White Magic Cookies and Why Women Can’t Be “Funny”

Lets stir up some controversy!

Here’s what I want to know: is it possible for a woman to be funny? Not “funny” in a cutsey, Paris Hilton ör “Ugly Betty” way, but funny as in laughing until I’m seriously afraid of passing out from lack of air and my bladder surrerenders.

I don’t mean to be sexist but I personally find that extremly funny women are rarer than men. I know that’s a politically incorrect sentiment, but in my experience, it seems so much more common for the best jokes to come from men. Whenever a woman comes onscreen in a comedy show or movie the humor always appears to soften. Maybe this explains why men get hard?

Ironically, my hilarious female friend took me to see “Bridesmaids” earlier this week and I finally got what I was desperately craving for so long. Raunchy, gross-out, genuinely funny comedy with an estrogen infused cast! Sure, there have been other attempts. But never like this.

Why is that women can’t be THAT funny?

Well, here’s my theory.

1) Perspective. When men suffer or do something embarrassing, they try to make people laugh. Women try to make people feel bad for them.  When shit happens to men, they see it as an opportunity for a joke. Men don’t ask, “Do I look fat?” in 101 ways all day just so that others will assure them they’re attractive. And if they do, people think its hilarious….

2) Women Can’t Fart or Burp as Loudly as Men: Even the fizziest Dr. Pepper can’t get me to belch like a dude. And even the most beanerrific chili with broccoli and a large artificially sweetened soda can’t get me to fart as loudly as a lad.  It’ll smell just as bad. I guarantee that!
3) Women Become “Moms”: Not to say that moms can’t be funny. But once the start having children a lot of women tend to talk about cracked nipples and eco friendly diapers while that men go have a beer and make fart jokes. Mom’s can’t make those gross jokes. To society, thats super creepy. Dads? Well, when dad’s are gross its funny. Sigh…

4) Reversing Genders in juvenile Comedies Doesn’t Work: It’s another example of how “life isn’t fair”. Consider this: What if in “Something About Mary” instead of Ben Stiller getting his member caught in the zipper, it was Cameron Diaz lacerating her labia? Or what if instead fo a horny teenage boy in “American Pie”, it was a teen girl humping a danish? Thats just weird. And gross.
5) Men Are too Busy Staring at Her Boobs to Get the Joke. Thats pretty self explanatory.

Look, this sucks. Sexism isn’t fair. We should get paid more, we should be able to have seven pizzas and manage to lose weight, and we should be able to crack more people up.

Maybe I need to go hump a pastry…

Since I’m pretty much turned off by the idea of a danish at the moment, I give you one of my secret cookie recipes. Well, not much of a secret anymore. Basically, you melt white chocolate and mix it with the cookie dough. Hence I coined it, “White Magic Cookies

1 1/2 cups flour (rice or coconut flour can work too)
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 stick of butter or 1/2 c butter alternative of choice
1 egg1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 cup sugar or sweetener of choice
1/2 cup white chocolate, melted
1/2 cup chocolate chips

Directions:

  1. Heat oven to 350. Grease a cookie sheet or line with a silpat.
  2. In a medium bowl, mix the flour, salt, and baking soda.
  3. In a separate bowl, mix cream the softened butter and add in the sugar. Then proceed to add the egg, and vanilla on medium speed for 2 minutes.
  4. Add the wet mixture to the dry and stir until well combined. Once combined, slowly drizzle in melted chocolate while mixing.
  5. Then, add your chocolate chips but don’t over-mix. 
  6. Drop cookies by large tablespoon fulls onto prepared cookie sheet. Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until edges of cookies are lightly browned.

31 thoughts on “White Magic Cookies and Why Women Can’t Be “Funny”

  1. hmmm… I’m going to disagree with #2, only because in college (high school??) I won a belching contest against my best friend Jay. we were at a big banquet dinner and we snuck out to drink beer in his car… thus the belching. Mine were WAY louder.

    but yeah, I suppose you are right. men are funnier. I gather it’s because they don’t FEEL like girls do. don’t get caught up in the what, why and how. are accepting and open to everyone (like puppies, they are). girls are (generally – I’d like to think I’m more of a guy) too caught up in the details to be funny. the meaning.

  2. I’m just starting to drink my coffee & mis-read the title at first. I swear I thought it said something along the lines of “white women can’t jump.” I think it’s gonna be a looong day.

    • (Gah! This is why I think it’s gonna be a long day–I forgot to finish my comment!) My son (and myself) find burping & farting hilarious, and while my husband usually walks away from us in disgust whenever we start in with that stuff, I have noticed that my boy gets far more laughs than I do, even though (at the moment anyway) my burps are a LOT louder than his, just because I’m bigger. I try to spare my husband the unpleasantness that is my flatulence.

  3. I was a theater major in college. I was in a comedy troupe (improv and sketch) and the female members of my theater school and my improv troupe often posited the same question. However, we would always end on the notion – YES. WOMEN CAN BE FUNNY! Look at that cast you just described – some of the funniest ladies in comedy and they are ruling their genre. Look at Tina Fey – one of the most respected comedy writers in the biz. Look at Chelsea Handler, unapologetic, hilarious, LOL, funny. And the list goes on…

    But, let’s face it; penis’ are straight up funny looking and va-jay-jays spew babies and blood….

    Funny?

  4. definitely agree with you! it’s really not fair that i can’t be as funny as my man friends. i am hilarious when im with all my girls, but if any male is there, everyone makes me feel like im not funny at all. (even the girls who think i am when it’s just us!)
    i can’t wait to see bridesmaids. i’ve only heard awesome things. and surprisingly, a lot of guys i know want to see it too. maybe they want girls to be funnier than they are.
    but yes, reversing the juvenile jokes would just be weird. i dont think i’d laugh as much if a girl were to take a dumb that bad like harry in dumb and dumber.
    anyway….i must make those cookies.
    - Sharelle

  5. Melted white chocolate? While I want to make some sort of inappropriate, innuendo-type joke about this…I will refrain. It really wouldn’t be funny.

    [And I'm not saying that in response to your post topic. I mean...it really wouldn't be funny.]

  6. YOU are funny.
    I bet if you’re a mom you’ll still be making fart jokes and drinking beer and you’ll probably joke about your nipples. And it’ll be hilarious and no creepy at all.

  7. Well I think you’re pretty darn funny.

    Here’s one thing though. Women can joke about other women. Men can’t. If they make a crack about women they will always look like assholes. Women may look like assholes too, but there is still the potential for humor. Case in point: this post.

  8. True words. And yet as you say, there ARE funny women out there. Yet sometimes when they are funny, they somehow seem less ‘ladylike’…and that may be the problem. Do you remember Rita Rudner- she somehow managed (manages? Is she still around?) to be funny and cute and ladylike at the same time (she is the anti-KathyGriffith). And you are funny, and cute and lady like.

    So glad we saw that movie together. I think I’d see it again, but knowing me I’d start laughing even before the funny parts b/c I would remember them from before. I do this all the time- it’s an annoying habit- just warning you. :-)

  9. i wish i saw bridesmaids with you guys! but i did see it sunday and lovvvveed it. you’re right.. there are more funny men. i had a super funny friend in high school and we always commented about how rare it was to know such a funny girl, actually.

  10. Ha! I’m the queen of burping. No one can out-burp me. I say no one.

    What’s your favorite humor? I like snark if properly done, and sweet humor, but I really do not understand raunchy humor at all. Like Friends and Sex & the City and Knocked Up, I just don’t get. Oh, and esp movies like American Pie. How is that funny?

    • Knocked up was ok. I dont love friends. it makes me giggle but not burst out laughing. I like comedians like Margret Cho, Josie Long (shes a british comic, love her), and Daniel Tosh. Actually, I just think Daniel Tosh is hot. He’s funny, but there are better. I like raunchy thats actually funny and I like the british black humor which most Americans dont get.

  11. eh, I’m calling bull. This is an old stereotype, and perhaps its true that it persists in hollywood and television.

    In my own life, 70% of the FUNNIEST people I know are chics. My sisters are on another level, I promise that they could improv the shit out of Kristen Wigg. My facebook feed is boring as hell except for 2 people (that I barely know), and they are both chics. my favorite comedian? Sarah Silverman. and my boyfriend thinks I’m hilarious. I believe him

    • I don’t disagree with you. But most men don’t think women are funny. Women think women are funny, but when men are funny, it seems universal. I dont think I’m making sense, but its unfair. But yes, most of the funniest people I know in real life are chics. I think….

  12. I just bit my thumb thinking about lacerating my labia. I AM DYING! holy crap ow. OR HUMPING A PASTRY. I’ve always loved maple bars. YUM!

    Also I am hilarious. I make my students laugh. Can that count? Maybe…?

  13. I have trouble melting white chocolate – it tends to chunk up or simply not want to melt. No problem with regular chocolate. UH… obviously I’m doing something wrong. What’s the best way to melt white chocolate? I want to try this recipe!

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