2 Min Mug Cake and My Wisdom

looks like a mess and not pretty, but the yummiest things tend to be that way

Thanks everyone for making me feel better about going to the dentist! A lot happened and I honestly dont want to write about it too much but heres the short of it:

No cavities! (yay!)

I'll spare you a gross picture of the actual tooth, but its in that little container near the anti-biotics and the vicodin

BUT, the wisdom tooth was coming in all funny and I had an infection where it was coming in (hence it was so painful). What to do???? pull that sucker out.

So now my right side is numb and I resemble a gerbil.

As far as food for the next couple of days, it will have to be soft or liquid and this is oddly enough causing me some anxiety. Fresh fruits and veggies are a staple and while I do love yogurts and mashed veggies and all that, this will be a hard shift. So brace your self for mushy recipes for the rest of the week.

Also, I probably wont be able to do yoga which is also pissing me off a bit.

Change of routine is tough for most people. We all have a way we like to do things and when we are forced to do them differently (or perhaps give them up all together) we often experience some sort of anxiety. But change is good (its a mantra I’m trying to repeat to myself in moments of weakness).

When we workout new muscles, they get sore. They hurt, but in a weird way, we like it! Changes are similar in that they may sting at first, but they usually result positively.

But I started think about why those teeth back there are even called that. After some online research, I learned that because they erupt in the late teen years, which coincides with passage into adulthood and referred to by some as the age of wisdom; hence “wisdom teeth”.

Duh, Eden!

But it made me question my wisdom, and my maurtity for that matter. I feel like I was a 30 or 40 year old trapped in a pre-teenage body for those years. Since my mother died when I was thirteen, I had to learn to take care of myself at a very young age. Granted, my dad was fantastic and always supportive, but I had to be my own mother in many way.s Plus, a death of parent really puts things in perspective for middle schooler. While my classmates were whining about loosing their tiffany braclets or whatever, I was rolling my eyes, knowing that material things aren’t as important as a loss of a parent.

But the thing is, my eating disorder kept me at that pre-teen age. Physically and emotionally. Physically, I was obviously curve-less, boob-less, and “aunt flow”-less. Mentally, I was still stunted. It blew my mind as I blew the candles on my 21st birthday in my treatment center that here I was, twenty one, most of my classmates already finished college. Here I was, learning how to eat again. I might as well go back to kindergarten.

Of course I dont want to be an adult! We have bills, rent, responsibility, jobs, jury duty! Its daunting and I being twelve again sounds appealing. I dont want to grow up!

But alas, I must, because as stress free as it sounds, being a kid forever isn’t a good option. What I do want is independence, and when your young, you are very much dependent on your parents. I’ve mentioned many times that I am a control freak, but being independent is not about “control”. Being independent is empowering. Control is not power, because if your too in control, you lack the power of letting go.

So it all comes down to this: I need to let go of wanting to remain a child. I need to grow up already and TRULY take care of myself. One of the most difficult parts of recovery from my eating disorder has been embracing the fact that I AM a woman, and not a little girl.

It funny, I was pissed when I restored some weight when I first got out of treatment and I couldn’t fit into my KIDS sized true religion jeans! KIDS SIZED! Thats crazy! My therapist said Β “You need to stop shopping in that section because you simply dont belong! You are so wise beyond your years, what on earth are you doing in that section!”.

Wisdom? Maybe. I do think I have cultivated some wise insights. But I’m still a work in progress. I didn’t want to grow up, but I am a “grown up”. I think I’ll truly be wise once I can fully embrace that woman inside of me and the self-deprectating thoughts will subside. Or at least, until I get the other three “wisdom teeth removed πŸ™‚

Today (pre wisdom removal) I needed something quick and easy so I created this two minute, two utensil recipe (cause who likes cleaning all those kitchen utensils?). So heres what went into the “cake” batter.

-1 tbs of protein powder (I used the vanilla Jay Robb, my favorite!)

-1 egg

-1/8 tsp baking powder

-about a tsp of coconut oil (or any oil, canola would work but trust me, you need some oil for moistness!)

-1 tbs cocoa powder

-1tbs flour of choice (I used corn but you can use regular, soy, garbanzo bean, quinoa, or almond flour)

mix with a spoon in a mug and microwave for one minute and 30 seconds. It WILL popover but thats the cool part! I chopped it up and ate it on top of some strawberry yogurt and drizzled some melted chocolate on top.

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19 thoughts on “2 Min Mug Cake and My Wisdom

  1. I remember when I got my wisdom teeth out.. I was put under anesthesia and actually woke up during the surgery! But then was out pretty quick again. Crazy stuff! That was also when I first started working out and hated it so I said since I had surgery I could take off like 2 weeks. ha! Oh, and then they numbed the whole back of my throat and I was really annoyed when I couldn’t swallow my ice cream. Ok, now I’m just rambling. But it was pretty funny!

  2. I refuse to grow up in some aspects. I still don’t have a driver’s license. Crazy, right? You do not belong in the kid’s section, Eden, because you so mature! Then again being mature doesn’t mean we are mature when it comes to our bodies or our selves. Those thoughts can be sounrealistic, idealistic, and let’s face it, kind of scary!

  3. I think not wanting to let go of childhood has a lot to do with my disorder. Or atleast it was a side effect of it. I just didn’t want to be “responsible” for my life and what I was doing. I felt like a child physically of course, too. And being that sick can play such twisted games with your head that I was never really “all there” most of the time. And no one who is not “all there” can be a responsible and trusted adult.

    I got all four of my wisdom teeth pulled my sophmore year of highschool. I swelled up like a chipmunk for a couple days, but I didn’t have to eat soft stuff that long. Maybe the first night, but the pain didn’t last long at all.

    ❀ Tori

  4. I freaking hate the dentist – I had no dental issues for 29 years and then suddenly Wham…$5000 or so later I still have problems. It’s like visiting a mechanic though, you never know if what they tell you is true.

    I hope you are feeling better Eden! I’m sure you don’t look like a gerbil.

  5. After I got my wisdom teeth out (I had 5! Blech!) I looked like someone punched me in the face. It was definitely not my best look. Feel better!

  6. Wisdom teeth removal is the worst thing i’ve been through. Yes, I even got ran over by a car but I don’t remember that pain at all.

    Glad you’re doing okay gerbil! πŸ™‚

  7. What you said about taking about responsibility for your own life is so very true …

    I hope you’ll feel better soon! I remember when I had my own wisdom teeth removed, and – no, I rather don’t remember.

    Messy looking food can be the best! I guess you’re enjoying a lot of things that don’t call for chewing atm. Embrace it! πŸ˜€

  8. You know my sob story with wisdom teeth, so I’ll just say I feel your pain. Make a Vicodin smoothie and all will be right with the world.

    I know that my issues were very much rooted in the fact that I also had to grow up quickly and ended up kind of mourning that lost sense of innocence and lack or responsibility. Part of my indifference to my own health was that I was just tired of having to think and make all the decisions for myself for so long. While it has become empowering and I understand what a gift it is now, there are still times I just want someone to take over and make the choices for me, to take care of me so I don’t have to think about it.

    But, you can’t have it both ways, and I would much rather work on taking care of myself and being in control of my own happiness. Maybe I’m not there yet, but like you said–progress, not perfection. Work in progress πŸ˜‰

  9. Glad the dentist wasn’t too bad. It’s probably my least favorite place to go ever. I remember when I had to stop shopping in the kids section one time. Why did I ever feel like that was a GOOD thing? It’s not like the styles are good…

  10. The night before I had my wisdom teeth taken out (at age 16) I made my self a huge pot of potage d’hiver and a carrot cake. It was so much better than mashed potatoes and jello for a week! Alas, I resembled a gerbil as well. I think that is just how things go, unfortunately.

    I hope everything went well for you!

    πŸ™‚

  11. I hate the dentist too! I’m not literally afraid of going, but I do have a lot of anxiety and discomfort…especially when they start sticking metal tools in my mouth and scraping my teeth and examining me with a big magnifying glass. The teeth scraping is really like nails on a chalkboard, it makes me cringe. Anyway, I’m sorry about your wisdom tooth and that your schedule is disrupted. That is always off putting- but a part of life, unfortunately.
    Speaking of which, I relate to your story about feeling older in some ways, but like a little girl in others (especially in the physical sense…with the lack of a period and the body of a young girl). I’ve felt that way at many points over the years. And what you said about the difference between independence and control makes a lot of sense to me. I am independent, and I’m now okay with not always being in control. It is impossible to always have control over everything in my life and its something I’ve had to learn to accept.

  12. Cyber hugs coming your way. Hope your mouth heals up super fast. I had a horrid experience having my wisdom teeth out, but some people bounce back pretty quickly. You’ll certainly appreciate solid foods when this is all said and done! And sometimes being an adult does have its perks – people take you far more seriously (in general).

  13. Ohh wisdom teeth are no fun. Did you only have to take one out? At least that’s good. I remember getting mine yanked- all 4 at a time. My dad said he was waiting for me to get mine pulled before he got his done..using me as a “trial run” but said forget it when he saw all the blood and how emaciated I was for a week. Not a fun experience.

    I love what you said about treating yourself and your body like a woman and not a little kid. I never thought about it like that but it’s true- we’re grown up and we need to feed our bodies like they are. Kids don’t have curves, we should.

  14. Oh I had no idea! I still have 2 wisdom teeth in, the lower ones are gone. Weird I know. When you forced to grow up so fast you feel left out of your childhood. I get that. For me, I wanted to get out of childhood so fast and be treated as an adult. I think it was a control thing. Now that I am here, I really wish I would have enjoyed those time more, embraced being a worry-free kid. Get well soon Eden! Lots of mushy recipes sound good to me!

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