Blog Posts I Want You To Write

I have a feeling most of my readers think I’m a whiny, wanna-be humorist with noting to do but make fun of people.

Boy are they right….mostly.

I’ve whined about blogs before, and I’m certain some of you think:

“Eden! Stop fucking complaining! If EVERYTHING annoys you, why dont you tell us what you want to read from blogs!”.

Ok.

Here you go:

Shit/Poo: Is “shit” making you uncomfortable because its profanity? Fine. I’ll use poo.

 Happy? Now listen up:no one ever writes about poo. But we do it everyday (or at least we should…) and I’d like to see a blogger write about their poos and poo adventures. Maybe they can do a run down of the different kinds:

“ghost poo; when you feel the it come out, but there is no evidence in the toilet”

or

“SURPRISE poo; You’re not even at the toilet because you’re positive its merely a fart, but….surprise…….a poo!!!”

or

“Corn Poo; enough said”

Sexy Time: Ever since I saw Borat, I’ve replaced gross words like “coitus” with “sexy time”.

Anyhow, its totally understandable why people would hesitate to write about their sex lives. For one, I’m sure their partner would have a stroke if they found out their sex lives were being gossiped about on the internet. I bet this is an effective way to sympathize with Charlie Sheen. Plus, its taboo to talk about “sexy time” unless you’re with your therapist or OBGYN. However, I think it would be entertaining and refreshing for someone to write up a post titled: “10 Way My Hubs and I Keep It Exiting On Our 30,000 Thread Count Sheets!”

And if they do so I’ll forgive them for using the word “hubs”.

Processed Pleasures: I’d like for someone out there to please blog about their latest Value Meal purchase from McDonalds. PLEASE!

Um....I know people poo poo Mcdonalds, but this looks delicious to me. I'm so lovin it.

 And maybe throw in a cheese whiz and a fried twinkie for good measure. I pinky swear it won’t give you a stroke!

Being Rich and Privileged: Funny enough, everyone likes to pretend they’re poor.

This is awful because it makes actual poor people like myself have high standards to live up to. The thing is, there are more penny pinchers out there reading blogs so even rich bloggers will poke fun at “how cheap they are that they shop at target” (har-har-har!). Or, they’ll write a post on how to whip up a beautiful dinner for 30 for under $30! For once, I’d like for a rich blogger to write, “I’m loaded, my Visa Black Card is tired, and I wouldn’t be caught dead as a sardine in economy class on my way to our villa in Monaco!!!”. Then again, I bet “the help” write the blog anyhow…

In the meantime, I’ll gladly dispense hobo tips like how to redecorate your box/home. Or how to get those skid marks off your toilet from the “Pop-A-Vein-On-You-Head-Poo”. Trust me, those tips are handy!

So, fellow bloggers out there, please write about one of these topics. All your usage of annoying cute words (yummers, amazeballs, etc…) will be forgotten. And for the readers out there, are there any topics YOU wish people would write about?

48 thoughts on “Blog Posts I Want You To Write

  1. That right there made me kind of wish I’d hit up a drive-thru last night instead of making steaks. Maybe since I’ll be traveling over the weekend, I’ll make a special trip to Mickey Dee’s just for you. :)

  2. We plan on writing about poo! haha
    Seriously we plan on talking more about how we get good bowel movements, we can emails and questions on how we helped our constipation issues,etc so we will be doing the poo thing one day haha

  3. I have a secret blog where I write about all the things I can’t write about publicly–ED stuff and other insanity, sexy time, and poo, basically. It definitely falls in the “train wreck” category as well. But it’s sooooo secret.

    That said, I do wish more blogs were more raw and honest.

  4. I want people to write about the opposite of what they usually write about. There are some bloggers who write about only happy, fluffy stuff, and some bloggers who only write really introspective or heavy/sad stuff. I want a good mix!

    I was going to say more honesty but I have a handful of posts that are “private” so that would be a bit hypocritical wouldn’t it?

  5. Bloggers don’t eat unhealthy food you know ;-) It’s one reason I hate WIAW b/c it even makes me feel unhealthy! I love my pizza and refuse to give that up and I will definitely eat cheesedip and chips as an appetizer. As for the poor part, there are so many bloggers that I get the impression they have lots of money actually. Like how on earth are the jetting around on 10 vacations a year? I can barely afford 2 (’cause I’m poor). ;-)

  6. You make me laugh out loud EVERY DAY.
    For Free!! Thank you.

    I love that you point out that people like to pretend their poor! That I squite illuminating because really? I have certainly questioned myself (If she’s broke and she can afford $9.99/lb salad bars and essie nailpolish where the heck is all my money going then? (Answer=wine, by the way.)

    I actually love the sexual innuendos over at Mama Pea’s (which makes it sound like her posts are full of them but you know what I mean) Just the perfect balance of “real” without being raunchy

  7. Funny! I did a post about how I have anxiety – about a year ago. I was shocked at the response – that being said – it’s hard to put that “shit” out there!

    I think we all (myself included) take life to seriously – I’m pretty sure I would read all those posts and chuckle.

  8. Man, I wish I could write about my thrilling sex life. It’d be so nice to share with everyone how passionate and ….
    OH WAIT, I HAVEN’T GOTTEN LAID IN FOREVER. lol, way too much information, but hey, sometimes you just gotta yell it….

  9. this is hilarious in it’s timeliness.

    yesterday I was sick with a BAD migraine all day, and Jason brought me a fabulous grilled cheese sandwich, fries and a piece of pie from the diner. I took photos of it to post on the blog… if I ever blog again. ;)

    also? I started making my own cereal, like the real Colon Blow stuff. I have part of the post written and just cannot finish it, because I do talk about poo. maybe that’s why my blog has no new posts lately, why I am blocked? BAAA HAAAAAAAA

  10. some blogs annoy the crap out of me when all they do is go on and on about their spending habits at whole foods. seriously? whole foods? youre 18 and spending money like a billionaire buying 10 dollar cheeses on a regular basis. it annoys me. probably because im a little jealous.. wa waaa. i love that teddy bear pic btw..serious sexy time

  11. I would like to be able to write about poo .. but since I have serious lack-of poo issues — I would have to write about someone else’s poo and that wouldn’t be too cool.

  12. A of these bloggers have a screwy definition of not having a log of money.

    . . . Id love to be as broke as them!

    Or have parents that are “broke” so they can send me on wonderful vacations and have gourmet dinners out on the water . . . You know, like a hobo.
    :)

  13. Oh Gawd – I regularly show chocolate cake on my blog…reading about raw this, green that, no-meat this really (reallllly) wears me down.

    BUT, with that said to each his own! And, it’s my problem I guess, not theirs.

    Question though – why do you read the blogs that annoy you then? Or have they ever contacted you?!! :)

      • Lol – actually I’m with ya on that…it’s time consuming and I’m questioning the whole blogging thing myself…not sure how good it is for me (or anyone) – and yet, still get sucked into it somehow….maybe I should just do that do. Just write if I feel like it and say whatever.

        Ugh…I should just be reading a book or doing something actually.

  14. I’d love for people to write about the plastic surgery they have. Oh wait there are some blogs on that.Those were the first I read. Interesting stuff. Rubbernecking for sure.

  15. Um, I had never heard of this word “amazeballs” until you made fun of it on your blog awhile ago. Suddenly that shit (haha) is everywhere! Who came up with such a stupid word?!?! And who thinks it’s a good idea to use it, ever?!

  16. Lol, i think if people talked more about sex, whether you have a love life or not (masturbating is just as a part of life as shitting too! As if sex is dirty, and below them) (no pun intended) People seem to be high minded when it comes to personal tales. Yes, i just said TALES, I mean – if nothing else – make shit up, it’d be hell of a lot more interesting then seeing more salads and protein drinks. anyway, lol… That’s just from a readers perspective. A lot of bloggers seem to write how their life would be in a movie, ” I went here, here and here, and did this and this. . . ” Instead, how about we know the in between details, How sexy that guy picking out fruit at the grocery was – WHO CARES IF YOUR MARRIED even, SPILL/admit things other then whats in a smoothie. If i had my own blog, I’d be all about the personal – That’d be why I’d have one, to vent and tell the truth, ONE place you don’t have to ACT like something you’re not. One of my favorite blogs is a recipe blog – http://mytastytreasures.blogspot.com/2009/10/apple-bread-and-pumpkin-bars.html You have to check her out. She is halarious. Good recipes too!

  17. I think we could all do with a bit more sex in our blogs. Or, and here’s a shocker, opinions! I love (love meaning HATE – think of the Grinch movie in which JIm Carrey shouts LOATHE at the top of his voice and then you’ll get me) it when bloggers shy away from all opinions except those relating to healthandfitness, of course. (Healthandfitness is one word in their pea brains that can’t formulate any thoughts unrelated to that theme.) It’s kind of odd, don’t you think, that we know so much about, say, Kath at KathEats but almost zero about any of her other viewpoints? At least I find it odd.

  18. . . . I’m not just talking about sex though. Lol – after reading my previous comment I realized it sounds a bit sex-maniac-like. (Not that that’s a bad thing) But I’m also talking about the smaller things. The details through your day that don’t ever cross your mind again, but SHOULD. The things you think to yourself “no ones going to care about this. . .” are the things I’d like to read. Small crap. How stupid it was that you got so damn frustrated over having to wash the lid to the juice that you dropped 4 damn times cause you were so occupied in other thoughts, THAT I could relate to. Anyway, i like your blog and MelissaNibbles, and lowandbehold – more honest about yourselves instead of trying to influence your readers to be more like you by claiming that you DON’T claim you’re someone to look up to, When really they know their goody-toe-shoes writing and seemingly healthy lifestyle blog is the reason for having a blog in the first place… Does that make sense? I Hope so.
    Simply: Blogs that don’t try to change the world, one post at a time – are the ones i like to read. Lol

  19. This had me laughing for many reasons. Here are three:
    1. We talked about poo more than anything in PS!
    2. After we eat corn, Marshall and I threaten to send each other photos of our poo.
    3. You’re funny.

    LOVE YOU.

  20. Poo is more important than sex. You could go the rest of your life without sex but not a good poo. I knew a guy once that traveled and poohed in every ocean and large body of water he came across. It was a lifetime goal :). Craping underwater – interesting.

  21. I can’t believe I’m about to admit this! I have a friend who took a picture of his poo because of it’s size (with his 35 mm camera) and then let HIS WIFE take the roll to be dropped off and picked up!

    Ohhh and if you wanna dispense how to decorate your teeny tiny house to not look like a cardboard box I’d appreciate it since I just bought a house with 780 sf… (still not sure how I’m supposed to fit the husband and the dog in it – but we’re poor and we know it)

  22. This post was great- THIS is why I read your blog.

    I got into the rainbow and puppies genre and am having a hard time making my way out of it. One predicament I find myself in is that real life people (my parents, in-laws, big brother) read my blog so my raunchy comments have to be toned down a bit anyways.

    That said, I discuss poo on a daily basis. And ‘hubby’ would probably murder me if I used his real name in my blog so I torture him with the nickname.

  23. You know what Eden,
    I think i’m going to take you up on this post.

    Talking about poo/ poop or bm’s is really one of my favorite pass times. All my friends know this, and the majority of them enjoy these types of conversation equally as much as myself. What makes most of these crappy conversations even better is that the majority of them seems to happen either at a dinner table, restaurant definitely while eating delicious meal. In the event that the food is sub par the telephone conversations texts and bbm’s (not to be confused with bm’s) circle around explosive diarrhea and the the aftermath of eating sub par sushi.

    As for the why people act poor thing I don’t have much material on that end. The only person that I know who does this is someone very close to me who reads my blog religiously and would definitely know I was talking about them even if I gave them a clever nickname or made them sound like “you know that person” ambiguously. I find that a lot of assholes I know are poor and act rich, which I’d absolutely love to talk about and I’m pretty sure I will cause I recently posted something about this person and I never heard anything about it. That and this person is totally too self involved and boring to read my blog anyways.

    Let you know when it happens.

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