What do Jews do for Christmas???
This is a seemingly age-old question.
Well, I can’t speak for Muslims, atheists, or other groups that don’t celebrate the holiday, but I can speak for [some] Jewish people, since I am one.
Sure, the rest of the world, or at least our world, celebrates this holiday, and we are bombarded by the media so we don’t forget that fact. What DO jews do? I thought I’d write a list (not a naughty/nice list, although some things are naughty…)
1. Buy next year’s Hanukkah cards at a discount (and we Jews LOVE our discounts!)
2. Think of non-Jewish versions of their last names (mine already sounds non-jewish, so I skip this step)
3. Say “Ya know, he’s Jewish!” about someone famous (Natalie Portman, Jon Stewart, Jason Segel, Chelsea Handler, Alicia Silverstone, Seth Green….just to name a few)
4. On that note, wonder if the dog is Jewish
5. Offer more food while simultaneously telling your kids how fat they are.
6. Ask relatives/parents where your gifts are insisting that underwear and pens don’t count
7. Go with “tradition” and eat chinese. If 75% percent of the body is made up of water, for Jews at least, the other 25% is made up of lo mein, egg rolls, and duck sauce.
8. Stay in and save money 😉
9. Feel especially guilty
10. Meet other Jewish singles (seriously, there is a Jewish mixer called the “Matzah Ball” in Manhattan on the 25th!). I’m assuming this leads to a few “silent one night stands”.
So since they were out of turkey at the store, I made turkey meatloaf. And since my dad’s pantry was barren of traditional turkey meatload essentials, I made do with what we had (and irnoically enough, it had an asian flair, you know, for us jews):
-1.25 lbs of ground turkey
-chopped green onion
-about 2tbs grated ginger
-1 tbs garlic or garlic powder
-1 tbs chinese five spice
-2 tbs soy sauce
place in a loaf pan and bake at 350 for 35 min. Once its ready, let it rest for another ten and then proceed to slice and serve, to all faiths 😉