Bacon Cheese Straws and Myth Busting Myself

First off..wowie wow wow! Holy crap, readers! I had NO idea my last post would generate such a powerful lurker awakening! I think its awesome when I pull the lurkers out of hiding. I really appreciate all the kind words you’ve said. I know many of you asked questions which I will answer in a future post later this week. Yes, I’m dedicating a whole post to answer your questions. Get excited!

However the responses have convinced me that I need  to clear a few things about me. And since I get into a habit of myth busting, I thought I’d bust some myths about myself.

Myth: I’m a 100% recovered with full weight restored

Fact: While thats a lovely thought, its not the truth. Am I emaciated? Hell no, thank goodness! Do I still eat like I did when I was sick? No. Do I exercise as much as I used to? No.

But…….

I don’t consider myself completely free of the prison that my eating disorder has built in my head. I am not sure how to explain it, but lets put it this way; I still “care”. I still “care” about what I eat. I still have energy towards what I consume, I still feel guilty when I don’t exercise, I still have days where I feel bad about the way I look. I don’t know if I’ll ever be totally indifferent to what I eat or how much I move. But the important thing is that I’m not at an unhealthy weight and I don’t eat or exercise in destructive or harmful patterns.

Myth: I’m SO happy now that I don’t “engage” in disorder behavior!

Fact: I’m not depressed, but I’m not exactly unicorns and rainbows. Its weird, but most people expect to feel this euphoria once they go through treatment and weight restoration. But in fact, I find most people find the hardest part comes after all that. You’re no longer numb by the hunger and fatigue of your depleted energy. So now, you have to deal with the real world. I’m no longer in denial (or numb), so I actually feel things and they aren’t always spectacular. Long story short, your problems don’t go away once your eating disorder subsides, but at least now, you can actually deal with them.

Myth: I Love My Body!!

Fact: Bullshit!!!!! Don’t you dare think I’m oozing confidence and strutting my stuff down the street (not that I dont strut down the whole foods aisle when nobody is looking). I get really hung up about the way I look! Its weird because I’m not shallow when I’m judging other people (yes, I judge, we all do it!). I never think about someone’s “muffin top” or cellulite, but I’ll still sure as hell scrutinize mine! I’ve just come to accept that I’ll never have a love affair with my body or my looks. And if there is anything I’ve learned from my impatient stay its that I need to let my trusty friends be my “eyes”. I know they’ll tell me I look to thin, or like shit, or drop dead gorgeous, and I should accept what they have to say.

Myth: I think the way I look or how much I weigh isn’t  everything

Fact: Actually, this one is not a myth. At the end of the day, I’ve learned that the way I look really doesn’t matter too much in the end. No matter how much weight I gain or no matter how many days I forgo exercise, I’ll still be quirky and snarky. Its when I loose weight that I tend to not be as funny, as lively, or as smart (wow, could you imagine a malnourished Eden running around??? Paris Hilton would have some stiff competition!). And I guess, that’s really all that matters. Because as I’ve mentioned before: in then end, I really don’t want to be buried with people thinking, “Well, at least she was thin”.

So there you have it. Some clarifications about me. What about you? Do you put off an image that you think is actually a myth about yourself?

And of course, something for you to drool over! I’m so proud of myself for making this recipe up because its super quick and easy!  You’ll never order those bread sticks from pizza joints again!

3/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
3/4 cup cheddar cheese (or any other cheese you like)
2 tbs softened butter
3/4 cup AP flour or potato flour
3 strips of crispy bacon (I just placed it in the oven for about 10 min)
1/2 seasoned salt (I personally am in love with the Lawry’s seasoned salt, but any salt will do)
2 tablespoon half-and-half or whole milk
Preheat oven to 350°F.Combine the cheese, butter, crispy bacon, flour, and salt in a stand mixer. Mix on a medium speed until the mixture forms a sandy consistency. Add the half-and-half and knead into a ball. On a lightly floured surface roll the dough into a rectangle that is 1/8-inch thick. Cut the dough into thin 8-inch strips, each 1/4- to 1/3-inch wide. Gently transfer the strips to a parchment paper lined cookie with a 1/4-inch between them.
Bake the straws for 12 to 15 minutes, or until the ends are barely browned. Remove from the oven and set the cookie sheet on a rack to cool. 

 

24 thoughts on “Bacon Cheese Straws and Myth Busting Myself

  1. These “myths” addresses the numerous emails I have received that hold some misunderstandings about me.

    Myth: She’s sooo strong.

    Fact: Uh…no. If I were really very strong, I would have beat my ED to a pulp ages ago. Can’t speak for the rest…but I didn’t make it as far in recovery because I’m strong. I managed to shed a lot of ED behaviors and control issues because I was blessed with the people in my life who gave me love and faith.

    Myth: She’s a strong Christian.

    Fact: I wish. I’ve done things, and still do and think things that are very un-Christian. I would call myself a struggling Christian, and honestly there IS no such thing as a perfect Christian, just as there is no such thing as a perfect recoverer or a perfect human being.

    Myth: She’s all recovered.

    Fact: I don’t think so. Not yet. There are times when I get a bit too upset by the fact that my body is out of balance (Re: your last post). I may think about food a bit too much, at least more than the “normal” individual, and get madder than necessary when my food doesn’t turn out the way I want. I get hyper aware and disturbed by ED behaviors around me. I don’t like it when people order salads, and purposely never order them (although I crave them these days).

    Myth: She’s so lucky.

    Fact: Not a myth. I AM very lucky and blessed. I don’t think I deserve it, but I have so many blessings. One of them, of course, is that I live within driving distance of the wonderful Eden. Hee.

  2. Thanks for being so honest in your post. I can sort of relate to a lot of what you say, although I came from the other end of the spectrum. I used to weigh more than 300 pounds and now I’m running marathons. But I struggle with self-esteem issues and perception issues too. A lot of the time I still feel like I’m still a big guy. I’m not skinny by any means but, for eff’s sake, I run marathons! Overweight people don’t run long distances. Sigh. Ultimately I’ve come the same conclusion you have – my appearance isn’t everything.

    Anyway, thanks again for your honesty. Good stuff here. Glad you’re still blogging and that I stumbled across it.

  3. Girl I love your honesty. I know I’ve said that before. Let’s see…big huge myth about me: I am not always very self-confident about the way I look despite knowing I have worked really hard for the body I have. I still see the things I’d like to change. I guess in some ways that’s the good/bad about weight lifting. (if that makes sense)

  4. Those look better than Pizza Hut’s breadsticks! And I use to be obsessed with those :)

    I think being a layed back quiet person sometimes gives people the impression that I’m a snob. And once they think that it’s like they don’t even want to bother with getting to know me. That sucks!

  5. I’m the same way, I never think about other people’s saddlebags or muffin tops. I just don’t look at people that way. But myself? Man, I think about my own “flaws.” Too often. I’m too hard on myself.

    I want breadsticks. They are my favorite.

  6. I think every single woman struggles with how much they eat vs. how much they exercise. Anyone who says they don’t care, or doesn’t think about it much, is LYING. My mom was the executive director of an eating disorder clinic growing up, and I spent a lot of time volunteering there in high school. One thing the place taught me is that every single person on this planet struggles with body image issues. It’s just that we all have different methods of dealing with. Some obviously healthier than others. I think you are doing fantastic given what you’ve been through, and being honest about it helps more people than you know!!

    In other news, I thought the recipe was for battered bacon for a second. Wouldn’t that be fabulous?

  7. I think the biggest myth (which I try to remind everyone regularly) is that despite my happy-go-lucky tone on my blog, I DO have sad times or bad times and everything is not always sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. [Granted, I have the sort of outlook where most of the time it is.] Did I cry three times at school and once on the phone with my mom yesterday? (And then again while watching them sing “Landslide” on Glee?” Yes. Yes I did.

    Sometimes life is like that.

    And then you see a guy with a full-on mullet writing poetry in a polka-dot notebook on the elliptical machine next to you and things suddenly seem funny again.

    I should write this in a blog post.

  8. This kind of goes back to the “it must be nice” mindset in that people assume that being thin equates to having some sort of superhuman willpower or the luxury of not caring about food. In reality, it takes more willpower for me NOT to do the things that other people do for health. The strength part isn’t a myth, but it’s just a different kind of strength.

    It’s also a myth that thin people don’t like food. Shut up. Also that because I’m single, I must be picky, gay or a bitch. I might be picky, but it’s only because I don’t buy into the myth that you need a man to be happy or complete or whatever. The bitchy part might be true…I need to come with you and Sophia. We could be the MythBusters.

  9. I worry that people think I’m snooty or bitchy. I don’t talk a lot–I just don’t. My whole life I’ve been a pretty shy, introverted person which for some reason comes off as bitchy. It really sucks, because I’m a pretty nice and caring person.

    I also worry that people that read my blog secretly judge me and think I ‘have it all’ and am ‘greedy’ or something because I got a new car and I’m moving and all that. It’s just sooo not like that. I have my issues just like anyone else. I work very hard for what I have and I’m not at ALL arrogant. I worry people think that though. So again, it sucks.

    I don’t want people to have this big misconception about me, you know?

  10. I’m like Heather: I think I present an image of being really confident with the way I look, but actually I suffer from body image issues just like most other women. I think the myth has come about because I don’t like to give the fat talk any airtime — I feel like it just encourages it. But I still have days (like today) when I just feel really grim about my body. From that point of view it’s really great to read posts like this, because it reminds me that negative feelings about food and body image don’t have to stand in the way of a more generally positive relationship to both. Thanks :)

  11. Those breadsticks look freaking delicious!! And I think most people never have a great relationship with their bodies. Such a love/hate thing. One day I’ll think I look great and the next I’m too skinny, too fat, too flat chested. Never satisfied lol

  12. I think I think a lot of myths about myself. I think I can come up with something negative for every single aspect about me. Yet, in the end, it means nothing b/c I’m just obsessing about something that just doesn’t make sense. I mean I cannot really look at myself logically and think there isn’t one part of my body that isn’t nice. It’s just a torture that I put myself through for no other reason than to hate on myself. I’ll never be satisfied but to know that I’m really just telling myself lies helps! At least I’m one step closer to not believing it.

  13. Reader request: more weight restoration posts! You are right—there are resources a plenty about weight loss, but scanty pickins for what to expect during restoration. I know restoration will affect each individual differently, but still, it’s nice to hear at least one person’s experience. I’m even more curious about post-restoration. What is it like to scale back again and when/how does one determine that he or she has now reached the point where one isn’t actively pursuing a gain? I’ve convinced myself that I need to gain, but I’m worried about not being able to stop/not knowing when to stop. Thanks!

  14. I definitely agree that after you recover it’s really hard. Things really are never the same, as much as we try. I don’t know if I’ll ever think of food “normally” again and my outlook on life is certainly different!
    I love your honesty, it’s so great to hear bloggers talk about their flaws. It makes me feel a little more human about mine, especially since they’re often very similar!

    Bacon cheese straws. I died when I saw the title. I will go to heaven when I get to eat one!!

  15. I always wondered if being anorexic is like being an alcoholic- that you never truly are cured, but you manage the disease. Personally I feel that this is true for obesity- at least in my case. That might be a myth about me: that staying at a normal weight is somehow easy for me because I exercise. Anyone who knows me knows the daily grind of the food choices and keeping up with the exercise.

    Love the honesty as usual. I love the visual of you shakin your groove thang down the aisle at whole foods when no one is looking—except the security cameras of course. :-)

  16. Man, I love this post. The funny thing about blogs is that it is really easy to just present a certain image of yourself and just let people see what you want them to see. But I think people would be surprised to know that I’m really shy in person at first. I tend to take things in before I make my move. I’m trying to work on this though!

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