I have a feeling most of my readers think I’m a whiny, wanna-be humorist with noting to do but make fun of people.
Boy are they right….mostly.
I’ve whined about blogs before, and I’m certain some of you think:
“Eden! Stop fucking complaining! If EVERYTHING annoys you, why dont you tell us what you want to read from blogs!”.
Here you go:
Shit/Poo: Is “shit” making you uncomfortable because its profanity? Fine. I’ll use poo.
Happy? Now listen up:no one ever writes about poo. But we do it everyday (or at least we should…) and I’d like to see a blogger write about their poos and poo adventures. Maybe they can do a run down of the different kinds:
“ghost poo; when you feel the it come out, but there is no evidence in the toilet”
“SURPRISE poo; You’re not even at the toilet because you’re positive its merely a fart, but….surprise…….a poo!!!”
“Corn Poo; enough said”
Sexy Time: Ever since I saw Borat, I’ve replaced gross words like “coitus” with “sexy time”.
Anyhow, its totally understandable why people would hesitate to write about their sex lives. For one, I’m sure their partner would have a stroke if they found out their sex lives were being gossiped about on the internet. I bet this is an effective way to sympathize with Charlie Sheen. Plus, its taboo to talk about “sexy time” unless you’re with your therapist or OBGYN. However, I think it would be entertaining and refreshing for someone to write up a post titled: “10 Way My Hubs and I Keep It Exiting On Our 30,000 Thread Count Sheets!”
And if they do so I’ll forgive them for using the word “hubs”.
Processed Pleasures: I’d like for someone out there to please blog about their latest Value Meal purchase from McDonalds. PLEASE!
And maybe throw in a cheese whiz and a fried twinkie for good measure. I pinky swear it won’t give you a stroke!
Being Rich and Privileged: Funny enough, everyone likes to pretend they’re poor.
This is awful because it makes actual poor people like myself have high standards to live up to. The thing is, there are more penny pinchers out there reading blogs so even rich bloggers will poke fun at “how cheap they are that they shop at target” (har-har-har!). Or, they’ll write a post on how to whip up a beautiful dinner for 30 for under $30! For once, I’d like for a rich blogger to write, “I’m loaded, my Visa Black Card is tired, and I wouldn’t be caught dead as a sardine in economy class on my way to our villa in Monaco!!!”. Then again, I bet “the help” write the blog anyhow…
In the meantime, I’ll gladly dispense hobo tips like how to redecorate your box/home. Or how to get those skid marks off your toilet from the “Pop-A-Vein-On-You-Head-Poo”. Trust me, those tips are handy!
So, fellow bloggers out there, please write about one of these topics. All your usage of annoying cute words (yummers, amazeballs, etc…) will be forgotten. And for the readers out there, are there any topics YOU wish people would write about?