I have to thank craigslist for many things.
I got my room to rent out while living in Santa Barbara when I was in college within four days.
I got two of my three current jobs.
My roommate and I scored an awesome deal for our apartment that we have been in for two years (washer and dryer included!)
But i have also seen a fare share of creepy things.
So….I thought I would share with you some of the funny ads I’ve seen and my letters of response to them:
Funny Ad #1: Yes, I am the couch you have been dreaming of. My owners are moving and don’t want to take me with them. Ok, I get it, I am being replaced by a new younger sofa. So what if it is comfy, sleek, and sexy. Older couches are more distinguished and have character! I still got what it takes to cushion and comfort you after a long days work. You can whisk me away to your place to start our lives together, since my owners are simply too lazy to even move me themselves. We will bond on our journey from their 3rd floor apartment to your truck, creating an instant memorable story. But hey I won’t go with just anyone. It will take 70 dollars, as a token of your commitment. But… a spurned couch can’t be without an owner for long as I will start to get desperate longing for a new couch potato to keep me company on Sat nights. If no one shows interest by July 27th I am completely free for the taking. Email me if you are interested! ~Sincerely, Blue Couch
Eden’s Response: Dear Couch,
You sound tempting, but I’am in a commited relationship with my hand me down one that I’m actually currently sitting on while writing this blog post. I’m no tiger woods, but I’ll be sure to call you if we break up.
Funny Ad #2:
I want to be a real work slave for someone and I am 100% serious, honest, and real. What I’m basically looking for is a guy who wants me to do all of his chores (cleaning, dishes, laundry, yard work, clean car, etc) while you relax AND I will pay you cash for your time. I am not kidding and I am mentally sane, and not weird or psycho. Ever since I learned about slavery in school I wanted to be one…I decided it was time to act on it. I just really like the idea of being submissive to someone and making their life easier. I don’t expect or want any help….and, yes, I will pay you in cash by the hour.
I want nothing sexual from this arrangement AT ALL. So if you reply, I’d prefer that you’re straight (so that there is no possibility for anything weird or sexual).
Send me an email if you’re interested and we can talk more….
Although its tempting to be paid for having everything done for me, I cant help but feel wrong about this. This feels very “amistad” and I feel like the ghost of Harriet Tubman might come back to haunt me. And did you see Tyler Perry’s “Diary of a Mad Black Woman”? Anyway, I have no intention of pissing off a ghost that might go mad. Sorry, try Britney Spears or something, she did write the song.
Funny ad #3: I broke my right foot and only used the left shoe so now I have this new right shoe.
Great gift for a one footed person or if you know anyone with a broken left foot. Giving away as is.
Dear one foot,
What a deal! Hmm, can i get it for free if I break your other foot so you could sell me the other one?
Funny Ad #4: This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear – however he will bite your face if you try to touch it. For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house!
Dear phycho kitty owner,
While I love most furry creatures, your kitty sounds bitter and I like my face as is. “Teddy bear” and “warrior” don’t seem to go together. Have you considered taking you kitty to therapy, he sounds a little bipolar.
What has craig done for you? Would you like to chime in with your own responses to any of them?
Ok, on to today’s recipe! I just felt like baking. Ever have those days?
Not many ingredients in the house so this was random pantry raid:
-3/4 cup oat bran
-1/4 tsp baking powder
-1 tbs flaxmeal (or egg, but I’m running low on eggs so I did the whole “flax egg” trick)
-1/4 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
-handful of frozen berries (included frozen raspberries, cherries, and blueberries)
-1 tbs of stevia baking blend (and sweetener would do, I personally don’t like too sweet things so I went easy in that dept)
-3/4 cup almond milk or milk of choice (or water)
-1/2 cup unsweetened finely shredded coconut (or coconut flour)
-1/4 cup canned pumpkin (I would maybe use a little more, or even apple sauce, but this was all the was left in my can, 😦 boo)
Mix with the best utensil you’ve got.
Roll into balls and bake at 400 degrees for about 20-25 minuets. Let them cool and enjoy the whole batch, because they only make like six or seven little cookies.
I’m off to eat a few and maybe sell some of craigslist.