Thanks for Being My Medicine

I hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving.

Again, I’m not gonna try to BS you and this blog is one of the few things preserving my sanity right now so I will fill you in on whats going on.

With my dad, not much has changed. No worse or better, but at least stable and under heavy watch. There is a big clot on the left side of his brain but its a very delicate region so they dont want to opporate unless the absolutly need too. Since there has been no major change in the clot, they are hoping to wait it out so that the swelling will go down on its own without surgery.

What does that mean? A few days in a horrible limbo. I’m not sure if its better, I dont know if its worse, I dont know what to expect, all of my dad’s family and friend are calling me. Its weird.

The worst part is when I can see my dad frustrated that he can’t remember names. I’m beyond elated he knows mine, but his short term memory is not great.

Today I did no activity. Very rare for me as I’ll usually be active in some way or another. But I can’t think about going into downdog or running and even walking back to my car from the hospital seemed irritating. Everything seems annoying, even reading blogs (so if you dont see me comment, don’t get offended, but its hard to read all of your guys’ fabulous thanksgiving recaps when mine was spent with tea in an ICU).

But I will try tomorrow to go to a yoga class in the morning to help quiet my mind. I didn’t want to go, but my dad’s girlfriend wanted me to engage in something that might ease my anxiety. I’ll give it a go. Just like prayers, it can’t hurt.

And a big ass thank you to all of your prayers and support. I’m so ashamed if I’ve ever doubted the blog community in anyway. You guys are amazing and you guys help me tick in this rough time. I have no plans to stop blogging, and no matter what happens, I will continue my usual shenangigans and recipes. But for now, I need to get this out. You guys are the best medicine for me right now. And lord knows, my own brain needs to be relieved. So thanks, and I’ll be sure to update you.

24 thoughts on “Thanks for Being My Medicine

  1. Please update, text, whatever you need. I have eyes and ears that work super well. I am so happy to see you blogging with everything that is going on. Hope you enjoy yoga and are able to relax a bit.

  2. Omg Eden. I am sooo very, very, very sorry for this!

    Just the other day you left me a comment per you mom’s passing and it being hard around the holidays and I had intended to write you back but just decided to pop over here and comment you. And then I read about your dad.

    Omg I have no words to express how sorry I am and if there is anything I can do in terms of a shoulder, a sounding board, venting, crying, whatever it is, please know I am here to support you!

    Do not comment on blogs, read blogs, bother with your own blog…unless any of that brings you comfort or joy. I can’t really imagine it would, but everyone will understand, my god.

    It makes every single trivial thing in life vanish when I read things like this. I am so sorry, Eden. You are in my prayers!


  3. Your still in my thoughts and prayers Eden. I desperately hope your father pulls through! I’m so glad to see that you are reaching out through your blog… You need to do whatever you need to do to help ease your mind. I’m sure your dad is so grateful to have you by his side.

  4. I wish I could fly out to LA right now but I am sure dad was VERY thankful to have you by his side yesterday. Take some time today to breathe and know we are ALL here for you.
    Much love,

  5. Oh honey, I just read about your dad. I’m sending all the positive energy and prayers I have your way. Taking a moment to clear your mind today can only be a good thing. So much love to you and your family!

  6. I was a bit behind on blogs and just read this and your last post…I am SO sorry that this happened, really no one deserves to have to see a loved one go through something like that. Definitely sending positive thoughts your way. Hang in there and take good care of yourself. So glad to hear that your dad is at least stable, hopefully they will have more clear answers for you soon.
    Major hugs,

  7. I’m so sorry that all of this is going on. It can be hard this time of year anyways, but I can’t imagine what you are going through. But you’re right – prayers can’t hurt, yoga can’t hurt. And sometimes it just comes down to making it through each day. I’m so so sorry Eden and I am keeping you in my thoughts.

  8. a big ass hug to you today.

    our faith is always there for us when we realize how much we need it…

    God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. –Psalm 46:1-2

  9. Eden, i am so so so sorry.
    Please do your best to try to take care of yourself right now.
    Whether that means doing yoga, not doing yoga, watching movies, communicating with friends or being a hermit, please just do what YOU need, and withhold any kind of judgement about what that is.
    You’re right, just keep breathing and taking it moment by moment right now.
    Clearly, you are being sent so much love.
    You and your father are in my thoughts. times like this i wish it was possible to just send STRENGTH and hugs via internet comments.
    praying for you.

  10. I’ve been reading your blog for awhile, and it’s great. You yourself seem great. And I’m really, really sorry that you’re having to deal with this right now, because it totally sucks. It’s so hard to watch someone you love suffer.

    Things *will* get better, though. It may be in a few hours or a few years, but everything will eventually be okay.

    I’ll definitely be praying for you and your dad.

  11. Thinking of you and your dad, Eden. My mother lost her own mom when she was only 8, so I know how important her father and later, stepmom, were to her… I have a really good feeling about your dad, though–I feel he will pull through and be fine. He sounds so strong and determined, and clearly you got your own strength from him.
    Sending positive and loving vibes your way, and here’s hoping some gentle yoga might revitalize you a bit today.

  12. You know my deal. I don’t get mushy, but you make me mushy and all “friendy.” That’s not a bad thing. I can’t tell you anything you don’t know–you know he would want you to take some time for you to reconnect and relax. It does him no good to have a hungry, cranky, tired Eden 😉 Do what you do and trust the process–for both of you.

    Love ya.

    P.S. One upside–any hot doctors roaming the hallways?

  13. hey girl my thoughts and prayers are with you and your papa. i know how much he means to you and your love for him will keep him strong. much love being sent your way ❤

  14. I’m so happy your dad is in stable condition right now! Don’t worry about commenting or reading other blogs, just do what you need to do to find a bit of peace and make this time in your life a little easier. No matter what happens, don’t forget to keep nurturing yourself. ❤

    • He’s stable, but not much better (or worse). It sucks cause I’m in major limbo right now. And he actually gives me a lot of motivation to take care of myself, because the last thing I want him doing right now is worrying about ME. Thanks for the encouragement and support!

  15. Still sending cyberhugs to you and many prayers for your Dad(Abba). I am glad to read you are taking care of yourself so that he doesn’t worry – that is such great motivation! I know he is proud of his “kookie”!! Thanks for the update!

  16. Oh Eden, I”m so sorry! I’m glad to hear he’s stable though and hopefully things improve soon. Do whatever you need to do and take care of yourself, whether that’s yoga, or not doing anything at all, talking to people, or staying quiet. You know yourself best and you deserve and need to do that for yourself right now.
    I know he’s in great hands, and I think it says a lot and is so heartwarming that he knows your name, no father could forget you! I’m sure he’ll soon remember more, so hang in there!
    Your blog has always been such a huge support and inspiration for me, so if I can do anything at all, or if you just need an ear or virtual hugs, just let me know!!
    You’re in my thoughts and prayers!

  17. Eden, I am praying for you and your dad… Know thy the brain is incredibly resilient (my mom’s experience was also with the left frontal lobe) and keep taking care of you to take care of him

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