Thanks everyone for making me feel better about going to the dentist! A lot happened and I honestly dont want to write about it too much but heres the short of it:
No cavities! (yay!)
BUT, the wisdom tooth was coming in all funny and I had an infection where it was coming in (hence it was so painful). What to do???? pull that sucker out.
So now my right side is numb and I resemble a gerbil.
As far as food for the next couple of days, it will have to be soft or liquid and this is oddly enough causing me some anxiety. Fresh fruits and veggies are a staple and while I do love yogurts and mashed veggies and all that, this will be a hard shift. So brace your self for mushy recipes for the rest of the week.
Also, I probably wont be able to do yoga which is also pissing me off a bit.
Change of routine is tough for most people. We all have a way we like to do things and when we are forced to do them differently (or perhaps give them up all together) we often experience some sort of anxiety. But change is good (its a mantra I’m trying to repeat to myself in moments of weakness).
When we workout new muscles, they get sore. They hurt, but in a weird way, we like it! Changes are similar in that they may sting at first, but they usually result positively.
But I started think about why those teeth back there are even called that. After some online research, I learned that because they erupt in the late teen years, which coincides with passage into adulthood and referred to by some as the age of wisdom; hence “wisdom teeth”.
But it made me question my wisdom, and my maurtity for that matter. I feel like I was a 30 or 40 year old trapped in a pre-teenage body for those years. Since my mother died when I was thirteen, I had to learn to take care of myself at a very young age. Granted, my dad was fantastic and always supportive, but I had to be my own mother in many way.s Plus, a death of parent really puts things in perspective for middle schooler. While my classmates were whining about loosing their tiffany braclets or whatever, I was rolling my eyes, knowing that material things aren’t as important as a loss of a parent.
But the thing is, my eating disorder kept me at that pre-teen age. Physically and emotionally. Physically, I was obviously curve-less, boob-less, and “aunt flow”-less. Mentally, I was still stunted. It blew my mind as I blew the candles on my 21st birthday in my treatment center that here I was, twenty one, most of my classmates already finished college. Here I was, learning how to eat again. I might as well go back to kindergarten.
Of course I dont want to be an adult! We have bills, rent, responsibility, jobs, jury duty! Its daunting and I being twelve again sounds appealing. I dont want to grow up!
But alas, I must, because as stress free as it sounds, being a kid forever isn’t a good option. What I do want is independence, and when your young, you are very much dependent on your parents. I’ve mentioned many times that I am a control freak, but being independent is not about “control”. Being independent is empowering. Control is not power, because if your too in control, you lack the power of letting go.
So it all comes down to this: I need to let go of wanting to remain a child. I need to grow up already and TRULY take care of myself. One of the most difficult parts of recovery from my eating disorder has been embracing the fact that I AM a woman, and not a little girl.
It funny, I was pissed when I restored some weight when I first got out of treatment and I couldn’t fit into my KIDS sized true religion jeans! KIDS SIZED! Thats crazy! My therapist said “You need to stop shopping in that section because you simply dont belong! You are so wise beyond your years, what on earth are you doing in that section!”.
Wisdom? Maybe. I do think I have cultivated some wise insights. But I’m still a work in progress. I didn’t want to grow up, but I am a “grown up”. I think I’ll truly be wise once I can fully embrace that woman inside of me and the self-deprectating thoughts will subside. Or at least, until I get the other three “wisdom teeth removed 🙂
Today (pre wisdom removal) I needed something quick and easy so I created this two minute, two utensil recipe (cause who likes cleaning all those kitchen utensils?). So heres what went into the “cake” batter.
-1 tbs of protein powder (I used the vanilla Jay Robb, my favorite!)
-1/8 tsp baking powder
-about a tsp of coconut oil (or any oil, canola would work but trust me, you need some oil for moistness!)
-1 tbs cocoa powder
-1tbs flour of choice (I used corn but you can use regular, soy, garbanzo bean, quinoa, or almond flour)
mix with a spoon in a mug and microwave for one minute and 30 seconds. It WILL popover but thats the cool part! I chopped it up and ate it on top of some strawberry yogurt and drizzled some melted chocolate on top.