Its not secret that I’m a Jew (and not a stereotypical “JAP”, I’m of the frugal breed).
Hence, I’m pretty sure Santa never pays me a visit, regardless of my list of things I would like.
But as I was driving today, indulging in one of my painkillers, NPR, I heard about syndicated columnist Amy Dickenson of the Chicago Tribune. Last month, she set up a Twitter account called “santahatesme“. She encouraged readers to write in with the worst gifts they have ever gotten – and despite the ‘Santa’ label, she was looking for ANY gift, from birthdays to anniversaries and so on. There were some amazingly bad gifts noted on the list.
Somehow, year after year, we get clueless, of the wall and confusing presents, sometimes so strange, so off-putting, you begin to question the entire relationship. Im not just talking about “re-gifting”, I’m talking complete weirdo and even used gifts. Here are some of my favorites I found on the twitter page:
-Half a tube of toothpaste with a Star Wars figurine in a brown paper bag (classy!)
-a velvet Dachshund wiener dog wrapped in a hotdog bun
-hotel shampoo and conditioner (lets hope didn’t stay in a motel)
-a plush-toy “PhartEphant,” a stuffed elephant that makes certain, uh, noises when you squeeze it
Ok, so after reading all this, I decided to come up with a gifting Do’s and Don’t’s
-Dont give anybody anything that poops, unless you KNOW they want and can handle an animal. At least for the animal’s sake, just DON’T.
-Show “some” effort. I rather get no gift than something that someone just put no effort what so ever in. “Used” gifts come to mind.
-No monograms. For example, someone wrote in, “my mother-in-law gave me a monogram sweater. Unfortunately, it was the initials of my husband’s girlfriend. That’s how I found out about it and she is now my ex mother-in-law.” Anyhow, monograms can land you in hot water….and nothing beats being broken up over a via sweater.
-No photos…..of the giver. Yea, ummmm….enough said.
-No joke gifts. Sure, they can be funny and I can appreciate a good laugh. But you always need to give a “real” gift to follow up.
-Never do “halfsies”. I have a problem with “half” of things in general, and half of a gift (be it toothpaste of a half knit sweater) screams “I totally forgot to get you something”.
If all else fails, just listen to this Family Guy song for some handy gifts: