I think for most of my years being sick, and still today, I have this attachment to being a “work in progress”. I think most people like having some goal out there. Be it gain weight/lose weight, get some degree/career, find prince charming, hell even making money. We always need a “goal”. But what happens when we reach it? There’s usually a back up goal, we will never be good enough, theres always something to work on. Take me, for example:
When I was in impatient treatment, we got weighed weekly, and met with our dietitian weekly to discuss the next weeks plan. I went to a very unconventional rehab so do not assume this is how it works in most eating disorder programs. Menus changes weekly, there we four, so every four weeks, we were on back the the one we had four weeks before (yes, it got boring after a while). Based on our weekly weigh in, the dietitian would discus with each client about their own menu modification. For a while, she kept adding to my meal plan. Some extra chicken here, more yogurt to breakfast, another snack option there, etc. Actually, I was pleased when she added more. For one, I like eating so more is always better, but it also meant that I still had to work, I still was not at a healthy weight and I still had room to grow. But one day, she didnt add more. She kept it the same. And I was crushed.
“Now what? I can just hang out in limbo? What my next goal!?”
I never told her this, so I never got an answer. And I never knew my weight (and I still to this day have no clue what it is), so I had no idea if that meant I gained enough, too much, or that I still needed too. For a decade, I saw therapists and dietitians try to get my to “recover” and I think I secretly liked having “room to gain” or having a goal of some sort. I think thats why I wallowed in it for so long and refused to really believe I even had an issue.
But I see this with other people concerning other things. People will get loads of degrees and education, and not have a clue how to utilize it. And even with people that have lost weight, I found most are very depressed after losing cause they thought losing would solve all their problems and now there is nothing to work towards. Its sad, they either go on a rampage and gain it back, or they lose and lose and then its dangerous anorexia-land. Its like a never ending cycle.
Goals as a system are set up for failure.
Even when you do things exactly right, it’s not ideal. Here’s why: you are extremely limited in your actions. When you don’t feel like doing something, you have to force yourself to do it. Your path is chosen and there is no room to explore new territory. You have to follow the plan. Some goal systems are more flexible, but nothing is as flexible as having no goals.
So what does this mean? I’m trying to not have goals and instead be open. I guess not having a goal is a goal. However, I’m always learning new things (like having no goals) without setting out to learn them in the first place.
What are your goals, or have you let go of any goals lately? If you achieved some goal, was it all it was cracked up to be?
Remember: ‘A good traveller has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.’ ~Lao Tzu
Once again, totally unrelated, my lunch…..
I got some persian cucumbers on sale the other day, so I thought they would be a cool pizza topper.
I mixed 1/2 avocado with yellow mustard (not really guacamole, but my sandwich version of it) and blended that with sliced nappa cabbage.
Then a simply topped it with cooked ground turkey and “cucumber pepperoni”. Its like a deconstructed sandwich…..only a pizza