ewy gooey
Hey everyone!
I don’t know how to start this post in some brilliant creative manner, so I’ll just be blunt: adults say the darnest things.
You would think that since I work with kids, that I might hear some pretty funny things come out of their mouths. I do, but to be honest, adults have surprised me with their sheer stupidity and they have no excuse because they are way beyond puberty.
I thought I might share with the these examples I speak of:
Location: Yoga Studio where I assist a senior instructor
Darnest Thing Said to me: “Where is your twin?”
My Analysis: Twins actually are prominent in my family (my mom had a twin brother and her twin brother has identical twin sons), but sadly, I am not a twin. I think she simply saw me once and saw me again that day and thought I was two people. I would like this hypothetical twin to go to work for me and do my jury duty. Trouble is, I would need to upkeep my twin so she doesn’t give people the impression I’m a hobo.
My actual response: “I dont have a twin, you must have seen me here twice. I do work here…”
Location: Blind date (from Jdate) at a park
Darnest thing said to me: “I don’t like fat people, they just bring up thoughts of laziness, excess, and being out of control.”
My Analysis: Obviously, I wanted to punch this douche bag in the nuts. This was after I told him I had recently finished an outpatient program for my exercise addiction and eating issues. There was a slightly overweight man jogging in front of us when he proceeded to tell me this insight. And yes, the date ended shortly due to me needing to go feed my dog (my dog that died two before that blind date).
My response: “You know what shows lack of control? An emaciated woman running laps at the park! And I don’t care much for you!”
Location: A local cafe
Darnest Thing said to me: “Eww…this tastes funny. Want a bite?”
Analysis: funny? as in it tastes like George Carlin? or funny gross? Yes, I’d love to try something that tastes nasty or like a comedian. We all know how much I love food.
My response: “Bite me”
Location: A grocery store
Darnest thing said: “Where can we get kosher pork?”
Analysis: I may not keep kosher myself, but I know a thing or too about kosher rules. Some stranger asked me this when I was doing the grocery shopping after my class in culinary school and still had my uniform on. People assume just because you wear a chefs outfit, you know everything about food at the market! Anyhow, if your unfamiliar with kosher laws, pork and shellfish is pretty much a no no any which way. Chicken and beef can be kosher and not kosher (based on the way the animal is killed and how its butchered). But Jews spare all the piggies of the world.
My response: “I’m not really a chef, this is a halloween costume”
Has any person told you something funny or downright stupid lately?
I was listening to “Marketplace” on NPR (yep, I’m a certified nerd) and they were talking about how people are actually spending more money this halloween. I totally get why. Its not like christmas where you are kinda forced to buy everyone and their dog a present and you dont need to cook a big fancy feast (a la thanksgiving). So people feel they can shell out some dough and have fun. Anyhow, this got me thinking that probably a lot of us will see fun size or mini versions of candy. So I thought I’d formutlate a recipe using those odd ball candies you’ll mostly likely find laying around. For the cookies you will need:
-1/2 cup oats
-1/4 cup oat bran
-1/2 tsp baking powder
-2 tbs cocoa powder
-1 tbs flax meal
-1/4 cup water or almond milk (I actually used coconut milk, any liquid will do I think)
Mix it all up with your best tool.
easy clean up too!
roll into balls and stick a mini version of your favorite candy. I used a milky way.
yea, just plop it on top, i never said this was fancy!
bake at 350 degrees for about 15-20 minuets. Let it cool and enjoy the halloween leftovers!
Eden's Eats 
I just about died reading the part about you having to “feed your dog.” Love it.
I think people speak before that think, heck I’ve done that before. But ya, I adults do say the dumbest things. And its not cute like when kids say them.
And seriously, someone ask about Kosher pork? HAHAHa!
wow, I totally didn’t proof read my comment. Lets just say adults TYPE the dumbest things too. Ya, thats me!
Hahaha… I love these!
I don’t know if this even counts, but yesterday my step-dad came into the room and said “You have a zit on your face.”. My response? “Uhm.. Thanks for noticing?”
Old people and kids can get away with saying stupid stuff because they really don’t know any better. It’s the adults that fail to edit and sound like idiots. I never understood the, “This is horrible–try a bite” thing. Really?
We’ve had horrible winds and tornado warnings here and the news lady had the following advice for those without basements: Go to another safe room such as a bathroom (obvious.) But then she added that it could be helpful to huddle in the bathtub with something like a mattress or a book for protection. Umm…there’s a visual for you. And do you really think a book is going to save you from a tornado?
She also said to avoid using things like lawn mowers and leaf blowers. Thanks for that.
I thought of another one, as it just happened again. Anytime someone finds out I want to GAIN weight, they immediately offer to give me some of theirs. Not helpful.
Hey! I hope you read my post yesterday…you won the little giveaway I had 🙂 Gimme your e-mail, lady!
Dumb or downright stupid? I had a guy ask me this in the gym the other day:
“What will give me more muscle – if I angle my toes out on the leg press, or keep them straight? I heard angling them out gives you more muscle.” *facepalm*
Oh I heard one of the stupidest most inane things on the elevator the other day. There is this pregnant lady (looks due any moment) and one lady looked at her and asked if she was having twins! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people. That poor girl looked like someone had kicked her puppy.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been told in my lifetime, “You’re tall.” Um…………….how am I suppose to respond to this? I’ve tried a few over the years.
No,……..really? I think I’m short.
Wow, I’ve never been told that!!
Yeah, I have a giantess condition.
All are spoken in a highly sarcastic tone. I get a few glares from people, but you know what, that’s what they get for saying stupid things!
what a dbag. Glad you gave him the boot!
I can’t remember the most recent stupid thing someone’s said or asked..but it happens all the time. And that “Ugh this is disgusting!! Try it.” thing is hilarious but kind of annoying if you think about it. I get it all the time, but always end up trying it for some reason lmho.
Gosh, when people say stupid things like that to me, I feel like somebody smacked me with a huge baseball bat 😀 People can be so incredibly stupid, it’s actually fascinating.
Some people really are idiots! I can’t believe the guy from the date. Ick.
The guy from that date sounds so dumb, grr! People really say the stupidest things sometimes (I’m quite sure I do too!) and the worst part is when they don’t realise what they have just said!
oh boy some people are hopeless!!
love the cookie recipe
LOL @ the twin thing. What the heck?
People are nuts. A student asked me if tv came in black & white when I was a kid or if we had color yet. Seriously?
are you kidding me? one of my students once asked me if had a an iphone at his age. I told him my dad was lucky to have those car phone thingys at his age!
Hahah..this was funny!
Yesterday as I was heading to the parking garage in SFO, two young women were asking one of the Airport staff if there was any 1-hour hotels near by. ERr, yeah.