“I’m lactose-intolerant. I have no patience for lactose and I won’t stand for it!”
Wise man that Jerry.
I lack patience for not only lactose, but a long laundry list of things. Am I just irritable and bitter?
I know…… this really goes well with my image as a vegan, eco-friendly, yoga instructor. But as most of you know, I am none of those (except for yoga instructor).
I tell my dad almost everyday that he needs to have patience for his recovery. But I suppose I’m really one to talk…..
It sucks. I have no patince for some of the silliest things. Lets take a peek:
–For dogs to pee: This is silly, but even when I took my dog on a walk as a kid I never liked doing it. She was always slower than me and would stop suddenly to go smell a new bush or whatever. I took the dog I’m dog sitting on a walk the other day and I got that deja vu from my childhood and I couldn’t help but think, “Bitch, pee already!”. That being said with a cute face, I quickly get over it.
-For Sourdough: Its funny, I googled “patince” to see what might come up and I got a bread bakers forum and this man wrote a post how he agonizes about making sourdough bread. You see, sourdough bread needs a “starter” which is a mixture of flour and some water and you let it sit there for a about a week to eleven days. It ferments and is truly the secret to a delicious sourdough loaf. But its like a plant; you need to “re-feed” it water every few days. I suppose I’m impatient about this because it takes me less time to go to Trader Joes and buy a sourdough loaf. Anyhow, I’m glad I’m not alone on the whole impatient sourdough thing. (PS, if you had no clue what a start is, dont feel bad, I only know this because I had three months of pure baking training within my culinary school).
–Stairs: They aren’t fun to go up or down, and see no point anymore. It all reminds me of the “stairway to hell machines at the gym” which give me shivers. I still feel okay about escalators, though….
–Crosswords and Word Searches: I tolerate and actually enjoy Scrabble, but I seriously want to pull my hair out when I have a word search or crossword in front of me. They make me feel stupid. Lazy teachers tortured me at school by handing out these and making me feel like I was slow. I now realize I’m not slow, I’m just impateient with them.
-For Seriously Disordered People: Maybe this makes me a bitch but and somewhat of a hypocrite, but its hard for me to witness people very deep into their eating disorders. I suppose I’m mad because I used to be in their shoes and I know this disorder can have a strong gripe, but I suppose frankly, I just have no patience for the disorder itself. I want people to realize what they are doing is hurting them and I know that no matter how much people will try to help, some people will never let go. I have no patience to sit at a table with someone as they eat the parsley off their undressed salad at a snails pace and sip their heavily iced and watered down, sweet n low’ed coffee. Maybe that makes me a bad person, or maybe I just can’t see people deteriorating like I did.
But when all is said in done, there are excpetions to the “patience”. So stay tuned tomorrow as I list the things I am actually patient with.
What are you impatient about? dont be shy! I wanted to list kids on my list but I know many mothers read this blog and might send me hate mail in response.
And instead of sourdough, I will give you an awesome bread recipe that doesn’t require as much patience but tastes like it does! I suppose this is a good recipe for me to tackle to practice my breadmaking patience; I’ll work my way to sourdough one day.
- 2 cup AP flour
- 2 cups Whole Wheat flour (not pictured, sorry, I forgot, but I did use it)
- 1 packet of yeast
- 2 tbs brown sugar (no fake sugar here! trust me, the carbs wont kill you)
- 1 cup lukewarm water
- 2 plus more tbs olive oil
- corse salt
- garlic powder
In the bowl of a standing mixer fitted with a dough hook, proof the yeast by combining it with the warm water and sugar. All you people afraid of sugar better buck up because the fake stuff won’t do here. Yeast needs sugar to grow. Dont worry, a little sugar will do ya some good. Stir gently to dissolve and let stand 3 minutes until foam appears. Turn the mixer on low and slowly add the flour to the bowl. Pour in the 2 tbs of olive oil. When the dough starts to come together, increase the speed to medium. Stop the machine periodically to scrape the dough off the hook. Mix until the dough is smooth and elastic, about 5 minutes.Turn the dough out onto a work surface and fold over itself a few times. Form the dough into a round and place in an oiled bowl, turn to coat the entire ball with oil so it doesn’t form a skin. Cover with plastic wrap or damp towel and let rise over a gas pilot light on the stovetop or other warm place until doubled in size, about 45 minutes. (yep, you will need the patience to be inserted at this time!)
Once the dough is doubled, turn it out onto the counter. Roll and stretch the dough out to an oblong shape about 1/2-inch thick. Lay the flattened dough on a greased pan and let rest for 15 minutes. (once again, patience should be inserted here as well). Dimple with your fingertips and brush it with more olive oil, sprikle with salt, rosemary and garlic powder.
Bake on the bottom rack for 15-20 min or until golden.
But SO worth it!