Unique Peanut Dressing and “The Off Switch”

MMMmmm yummy and capable of tapping into that "off switch"

I learned from yesterday’s post that many of you may have been offended by saying “Hello friends!” is corny. Well corny is pretty damn cool in my book. Its just that I’m not a cheery-esque blonde that would say something like that. So on me, it looks corny. But in the spirit of the corniness, all together now…..

Hello friends!

And now on to the post.

I’d like update you on my habit changing I’ve been talking about these past few weeks. Its actually working out! I’m getting myself to bed earlier and waking earlier but still giving myself a good seven plus hours a night (it used to be five). Go me! I’m also not gorging on food as much at night thanks to having hefty lunches. In fact, I realized I think I like making lunch my biggest meal of the day! My lunches seem more like breakfasts though. I’ve been making pancakes out of oat bran and peanut flour which is a pretty nice noon pick-me-up!

It was very interesting reading the comments on “being full”. I hope some of you that enjoy being full realized some people loath it, and for those that hate fullness, I hope you took note that people strive for it. On that note, I’d like to mention something I was thinking about today. Its what I call the “off switch”.

The “off switch” I’m referring to is not just that signal in my belly that tells me “Hey, Eden, your full!”, its also the actual action of me putting down the fork, spoon, piece of whatever I’m having etc.

For the longest time, I think I didn’t have an “off switch” and I admit, even today, I think I have a hard time reaching for it.

I blame my first few years of high school when my eating disorder first began in the form of plain old eating lots of low calorie foods.  I didn’t “starve” but a growing 14 year old should not be having 1200 or so calories. A few years eating lots of fruits and veggies ONLY I think plagued me with having trouble accessing that “off switch”.

It’s kind of like physics: for every deprivation, there is an equal and opposite binge.

And of course, to keep my “body” and my “sanity”, I’d rid the guilt of the binge by doing endless amounts of cardio! What a whack job I was!

People assume that just because I was very underweight, there was no way I could have “binged”. And to be fair, I know many people think that a bowl of cereal is a binge. Believe me, I binged, a “bowl” was a joke compared to my binge. Plus, haven’t you noticed a lot of the winners of eating contests around the nation are fairly thin and even underweight!? Chew on that.

So there was this cycle every single day for a long ass time….restrict for countless hours, workout, binge, sleep, repeat.

It wasn’t until AFTER treatment and learning to feed myself normal amounts of food throughout the day that I even realized I have this “off switch”. I’d make myself a meal, and when I was nearly done, I’d get seconds, thirds, put the plate away, and go back to the pantry or fridge for something else to gnaw on. And I was already very full before seconds!

Dealing with the “off switch” was rather depressing. I felt not only out of control, but also like a failure. I failed at truly “recovering” and I can’t even be “anorexic” cause I cant stop eating! But yet I’m still underweight? What was I to make of this.

Well, I had to do a few things.

One was to start giving my self permission. Permission 24/7 to eat. I still struggle with giving myself this, and not just with food, but with exercise, sleep, even buying clothes for myself. I sometime feel undeserving. But heres where yoga  has helped my tremendously. I admit, I DO exercise for vanity reason, but I DO NOT practice yoga for that. I do feel it unifies my spirit and my body. As after-school special as that may sound, I have an appretitaiton for my body. I dont love it, and I think thats actually fine.I think its lovely people encourage us to “love our bodies” but lets cut the BS, I’m never gonna love my whole body. Something will always be “too” fill in the blank. I’m OK with it, its working, its keeping me energized, and I’m accepting that. Anyhow, back to my point, yoga really helped me find that “off switch”.

What about you? Do you have trouble accessing that “off switch” sometimes? does you stomach sometimes feel like an endless pit? Or maybe you dont have an “on switch” and you cant get yourself to sit down to a proper meal.

Anyhow, the recipe today is super cool. I was going to make a cauliflower puree when I over steamed it and my puree was too thin and almost soupy. But I thought it might work as a thickener for a dressing! So to this I added:

the dippage looks like this before the salad smother!

-2 tbs peanut flour (or use peanut butter, since I’m still peanut flour happy, its been all over my meals)

-2 tbs yellow mustard (not the fancy kind, but the fancy kind would work too)

-1 stevia packet (I won this in a giveaway and thought I would try it in this to give it sweetness)

-about 3 tbs water or enough to thin the whole thing up.

Blend with the pureed cauliflower and smother your salad.

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16 thoughts on “Unique Peanut Dressing and “The Off Switch”

  1. The peanut sauce looks wonderful! Sometimes I find I am still hungry after a meal, but if I wait 10-15 minutes, I’m often sastified. If I’m still hungry – I go back for more!

  2. YES, definately I have such a hard time understanding what fullness feels like. For a long time during my ED where I ate food by their calorie content and watch every nutrition label freakishly it was either binge or starve, no healthy medium where I ate what I want to the point of satisfaction and stopping. Starve starve starve, and then a BIG binge when the pressure was too hard to take… which led to more feelings of “needing” to starve again to reset etc. Terrible cycle. For a while after recovery, I was afraid I was becoming a binge eater because when I started eating more and allowing myself to eat “normal” food I wouldn’t know when to stop! Even if the food started tasting like nothing and I looked pregnant my body seemed to function on its own and kept going hand to mouth, repeat! Sorry for the long reply 🙂 but it’s something I still struggle with.
    Peanut flour looks like a lot of fun to play with~ and I’m def going to try using cauliflour puree as a dressing thickener now!

  3. “It’s kind of like physics: for every deprivation, there is an equal and opposite binge.”

    I love that! It’s hilarious yet so true! I’m still in the same boat as you are. Although I’m giving myself normal amount of food nowadays, there are times when I just can’t stop myself from eating. I’d get so full, but sometimes my palate just doesn’t seem to be satisfied. What should be natural (the fullness cue) has been completely screwed up, sadly, by myself.

  4. Hi Friend!

    I basically have no hunger cues right now and have always had major control issues, so “binging” was never really something that I worried about. While I would still eat large amounts of food regularly (I never didn’t eat), I always felt like I had to restrict more during the day “just in case” I lost that control and went nuts at night or some crazy person sat on me and forced Twinkies down my throat or something. (For the record, that never happened.)

    Anyway, because it’s hard for me to physically judge if what I’m eating is “enough,” as I need much more than I’m comfortable with, I still pretty much measure everything out. This way I know it’s not restrictive, and even if it’s more than I’m comfortable with, I know it’s what I need. After the portion is gone, I have tea or chew gum and that kind of signals that the meal time is over, the switch is “off” and I know I can still have more later. I don’t know if that makes sense…

  5. My ED was about control, big time, so I never actually struggled with bingeing. But I remember that when my appetite first started coming back, it was ravenous and it terrified me. I’d be too afraid to eat more, so I would make myself wait in agony until the next time I was “allowed” to eat… it was horrible 😦 Eventually, I couldn’t take that kind of thing anymore, so I started trying to honor my hunger instead, and found I was much happier as a result. Like you said, it’s about realizing that we deserve to eat any time we’re hungry, and not just during specific times or hours. My appetite as been pretty crazy lately, and it still makes me a little bit anxious, but I find I’m so much happier if I actually honor it instead of trying to control it… so I do my best to do that.

  6. wow number one thing is that that recipe is GENIUS! what in the world does it taste like??? peanutty or mustardy?? i’m so on a pb flour craze it’s kind of ridiculous. i’m actually going to tjs today to hoard more haha for fear that they will pull a typical tjs and just stop carrying something without warning you

    today i can feel it being a bottomless pit day. there are just days you know it’s coming and i say just embrace it you know what i mean mang.

  7. Great post!! Finding the “off switch” is hard, but like all things, it takes practice and patience. I agree that the best way to learn about it is to actually eat an adequate amount. Don’t go so hungry that you can’t pay attention to it and binge. I also love how you relate it to science – every restriction can lead to a binge. Realizing that food is not the enemy and that eating enough will do good for me certainly helped me overcome my binging. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful post and important info!

  8. I definitely have a problem with the off switch especially if what I am eating is GOOD. I eat way too fast for starters. No matter how much I try to slow down, somehow I just steadily get faster like someone is going to steal my plate from me. Craziness. Glad the getting up earlier is working out for you!

  9. Wow, this is a really interesting post about an “off switch.” I think mine is whacked too, because I did the same thing for so long… eat a lot of low-cal food, work out, and occasionally binge. Also, I wasn’t able to trust my hunger cues for a looong time; often I simply wouldn’t have them, but sometimes I’d feel “hungry” right after an appropriately-sized meal! I’ve just gotten to the point where my hunger cues are reliable, but I still have trouble pressing the “off switch,” especially at night. I tend to graze on snacks after dinner, which isn’t horrible for me right now, but it won’t be a good habit to continue…

  10. I’ve absolutely struggled with the “off switch”, especially at night. I’m doing similarly to you, in that I’m trying to eat more filling things during the earlier meals and keeping dinner lite. I’ve also tried to keep myself as busy as possible in the evenings that mindless eating doesn’t do me in! I’ve only been working on it a few weeks, but it seems to be going well!

  11. My stomach’s been a complete bottomless pit these past few days- hopefully from an increase in metabolism from weight training. I’m like you, I *hate* being full. I’ve been able to learn when I can stop eating, be satisfied, but not be full. That being said, if I eat all day and still feel hungry..I’ll eat some more. No more ignoring cravings!

  12. This is where I feel real “bad” and “guilty” compared to others u see….because I have switched over to “making” myself eat really really big and CONSISTENT meals and sancks ALL day long (tons of cals, etc)…but I still have an ENORMOUS bedtime snack (and still “binge”)…so now I feel like a “double-food”…does that make sense?
    Now I just do it all!
    And worse off is that I do not exercise…and I feel so “dead”. Ugh…if u ever have any thoughts, let me know! (my blog or whatever).

    (p.s….i am insane with nut butter — no control!!)

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