Persimmon Muffins and A Thank You Letter to (Gasp) My Eating Disorder

Hey readers and lurkers (and lurkers, why dont you delurk every once in a while).

Ok, so I’m back with the “thank you letters” but I’m seriously thinking they are kinda unpopular among readers so I’m only doing two Why two? Well, because I really need to get these last two out there. The first of the two that I will present to you today is a thank you letter to my eating disorder. Yep, gasp if you need to. Here goes nothing:

Dear Eden’s Eating Disorder,

What’s happenin hot stuff? Actually, you are not very hot at all, in fact you lack so much body fat that even in 86 degree weather you complain of being chilly. Anyhow, I know I am not the best of friends with you at the moment (and I’m not trying to make amends here, dont get too excited), but I need to once and for all thank you in order to truly let go of you for good.

Thanks. Thanks for killing time when everything bored my to death. You gave my mind something to think about, something to calculate, something to criticize, and something to occupy the emptiness I had. I was depeleted after my mom passed away, and you filled that space. You became my “stress ball” and my best friend. Instead of drugs or alcohol, I chose you. Not that you were the healthiest choice, but quiet possibly the cheapest compared to the going rate of cigarrettes and drugs these days. You saved me money when I got things at half price because they were from the children’s department. And perhaps you didn’t cause me to drunk dial anyone and totally embarrass myself.

You did serve me. Maybe I needed you. I needed something, anything to fill that emptiness, that hunger. And you seemed to keep me functioning. You got me through high school, college, even culinary school (I even think you pushed me to go there!). Yes, I think that if you had not been around, I would have not had such an obsession with food and feeding everyone and hence I otherwise probably would have not gone to culinary school.

Ok, but enough stroking you ego. Like I said, I’m not here to be friends again.

Because lets face it bud, you ruined my relationship with food. You caused me to feel anxious about certain foods and dictating rules about which foods were “good” and “bad” and how often I could eat them. You convinced me to punish myself when I broke your rules, and you even forbade me from eating my favorite fruit. You made me forget how to eat normally. You depleted me of my natural enthusiasm and optimism and caused me to isolate myself from my family and friends. You made me forfeit birthday parties, girls nights out, and even chance to travel because you didn’t want to me to eat certain foods and you told me I needed to exercise. You took away my sense of humor and instead made me sad and hopeless. What a crazy bitch you were! Sure, you got me jeans or whatever from Gap kids, but doesn’t take a genius to realize that without a functioning heart there would be no one to even put on the jeans. ED, you don’t make any sense, and I’m sick of it so take your jeans back. I’m not a kid anymore and I haven’t been for a long time.

Therefore ED, as hard as this may be, this is probably the last you’ll hear from me and  I hope I never hear from you again. If you try to contact me, I will be busy living the life I deserve and have no time for you. I won’t “friend” you on facebook, follow you on twitter, or even answer a text. I plan on deleting you for good. C’ya, and wouldn’t want to be ya!

With sincere hatred,

Eden

And now, on to some more Thanksgiving recipes. I’m actually not to excited about thanksgiving this year. I feel it will be very blah. Lots of people my dad’s age, my roommate, and the dog we are sitting that weekend for. Anyhow, I have the whole week off from work so I’m testing some recipes. These were a good, they just might end up on the menu. The following recipe make about 14 mini (and yes, they are teeny) muffins, so maybe double it up if your planing to make this for a hungry crowd.

-1/2 cup oat bran

-1/4 cup oatmeal

-1 tbs honey or agave

-1/4 cup soy/almond milk (or regular milk)

-1 tbs flaxmeal

-1/2 tsp baking powder

-2 tbs canola oil

-1 persimmon, diced into small chunks

Mix the dry and wet ingredients and then add the chunks of persimmon. Spoon into mini muffin tins (or just polp them like a cookie). Bake at 400 degrees for about 30 minuets or until golden.

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21 thoughts on “Persimmon Muffins and A Thank You Letter to (Gasp) My Eating Disorder

  1. I really love this letter, Eden. I love that you are thankful for going through your ed and that you also realize that being kid size is not healthy for you. You deserve to grow and to nourish yourself with food and experiences. It is so hard to completely let go of something that you know took care of a part of you for so long. I think I want some type of stuffed animal that can be created to “replace” the ed I want to take comfort in. Something that I can hug or punch, whatever the need is at the time!

  2. My fave part of your letter: “Therefore ED, as hard as this may be, this is probably the last you’ll hear from me and I hope I never hear from you again. If you try to contact me, I will be busy living the life I deserve and have no time for you. I won’t “friend” you on facebook, follow you on twitter, or even answer a text. I plan on deleting you for good. C’ya, and wouldn’t want to be ya!

    With sincere hatred,
    Eden”

    I like the signature to ED. With sincere hatred. And that you are DONE with it, forever.

    I also like those persimmon muffins. Did you save some for me? ;-p

  3. Wonderful letter.
    I’ve never considered using persimmons to make muffins — what a great idea. I wonder if I could use the softer ones, if you know the ones I’m talking about that are more oval shaped. My grandma just gave my mom a buncha those.

  4. You said it much more eloquently that I would have, seeing as I probably would have just sent an F-you text and turned my phone off. Then again, who are we kidding? I’m prone to overwriting…like this comment.

    I like mini things for some reason (not ED-related, mind you.) I made mini cupcakes the other day and were told they were popably addictive–something I assume applies to your recipe as well. Wish I could be there to sample!

  5. Girl it’s your blog and you can write letters until the cows come home if that’s what you choose! I think it’s great that you can have a sense of humor still about things that might be very serious. You’re being open, honest and that’s what is so great!

  6. This was beautiful Eden.. ! I love how you always manage to be so honest and sincere, but still manage to add that little spark of blunt humour of yours 😉 I also think it’s really important to appreciate eating disorders in a way, because much like you I wouldn’t be the person that I am without my disordered past.
    Thank you Eden, for recovering and making your way to this blogging community. I am so grateful to have crossed your path!

  7. Great letter! It is a good thing that we can all learn and help others who suffer with eating disorders because many people still suffer. And hopefully with more people becoming aware of their issue we can all learn to love food and appreciate our bodies again 😉

    And BTW muffins look great!!!

  8. Only two more letters? I love them, and this one was the best yet. So nice to recognize all sides of your eating disorder, why it happened, and what it did for you. In the same way that we’ve got to respect ourselves, it’s good to respect things that happened, awful as they were, and move on. But you said it better, with the most beautiful sincere hatred.

  9. I love persimmon, and have been eating copious amounts as of late! Great way to incorporate it into muffins! Love this idea! They also make a fantastic coulee, reduction, relish type sauce!

  10. I love persimmon, and have been eating copious amounts as of late! Great way to incorporate it into muffins! Love this idea! They also make a fantastic coulis, reduction, relish type sauce!

  11. I have tried to write a letter to my ED in the past, but I was always writing the letter because it was a requirement for treatment. Now that I am in the best place I have ever been, I think I might try to write it again. I agree that my eating disorder filled a void and made things easier for me during the hardest years of my life, but I am ready to say good bye. I am so ready. I never want to have to go to a childrens store again because all of the clothing stores that I love down have clothes my size. I never want to have people staring at me again because I am so thin that I might break if I make a step. I want to remain a strong and independent woman.
    I hope that you have an amazing Thanksgiving and that you dont let the food affect your time with family and friends!! 🙂

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