I don’t do well with seasons.
(cue random food porn from today’s recipe)
Living in Southern California most of my life, I’m used to 72 and breezy. A little below that and I bust out ear-muffs. A little warmer and I feel like clearing out the fridge and setting up camp in there.
But this week it was especially hot. It was the 4th of July, un-potty-trained kids were loose, and I was reminded that summer can be a bit of an ass hole.
So lets break it down:
Too Hot for “Sexy Time” : For all the babies born 9 months from now: your parents DEFINITELY had air conditioning. Sexy time (aka sex) in the summer can get sticky. So if you’ve woken up glued to someone else’s body and had the” balls” (pun intednded) to call them after, there’s probably something there.
Tweeting, Facebooking, Blogging about the weather: Ok, its a little hypocritical cause I just did it, but I hate when a season of extreme (winter, summer) hits and people feel the need to proclaim it.
“It SOOOOOO hot, you guys! You can literally fry an egg on the sidewalk. LOLZ!”
(again with the abuse of the word literally and no one should every “LOLZ” without sarcasm)
“Its SOOOOO cold, I can’t feel my penis!”
Um…I don’t really care. Stop littering my twitter/facebook feed about the weather. Are you seriously trying to compete with Al Roker?
School’s Out: Not only are kiddies fair game to be out and about any day of the week, all the teachers are off too, as are some companies, and the usual people that never had jobs but have money. This equates to lots of crowds. Someone once asked me,
“Hey!? You know what would be a cool idea! If we went to Disneyland in July!”
Yea, as much as I can appreciate a churro shaped like Micky Ears (and believe me, I can appreciate it!), guess you thought of the same idea? Everybody. With crowds and little children come bitchy parents and short tempers. Even churros shaped like Mikey can’t soothe that.
“Parties”: In the summer, people feel the need to throw what I like to call “cool parties”. They usually occur on rooftops or by a swimming pool. But these parties are anything but “cool” to me. First of all you have to know someone who is involved with the party (yea a facebook invite doesn’t mean much these days). Secondly, getting drunk and puking off the roof or into the pool is frowned upon even if you do it intentionally. Third, its basically for guys to check out hot girls and for girls to size up other hot girls.
Scantily Clad Skinny Bitches: I know, usually people are like,
“Ew… I hate summer cause I dont want to see all the fat people in bikinis!”
Fuck you, if you say that. Seriously, all the more power to you for wearing a bikini despite all those fat haters (ie, wannabe anorexics).
Its the scantily clad skinny bitches that piss me off. I don’t need to be reminded that the last time you had fat was from your mom’s breast milk! I know its hot, and I’m not telling you skinny bitches to cover up (which you might do anyway since your always so damn cold). Just don’t dress like a hoochie and consider cookies!
What’s a “bummer” about your summer? If you saw that movie, “Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer”, I think you might be to young to be reading all the profanity on my blog. Close the window immediately and play with you my little pony collection. Cause yes, their butt does indeed smell like cake!
And since its summer is blueberry season, heres a recipe to make it a little less “bummer”:
- 2 large eggs, whisked together in a small bowl
- 2 cups plus a litte extra all purpose flour, plus a little more for dusting
- 16oz of whole milk or part skim ricotta
- 1 cup of frozen or fresh blueberries
- 1 3/4 tsp salt
- pinch ground nutmeg
In a large bowl, mix together the flour, salt, and nutmeg. Mix in the ricotta. When the ricotta and flour are combined, add the egg. Mix until just combined, being careful not to over-mix. Take out of the bowl, knead once or twice until the ball of dough just holds together. Cut into 4 pieces.Roll each piece into a 3/4″ wide rope. Cut the ropes into 1″ long pieces. If the rope is sticking, sprinkle a little flour. Press each piece gently with the tines of a fork and boil in salted water.
When the gnocchi float, cook another minute and taste to make sure they are cooked through. Remove with a slotted spoon to the saute pan with the blueberry sauce.
For the blueberry balsamic sauce:
- 1/2 cup chicken stock
- 1 heaping cup ripe blueberries (can be frozen)
- 1 tablespoon aged balsamic vinegar
- 1 teaspoon dried thyme, crumbled
- 2 tbs orange juice
- 1 tablespoon cold butter
- Pinch kosher salt
Overmedium-high heat, pour in the chicken stock with the blueberries, orange juice, balsamic vinegar and thyme and stir.
When the berries begin to bubble, turn the heat to medium-low and stir for 1 minute.
Stir in the cold butter until it is incorporated and the sauce has thickened slightly.
Remove from the heat and pour over gnocchi.