’t get chosen. Then the other one was at our big county courthouse. I didn’t get picked and thank god I didn’t. It was to determine the punishment of this guys murder case. Ugh! My best advice is to keep looking at your watch when the lawyers are looking at you (look impatient!) and not make much eye contact. Also, if you can help it, sit in the back. They usually try to go after the first couple rows.

  4. I love those lines and your responses! Esp the booger one! 🙂

    I have heard the Sweet Thing packet one. The guy dropped the sugar packet and says “You dropped your name tag.”

    I feel like vomiting just writing this.

  5. I’ve never gotten hit on with a cheesy line, is that weird? The ones you listed crack me up! I may test out a few myself for shits and giggles.

  6. “I’m sorry, I don’t speak herpes” – possibly the most genius comeback to cheese ever!

    I’d love to have the nerve to say, to a really arrogant chatting-up bloke, “do you want to dance?” if he said yes, “off you go then, I want to talk to your mate” 🙂

  7. I just read all these lines to my husband. I think the first one worked. haha! And the jury duty thing sucks, I know. I actually pulled the crying self employed crap. It kinda worked!
    LC

  8. Ew. Cheesy lines make me want to barf. “Do your feet hurt? Did you fall from heaven? Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day?” HORRIBLE! I seriously would punch someone if they used one of these lines on me. I really love your responses.

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