Boredom sucks ass (sorry, I’m usually not so crude in my opening lines, but it does suck some serious ass).
I blame boredom on most of my problems. After years of therapists telling me how my mom’s death was one of the seeds to my development of my eating/exercise disorder, I was beginning to believe them. But you know what my latest therapist made me realize (I know, I sound lame referring to my therapist so often), boredom is the culprit.
Why did I over-exercise?
I was bored.
Why did I spend ours thinking about what I was going to eat, how much, caluclating, judging its nutritional value?
I was bored.
Why did it take my sometimes two hours to finish a snack?
I was bored.
You get the drift. Boredom can be deadly to lots of people. We need something, anything to occupy our mind or our bodies. I didn’t realize how big of a part boredom had in my problems until after impatient treatment and during my out patient stage. I began to realize how much extra time I had on my hands.
And even if you don’t have food or exercise issues, I think its always nice to have some ideas about what to do when you are bored. So here’s a list to get you started. I categorized it by location. Yes, I think a great way to start is to get you out of the house.
In the Mall:
-Try pants on backwards at J.crew or something and ask the salesperson with the sincerest face ever, “Does this make my butt look big?”
– Rummage through the jellybean bin at the candy store insisting that you lost a contact lens or your wedding ring. O and maybe grab a few jelly beans while your at it since they are already tainted by your germs.
-Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself
-While your at the pet store, free the animals! They all come from puppy mills!
-When someone asks you if you need help, start crying and wail “Why won’t you people just leave me alone!”
-Look straight into the security camera and use it as a mirror or attempt to pick your nose
At the Library:
– Point to a very simple word (like “the” or “who”) and ask for someone beside you to help you pronounce it.
-Read a book upside down
-While looking at your book, turn so you are facing the person. Then, peer over the top of your book, and say, “Peekaboo!”
-If you’r library has a dvd collection, close you eyes and chose a dvd and watch it. Yep, even if it’s the “Care Bears” (which are pretty darn awesome anyhow, did I mention I’m five?)
– Sport the cup sleeve and as a cuff, stylish and frugal!
– Stuff the suggestion box with funny requests, like a pool table
– Buy a homeless man a coffee/tea and a scone. He probably needs a custom-made overpriced coffee more than you.
-Order an a coke, a beer, or a burger, anything but what you would usually find at starbucks. Act shocked that they dont have it!
-Bring a bowl of cereal from home and use the milk from the “condiment island” to fill it. Hey, the economy sucks right now, we got a “milk” all the opportunities for free food we can get (yes, pun intended).
At the Movies:
-When your choosing your seat, point at someone and in a childish voice, loudly say, “I dont want to sit next to THAT guy! He smells funky!”
– Obnoxiously say “Ooooooooooo” when someone kisses onscreen
– Every time someone curses, cover your ears and yell, “OOOOO he fuckin profanity!!!!”
-When someone sneezes, yell “Shhhhhh!” (I used to actually do this when I was younger, o the rebel I was)
At the Beach:
-Find Heather, if you’r lucky, she’ll have some delicious vegetarian food she might share and her adorable doggie might be nearby
– Pretend to be a crab and start nipping people
-Practice ostrich impressions
– Go around the beach and tell them there is a “pay and display” policy and that you are the ticket person. Charge a ridiculous amount.
-Build a sandcastle. This can actually be a lot of fun and kind of medatative. For shits and giggles, yell out “HALT! WHO GOES THERE!?” every hour or so (you know, changing of the guard).
I hope that helps, but I’m not responsible if you happen to get arrested for being obnoxious.
I apologize for no recipe, yoga school wore me out a bit. Tomorrow is my first day back teaching my desserts class at a local elementary school so stay tuned for a kid friendly/no oven needed dessert tomorrow!