Whole Wheat Rosemary Focaccia and The “No Patience” List

“I’m lactose-intolerant. I have no patience for lactose and I won’t stand for it!”

-Jerry Seinfeld

Wise man that Jerry.

I lack patience for not only lactose, but a long laundry list of things. Am I just irritable and bitter?

I know…… this really goes well with my image as a vegan, eco-friendly, yoga instructor. But as most of you know, I am none of those (except for yoga instructor).

I tell my dad almost everyday that he needs to have patience for his recovery. But I suppose I’m really one to talk…..

It sucks. I have no patince for some of the silliest things. Lets take a peek:

For dogs to pee: This is silly, but even when I took my dog on a walk as a kid I never liked doing it. She was always slower than me and would stop suddenly to go smell a new bush or whatever. I took the dog I’m dog sitting on a walk the other day and I got that deja vu from my childhood and I couldn’t help but think, “Bitch, pee already!”. That being said with a cute face, I quickly get over it.

-For Sourdough: Its funny, I googled “patince” to see what might come up and I got a bread bakers forum and this man wrote a post how he agonizes about making sourdough bread. You see, sourdough bread needs a “starter” which is a mixture of flour and some water and you let it sit there for a about a week to eleven days. It ferments and is truly the secret to a delicious sourdough loaf. But its like a plant; you need to “re-feed” it water every few days. I suppose I’m impatient about this because it takes me less time to go to Trader Joes and buy a sourdough loaf. Anyhow, I’m glad I’m not alone on the whole impatient sourdough thing. (PS, if you had no clue what a start is, dont feel bad, I only know this because I had three months of pure baking training within my culinary school).

Stairs: They aren’t fun to go up or down, and see no point anymore. It all reminds me of the “stairway to hell machines at the gym” which give me shivers. I still feel okay about escalators, though….

Crosswords and Word Searches: I tolerate and actually enjoy Scrabble, but I seriously want to pull my hair out when I have a word search or crossword in front of me. They make me feel stupid. Lazy teachers tortured me at school by handing out these and making me feel like I was slow. I now realize I’m not slow, I’m just impateient with them.

-For Seriously Disordered People: Maybe this makes me a bitch but and somewhat of a hypocrite, but its hard for me to witness people very deep into their eating disorders. I suppose I’m mad because I used to be in their shoes and I know this disorder can have a strong gripe, but I suppose frankly, I just have no patience for the disorder itself. I want people to realize what they are doing is hurting them and I know that no matter how much people will try to help, some people will never let go. I have no patience to sit at a table with someone as they eat the parsley off their undressed salad at a snails pace and sip their heavily iced and watered down, sweet n low’ed coffee. Maybe that makes me a bad person, or maybe I just can’t see people deteriorating like I did.

But when all is said in done, there are excpetions to the “patience”. So stay tuned tomorrow as I list the things I am actually patient with.

What are you impatient about? dont be shy! I wanted to list kids on my list but I know many mothers read this blog and might send me hate mail in response.

And instead of sourdough, I will give you an awesome bread recipe that doesn’t require as much patience but tastes like it does! I suppose this is a good recipe for me to tackle to practice my breadmaking patience; I’ll work my way to sourdough one day.

  • 2 cup AP flour
  • 2 cups Whole Wheat flour (not pictured, sorry, I forgot, but I did use it)
  • 1 packet of yeast
  • 2 tbs brown sugar (no fake sugar here! trust me, the carbs wont kill you)
  • 1 cup lukewarm water
  • 2 plus more tbs olive oil
  • rosemary
  • corse salt
  • garlic powder

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees F.

In the bowl of a standing mixer fitted with a dough hook, proof the yeast by combining it with the warm water and sugar. All you people afraid of sugar better buck up because the fake stuff won’t do here. Yeast needs sugar to grow. Dont worry, a little sugar will do ya some good. Stir gently to dissolve and let stand 3 minutes until foam appears. Turn the mixer on low and slowly add the flour to the bowl. Pour in the 2 tbs of olive oil. When the dough starts to come together, increase the speed to medium. Stop the machine periodically to scrape the dough off the hook. Mix until the dough is smooth and elastic, about 5 minutes.Turn the dough out onto a work surface and fold over itself a few times. Form the dough into a round and place in an oiled bowl, turn to coat the entire ball with oil so it doesn’t form a skin. Cover with plastic wrap or damp towel and let rise over a gas pilot light on the stovetop or other warm place until doubled in size, about 45 minutes. (yep, you will need the patience to be inserted at this time!)

Once the dough is doubled, turn it out onto the counter. Roll and stretch the dough out to an oblong shape about 1/2-inch thick. Lay the flattened dough on a greased pan and let rest for 15 minutes. (once again, patience should be inserted here as well). Dimple with your fingertips and brush it with more olive oil, sprikle with salt, rosemary and garlic powder.

ewww, ugly hands of mine!

Bake on the bottom rack for 15-20 min or until golden.

Yes, patience is required…….

But SO worth it!


38 thoughts on “Whole Wheat Rosemary Focaccia and The “No Patience” List

  1. I have no patience for:

    1) Screaming kids (There, I said it, so sue me!).
    2) Ladies who spend hours in the only public bathroom stall left (seriously, just pee, shake, and be done with it for god’s sake!!!)
    3) My friends who still don’t dare to drive the highway because it’s scary (Fine, but don’t keep asking my brother to be your personal chauffeur!)
    4) Lovey-dovey-ga-ga couples (I wanna puke in their lovey-dovey sundae)
    5) Carbphobic dieters
    6) Bullshitters
    7) Bad bread. Or sandwiches with too much bread.
    8) People who uses cutesy words like “brekkies” instead of breakfast or “choccies” instead of chocolate
    9) Eating disordered individuals who use veganism or whatever restrictive diets as an excuse to restrict
    10) Taxes. Financial documents. Any kind of paper work that has to do with money that is NOT money.

  2. Call me a product of the “digital age,” but I have no patience for single-tasking a lot of times. Also, talking on the phone, I despise it. Oh, and long-winded story tellers. Cut to the chase already.

    Now that you mention it, I have no patience for baking in general. Period. Cooking is great, baking not so much. I’d rather buy mine from the co-op too. Or drop hints to my mama πŸ™‚

  3. I’m extremely impatient when it comes to the goals I set for myself – I try to accomplish too much at once, and in a hurry, and then I just end up stressing myself out. I’m working on it though πŸ˜‰

  4. What I have absolutely no patience for is when people are shopping the frozen food isle with the doors OPEN. It makes the glass all foggy so that I can’t window shop for veggies when they are finished. I’m forced to shop with the door wide open. That’s why I always bundle up when I go grocery shopping. Keep the doors closed!

  5. I agree with everyone’s additions, and considering the weather today, I will add winter in general. But specifically, stupid people that live in Michigan and still act like they’ve never driven in snow/ice before.

    People that don’t do their job and then freak out and expect you to cater to their sloth.
    People that diet in general. No offense and it sounds bitchy, but I have no patience for those trying to use food as a virtuous tool–especially ED people. It bores me. To death.
    Chit chat.
    Make-up and hair.
    De-boarding a plane.
    The last couple minutes of savasana doing a yoga DVD.
    Movies longer than 90 minutes.
    Waiting for things to cool before I eat or frost them.
    As you can tell, I have patience issues πŸ˜‰

  6. Oh yummy focaccia. Let’s see….I’m very impatient so my list could go on for days πŸ˜‰ I definitely have no patience for arrogant assholes, for rude people, for sheer stupidity, for tailgaters, or for those who complain about being overweight but won’t get off their butts to do anything about it.

  7. I didn’t realize sourdough took so long to make! Sheesh!

    Working with children and the elderly has taught me a LOT about patience but one thing that I cannot stand is the person who stands in the middle of the aisle at a store with their huge shopping cart and is oblivious to the people around them trying to get things themselves. Umm, hello?!

  8. I have zero patience for slow drivers (yes I need road rage anonymous!) especially in parking garages!
    I also have zero patience for these automated computer systems when you call a company and just want to speak to a person. I immediately start pressing “0” as soon as a computer answers so it will get confused and transfer me!!

  9. I am so impatient when I want to go to bed! Seriously, I go crazy when people are making noises, and I am tired and want to sleep! I am also totally impatient when people don’t listen or act like idiots. I mean seriously, get over it and get to work!

  10. I think my meanest thoughts when someone is walking in front of me slowly and I can’t get past. As a fast walker, I have no patience for this, and I’m always surprised by how angry it makes me!

    Also people who don’t let you past them on the escalator. Oof.

  11. ok first of all…i want that bread

    second of all i would have to say
    -SLOW WALKERS: I walk fast in the hallways, on the streets, its just my nature to always pick up my pace, so when I get behind a slow walker and awkwardly try to pass but can’t I get so frustrated!!

    -close minded people: I will not have a conversation more than 3 min long if I am talking to someone who is so stuck in their ways, and not willing to embrace, or hear someone elses story. The truth is-we are all different and it makes the world go around…I love hearing what people are into, their hobbies etc…closeminded people need not apply!

  12. I have no patience for:
    1) slow drivers in the left lane, nuf said
    2) when I hold the door or elevator for you, HURRY UP- I didn’t have to hold it for you, you know
    3) waiting longer than 5-10 minutes at the dr’s office. how does this happen when I schedule it intentionally to be the first patient of the day??
    4) people taking their time at the gas pump KNOWING I’m waiting on them. they get ‘the glare’ if they look up and acknowlege they aren’t the only beings in existance
    5) when the light turns green, that means GO

    I could go on for hours. I am the queen of inpatience I guess..lol

  13. I think I might have become far more patience since I had my kids. I used to be completely intolerant of things, like most of the above comments. My Kids screaming in stores has taught me patience. Let me explain. My oldest is 2 1/2 while his mastery of speech is amazing when he gets angry like most of us he can’t seem to find the words he is looking for to express himself. I have learned that if I calm down and talk him through it we can both come to a resolve we are both happy with. This gift he gave me is awesome. I now try to take a breath each time I start to feel my blood start to boil.

    That being said their is something I just can’t get past and that is people who live in the past and tell you about it every chance they get. Each of us had things happen in our live that have shaped us into who we are today. Move on!!!!!! My Mom died, I have a heart condition, I had 2 c-section and one more to fallow. What I do now is shaped by thoughs things but they are not the cause of what I do. I don’t feel the need to tell people every time I see them about my past and blame my past on them.

    Sorry I rambled. It just pisses me off.

  14. I am a totally IMpatient person as well when it comes to some…okay, MOST things. I hate walking behind people who walk slowly or who stop every five minutes causing you to have to bump into them constantly. Kind of like the dog. But PEOPLE. PEOPLE who supposedly have COMMON SENSE. ARRGH.

    I am impatient when it comes to my parents. No matter what it is they are doing. I am impatient about it. (we have kind of a love/hate thing going on). And truly oh so many more. But I wouldn’t want to bore you πŸ˜›

  15. Oh, there are way too many things that I can list!! Some would be repeats of the above such as, SLOW WALKERS! But my little brother has taught me to have a lot more patience. Kids don’t know the meaning of “no” and “stop” very well yet, so what can you do?! Haha!

    Also slow internet connections πŸ™‚

  16. I often get impatient (inside, not showing) when waiting for other people finish thinking. I know this sounds arrogant, but I’ve waited 95 % of my time in school for other people to finish thinking, and I can’t help it, but this is how it is. I never mention it, though.

  17. I have zero patience for slow walkers, slow drivers, screaming children (the shreik of a child makes all the hair on my neck stand up), and people who don’t listen.

  18. ugh i have no patience for my dog when he pees and for my dad when he stands in my way trying to make his damn coffee in the morning when i’m trying to beast out of the door and get to work on time. i also have no patience for the 1,000 questions that you are asked by credit card customer servicers

  19. I am so with you on the impatience for dogs to pee. I lived in an apartment for about 6 months where I had to walk my dogs and it was misery for both them and me. They never had to be walked before and didn’t know what to do, and I hated walking around waiting for them to do their thing.

    I actually JUST mixed up some sourdough starter before reading this. It’ll be a test of my patience, and I have a feeling it won’t work, but it’ll be interesting to try.

    I have no patience for
    1. Bad grammar (it’s awful in Missouri “you’ins” “ain’t” “I seen you”. It makes me cringe)
    2. Fidgeting (leg shaking, finger tapping, nail biting)
    3. Poor table manners (No one should see or hear your food as you’re eating/drinking)
    4. Single-word texts
    5. People who allow their children to run all over the restaurant where I work. Especially when said people are coworkers who also complain about parents allowing their children to run all over the dining room, then proceed to allow their own children to run all around the dining room.
    6. Myself. Seriously, I’m really impatient and easily annoyed, so I annoy myself with it.

    And I’m really excited to try this recipe!

  20. Oh geeze, I could go on forever about patience. You don’t want to see me drive. I think my biggest would be standing in line at the grocery store and the person in front of me pulls out a check to pay. Seriously, a check? that was so 1990’s. haha, I know I am shallow.
    I’m workin on it!

  21. I have little patience, period. But I find myself most upset when people talk to me *only* because they want or need something. Or because they feel like we should be friends (like a coworker). I also hate waiting in line to pee. And people who take up an entire aisle in the grocery with their cart.

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