Avocado Cucumber Pizza and “A Work in Progress”

dominos, you have nothing on meI think for most of my years being sick, and still today, I have this attachment to being a “work in progress”. I think most people like having some goal out there. Be it gain weight/lose weight, get some degree/career, find prince charming, hell even making money. We always need a “goal”. But what happens when we reach it? There’s usually a back up goal, we will never be good enough, theres always something to work on. Take me, for example:

When I was in impatient treatment, we got weighed weekly, and met with our dietitian weekly to discuss the next weeks plan. I went to a very unconventional rehab so do not assume this is how it works in most eating disorder programs. Menus changes weekly, there we four, so every four weeks, we were on back the the one we had four weeks before (yes, it got boring after a while). Based on our weekly weigh in, the dietitian would discus with each client about their own menu modification. For a while, she kept adding to my meal plan. Some extra chicken here, more yogurt to breakfast, another snack option there, etc. Actually, I was pleased when she added more. For one, I like eating so more is always better, but it also meant that I still had to work, I still was not at a healthy weight and I still had room to grow. But one day, she didnt add more. She kept it the same. And I was crushed.

“Now what? I can just hang out in limbo? What my next goal!?”

I never told her this, so I never got an answer. And I never knew my weight (and I still to this day have no clue what it is), so I had no idea if that meant I gained enough, too much, or that I still needed too. For a decade, I saw therapists and dietitians try to get my to “recover” and I think I secretly liked having “room to gain” or having a goal of some sort. I think thats why I wallowed in it for so long and refused to really believe I even had an issue.

But I see this with other people concerning other things. People will get loads of degrees and education, and not have a clue how to utilize it. And even with people that have lost weight, I found most are very depressed after losing cause they thought losing would solve all their problems and now there is nothing to work towards. Its sad, they either go on a rampage and gain it back, or they lose and lose and then its dangerous anorexia-land. Its like a never ending cycle.

Goals as a system are set up for failure.

Even when you do things exactly right, it’s not ideal. Here’s why: you are extremely limited in your actions. When you don’t feel like doing something, you have to force yourself to do it. Your path is chosen and there is no room to explore new territory. You have to follow the plan. Some goal systems are more flexible, but nothing is as flexible as having no goals.

So what does this mean? I’m trying to not have goals and instead be open. I guess not having a goal is a goal. However, I’m always learning new things (like having no goals) without setting out to learn them in the first place.

What are your goals, or have you let go of any goals lately? If you achieved some goal, was it all it was cracked up to be?

Remember: ‘A good traveller has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.’ ~Lao Tzu

Once again, totally unrelated, my lunch…..

I got some persian cucumbers on sale the other day, so I thought they would be a cool pizza topper.

I mixed 1/2 avocado with yellow mustard (not really guacamole, but my sandwich version of it) and blended that with sliced nappa cabbage.

Then a simply topped it with cooked ground turkey and “cucumber pepperoni”. Its like a deconstructed sandwich…..only a pizza

after properly coated in avocado, spread across a crisp white corn tortilla

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12 thoughts on “Avocado Cucumber Pizza and “A Work in Progress”

  1. I like that you posted this because I am trying to not have set goals either. I read a post on zenhabits.net about the same thing, about how goals are basically set up for failure. There is always something that you don’t anticipate with the end result. Nothing I have accomplished so far has been due to my goals. In fact, I have reached nothing I originally set out to reach. It’s a good thing, though. Things have represented themselves to me that I never expected but that have affected my life for the better. Having no goals is a good goal, haha.

  2. I have become more of a list person these days. I have things I want to do, but several things. I am learning that these “goals” do not define me or my happniess, but rather give me ideas of what to aim for. Clearly, I struggle with this, too! Thank you for bringing this up!

  3. I’m not sure what I’d be without my constant list of goals. I have to always strive for something because I am incapable of just being. I chalk it up to my Indian background!

  4. Interesting post.
    I think goals are important….but I like loose goals.
    For me, personally, i’m not even REALLY sure what I REALLY want, so trying to narrow down specific goals on a piece of paper seems a bit silly…know what I mean?
    Plus, I’m not one of these super-organized people….I don’t want to have 10 different word documents breaking down all these goals in 10 different ways.
    I think is it important to have goals…but not to make them the “thing”..their not “it”, u know.
    Like what you said “it is the journey, not NOT the destination”. I read the Alchemist before and that theme was prominent in that book. It is not about actually having that goal, but just living life and playing it out as it goes.
    Thats why I try to think of my screw-ups as total “practice” now….better way to think of it I guess. Trying anyway.
    Avocado on pizza is actually really good , hey?
    I found some corn tortillas and I really really like them! Great for wraps or snacks…their tiny though, so I have to eat 2 at a time, no problem 🙂

  5. 2 of my favorite things- cucumber and avocado!

    To be honest, I never really set goals, unless it has to do with a race I’m training for and even then I’m not 100% determined to accomplish. In fact, I think goals stress me out (short term goals that is). My long term goal is to be healthy, find joy in life, and appreciate the small things each day. Now that I can work with.

  6. Through meditation, some yoga and pilates here and there (trying to get away from obsessive cardio to some extent), and writing, I am learning to let go of what I “should” do–goals, fixed intentions, and comparing my life to others’ lives (meaning that I never quite measure up). I don’t believe I’ll ever truly feel “more recovered” from my ED if I don’t learn to “let go” and enjoy the journey. I still make lists for myself so that I don’t forget things (this helps to reduce anxiety for me, and it’s pretty harmless), but I don’t make lists with lofty goals. I am trying–though it’s against my Virgo nature!–to “go with the flow” just a little bit more. 🙂
    Great post, Eden!

  7. I think you know my feelings on the subject, but I agree with you 100 percent. The eating disorder has no “end” point, so there’s always something else you can be working towards, always a little bit of room left “just in case.” As long as you have that little bit of room, you have something to work towards and it keeps you busy. It can distract you from whatever the “real” problem is by always being something to focus on.

    That said, I’ve really become much more open the past year in terms of accepting the fact that my goals are simple. My goals are daily, and I don’t look forever to the future and wait until “X” happens before I’m satisfied. I am who I am right now–a definite work in progress, no doubt–but not stressing over some endpoint that I can be certain to attain.

  8. I feel you; when I used to weigh myself, though I wanted the number to read higher because that meant healthier, I also wished it were lower at the same time. This would mean I had eaten more yet lost weight, so I could potentially, “eat more without gaining anything.” It was always like a safe reserve that if I wanted to, I could “pig out” and I wouldn’t be any different – and it was a really horrible cycle. I’m so happy that I stopped weighing myself. Starving myself, chugging water and watching my sodium intake the day before weigh-in drove me nuts.

    I like to have goals, but I make them little things instead of huge life-term things. I can’t control everything in life, but having some hold over a few little things is a little soothing.

    And avocado on pizza is so good, I’ve never thought to mix it with mustard though…Going to try that sometime.

  9. I am not really a goal person. My husband likes to have goals – like signing up for a triathlon then having a plan in place for training. Me? Not so much. Sometimes I think I need to add in some goals so I would be more motivated to accomplish dreams of mine. Hope you’re having a great weekend sweetie!

  10. That’s so true- goals only lead to more intense goals and more intense..it never ends. Even with jobs..you’re goals to get out of college, get a job, get a promotion, get another promotion…it even goes on after retirement! It’s much better to just be open and go with the flow, still having *vague* goals of course so you’re not just sitting there twiddling your thumbs. But that way you’ll never be disappointed if reaching that goal’s not everything you had hoped for.

  11. If you ever figure this out please let me know 😀

    I have no idea what my goals are! And it makes me anxious. Is it okay not to have goals? I don’t think I want that. I want to have something to look forward to, always.

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